No Time to Heal
by roserage
Summary: RPOV. An alternative ending to Frostbite. Mason does not die in the strigoi house and Rose will face new enemies and challenges before it is over. First fanfic; All characters belong to Richelle Mead, except for Patya Kozlov.
1. Chapter 1: Fighting Back

**What would have happened if Mason helped Rose kill the strigoi and didn't die in that house? This was written at the end of Frostbite. Comments very much appreciated !**

I clung to the sword I had used to decapitate Isaiah as I looked over at Mason just as he severed the head of the woman known as Elena. The air felt still and warm as I stood near a covered window. It was finally setting in. I had just killed my first strigoi.

* * *

_It was going to be Isaiah or me. _

I needed to get out of this house and Isaiah was the only one standing in my way. I landed a blow at Isaiah's side, but he did not flinch. He then landed a blow that sent me flying backward toward the wall. My head hit the corner of something behind me. I could feel my blood start to pump faster. I knew I was done. I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling, but as I did, Isaiah's face appeared blocking my view. He put his weight on me and sighed loudly.

"One thing about you Dhampir … you look sexier when you are angry. I try to keep Elena around as a partner, but somehow the smell of fresh Dhampir blood is my weakness." Isaiah lightly stroked the hair off of my forehead.

_Am I in shock? Was Isaiah telling me that he was attracted to me? I probably didn't hear him right…_

Isaiah leaned into my neck and traced my ear with his nose.

"I think I may be giving you what you want though, blood whore… and I am not so sure I want to give you the satisfaction. Or do I?" He laughed to himself, now grazing his teeth across my neck.

The pain that I had in the back of my head was subsiding. I needed to move, now. I lunged to my right hoping Isaiah would not anticipate it, but he caught me around the waist, bringing me hard to the ground again.

"No, I don't think so," he mocked. "I think you're going to stay here and we are going to talk a little more".

As he said 'more' he pulled me toward his body. His breath was back on my neck. _How gross! Sweaty strigoi breath **was** worse than Jesse Zeklos… must remember to tell Lissa about this later… hmm_

I reached back to jab my finger into his eye, but he dodged my hand. This time he was not laughing as he elbowed me in the back of the head with his free hand. I felt the same hand push my hair away from my face as he moved his mouth onto mine. _NO !_

I tried once more to reach him, but he pinned my hands to my side and his fist landed another blow to my face. This time I could not retort. The roar in my head began and I knew it was over.

I heard a small sigh escape my lips as I gave into the pain.

My head was comforting, almost like a silky lake of blackness. Here I wasn't worried about anything at all. The others had gotten out and by now they were far enough away that they were safe. Swirling around in the 'water' I began to feel something tugging at me. I wasn't ready for anything. I wanted to just float on for a while.

_"Rose…." _

I couldn't answer. I didn't want to answer.

"_Just let me sleep … please!"_ I thought loudly

The voice became louder and its echo softer. Okay, I am not dead, I am just waking up.

"Rose c'mon we have to go" the voice said again.

"Hmm?" I managed, though my eyes were still closed.

"Rose, I can't pick you up unless I know you can move by yourself. I don't want to hurt you, but we have to go! We have to go now!" the voice urged. This poor person sounded so concerned for me.

"No, everything is fine" I said lying still. "They all got out. They are okay." I started to drift off again. I almost felt like smiling; I was so tired.

"Rose, I came back for you. Let's go!" Mason urged a little louder.

I opened my eyes and tried to sit up. He grabbed onto my back and looked me deep in the eyes. He studied me closely.

Dizzily I rubbed my forehead with my palm. _Wait, what?_

"Why did you come back?! I told you not to come back!" I said angrily.

I started to stand but the room swirled again and I grabbed my head now with both hands.

"Rose, let me carry you" he whispered.

"Mase, I don't need to be carried. I'm fine. You shouldn't be here." I assured and scolded him at the same time. I rubbed my eyes and blinked a few times as my view became clearer. I looked around the room, surprised that the strigoi had left me alone.

"Rose, you aren't okay. You are pretty beat up. You are lucky you are alive" he finished.

I looked down at my clothes and realized that Mason was right; I looked worse than I felt. My shirt was ripped up and my jeans were barely hanging on me. The buttons and the zipper were undone with scratches and bruises forming around my hips. Suddenly the images of Isaiah, before he knocked me out, came back to me.

_No, he didn't go that far! I would have woken up. I would have stopped him._

I quickly looked back up at Mason who was still staring at me. His eyes had gone from pleading to upset. He already understood what I had just realized. He knew what had happened and he was wishing the same things I had. Mason would have stopped this too.

The silence between us was awkward as we both thought about this. I had to say something.

"Hey I'm good. Let's go!" I whispered loudly. _Did he buy it?_

"Two Dhampirs for the price of one!" a voice cackled

"ISAIAH!" the voice continued and then laughed maniacally.

Elena was annoying before, but this was infuriating. I stood up quickly and grabbed Mason's arm. He looked at me desperately and I nodded at him, pacifying his fears for the moment. Isaiah appeared around the doorway and stopped.

"Ah sleeping beauty has come around, I see. True loves kiss? Or wait, is that a different story? They are all the same anyway" Isaiah mused.

"Yeah, the bad guy dies every time," I retorted. Mason looked over at me and slightly rolled his eyes. I shrugged back at him as best as I could.

During the banter Elena had taken advantage and lunged toward me, taking me out at the knees. I struggled to kick her off of me but she was strong, like Natalie had been when Victor Dashkov had used her to free him.

Suddenly, Elena was gone. I sat up quickly and realized that Mason had thrown her off of me and was now fighting her next to the fireplace. _Probably where I had hit my head._ Mason was overpowering her and it seemed that Elena had been taken by surpise. Mason's eyes burned into her and for the first time since we had been here, this strigoi seemed afraid.

"Oh there is that face again. That anger… one I would almost classify as sultry," Isaiah hissed from behind me.

I turned to face him. I wasn't angry anymore, I was focused. I put myself into an offensive stance and glared at him. He made the first move and missed. My next move grazed his head and sent him staggering back. I was fighting as hard as I could, trying to remember everything Dimitri had taught me. All of those early morning running sessions I had complained about were helping, but it was no match for the pain I was in. My muscles were sore, my head throbbed where Isaiah had elbowed and punched me and I was pretty sure I had a broken rib. I had been in and out of consciousness for the last few days and I knew it would not be long now before something had to give. Someone would give.

Isaiah then made the mistake that would be the death of him. He looked over at Mason and with a wicked smile.

"I'm wondering whether I should end you first and make him one of us, or turn him first so you can watch. Your prince charming turning strigoi would be a twist…"

That was all it took. The adrenaline kicked in. If anything, I would save us from becoming strigoi regardless of the cost. I grabbed a sword from the nearby mantelpiece and started swinging.

* * *

Some time must have passed before I realized that Mason had his hand lightly on my shoulder and he was studying my face. His eyes told me that he was concerned, more than I thought necessary. I mean, we only did what we were built to do, what we had to. Dhampirs spend their whole lives training for this. Did Mason think because I was a girl that I needed comfort?

"What!?" I probably insisted a little too annoyed than warranted. I let the sword drop out of my hand next to me and looked back at Mason.

"Rose, we just killed our first strigoi".

He paused, dropped the sword in his hand, took in the scene around us and caught my gaze once again, "I mean … I guess I just never played it out in my head like this."

A playful smile crossed his face, "That was crazy … like really crazy! We seriously just wrecked house on these strigoi; Freaking epic!" His arms tightened on my shoulders.

I nodded and gnawed the inside of my cheek as I blankly copied his survey of the room.

"Yep".

I really did not know what else to say. What did he want me to do, jump up and down? Maybe take a strigoi appendage and wear it as a badge of pride around my neck? Use the spattered blood on my clothes as war paint? I realized while thinking this that maybe I wasn't totally okay. I mentally shook the idea off.

I stepped out of Mason's arms length and shrugged. I felt a sharp pain in my chest as I moved, but ignored it. The excited look on Mason's face turned incredulous and he also took a step back.

"Rose, what we just did … no student at the academy has done. You just took on a strigoi twice your size!" Mason ran his hand through his hair and then gestured toward me, "You have to be proud of that!"

I hadn't had time to think, let alone be proud. I acknowledged, appeasing him.

"I am Mase, I just think I'm … I'm just tired or something. It will kick in later I'm sure," I said smiling convincingly.

Mason stared at me knowingly, but he hesitated. He then chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I have a sneaky suspicion that this will be all over campus tomorrow as 'Rose Hathaway killed two strigoi as Mason Ashford stood in the corner and cried' or something," he winked. We were both thinking the same thing. The way Mason found me was indicative of something I didn't want to think about, nor was it something I wanted to talk about with him.

We heard the sound of tires screeching out side causing Mason and I to look towards the open front door where Mia, Eddie and Christian had escaped not too long ago. Now that I thought about it, I was not really aware of how long we had been in the room. Mason looked outside, "Guardians." He jerked his head toward the door and left, likely expecting I would follow.

For the first time since we killed the two strigoi I coherently looked around the room. I looked over where Mason had killed Elena. The blood running down the wall behind her limp body looked like art people do with balloons filled with paint. The splatters were running thickly down the wall, forming small puddles in the crease of the floor. I looked over at Isaiah's head now empty of most of the blood, still masked with a look of shock. My head swam. I needed air, now. I took one step toward the door but halted in pain.

_That broken rib may be more than one_.

I winced at the sharp pain as I prodded my chest.

_I'm falling apart. Pull yourself together Rose!_

Struggling to walk any further, I leaned on one arm against the nearest armchair, wrapped the other one around my chest and closed my eyes. My head was still unsteady and my breathing labored. I had to get myself together. As I was trying to slow my breathing footsteps echoed up the porch and into the front room of the strigoi house.


	2. Chapter 2: Stay With Me

**The Guardians arrive to the strigoi house. Rose realizes that she will have to explain to Dimitri why she took off without telling anyone.**

* * *

"… what do you mean you decapitated two …" A familiar serious voice was cut short and footsteps halted.

"Rosemarie?" The female voice begged in disbelief.

I inhaled deeply and glanced up to see my mothers' stunned face looking at me from across the room. She looked almost paler than usual, which seemed impossible with her translucent ivory skin. She stood very still and then suddenly motioned toward Mason.

"Ashford, go get Guardian Belikov," she said, her voice quiet and somewhat wavering. He looked between my mother and me. He pushed his hands through his bronze damp hair that had plastered itself across his forehead. His eyes finally settled on me.

"Guardian Hathaway… she looks--" he started.

"Ashford, now!" she yelled to Mason, back in her guardian tone.

At the time, her voice was a funny thing to think about. I was pretty sure before today that she did not have any other way of being. She had her guardian tone and guardian gaze; both were terrifying as far as I was concerned. But this voice, this was more human that I thought possible.

Mason still seemed torn between me and following my mother's orders. He tried to finish his previous statement, but instead, turned, and ran out of the house. Now alone with the corpses and my mother, I did not know whose company made me feel more nervous. My mother was one of the most badass guardians and she did not deviate from applying this to her 'parenting'.

_Break the ice? _

"Hey Guardian Hathaway, what's new?"

" You're a little late…sorry we didn't save ya any… " I managed to squeeze out, half laughing.

_I am quite the comedienne apparently..._

I cringed and patiently waited for her to give me another black eye or something; I probably deserved it. A tear leaked out of the corner of my eye and without thinking I tried to wipe it away before she could see. The pain surged in my chest and I let out a small cry. I hate when people can see my weaknesses, especially a guardian and especially when that guardian is my mother. She didn't move. She didn't say a word. She just kept staring. Seemingly, it wasn't until more footsteps reached the porch that she blinked again. For a second I almost thought I saw tears in her eyes.

The footsteps tore up the porch and in darted Dimitri followed immediately by Mason. Dimitri assessed my mother's face and followed her eye line over to where I stood.

"Hey Comerade" I acknowledged with a light head nod. I winced at my movement. My hair hung limply at my shoulders and I knew that I had probably seen better days, especially in front of Dimitri.

His mouth slightly parted downward and his eyebrows lifted. I hung my head.

_Great…He looked disappointed_.

I wasn't ready for this lecture. Yet, it was my fault we got into this whole mess in the first place. I shouldn't have told Mason and the others where the strigoi were hiding. I wish I could just go back and let the other Guardian's handle it.

_Man, where is my time machine when I need it?_

I closed my eyes and giggled, unable to control myself. The pain in my chest was getting worse and it was getting harder to focus my eyes on any one thing.

Mason interjected, "Rose?" He paused.

"I think you need to go to the hospital or something…"

He began toward me firing statements which I only heard half of: "I guess I just got caught up in the excitement … I mean, yeah we're both messed up and I saw him land a few hits, but I guess I just thought … or … I didn't want to think abou-"

"Ashford, why don't I take you to the van? We should get you checked out anyway. Guardian Belikov will bring Rose out", my mother ordered.

"Rose, you're okay right? What he did to you--" Mason ignored my mother. _Bold, Ashford. Bold._

I looked up at him through bleary eyes and a half smile, "Yeah Mase, I'm fine, promise. Like I said earlier…" I slowed my breathing "… just a little tired. No big deal". I swallowed. I had been up for, who knows how long.

I watched as my mother took Mason's shoulder to lead him out the front door. Her eyes didn't leave mine until the last minute. Now it was just me and Dimitri.

Usually when I had time alone with Dimitri I tried not to focus on him too much. Everything about him was amazing. The smell of his aftershave, even his sweat brought up too many feelings I was trying to bury. He was my mentor and what I feel… felt …for him was wrong. Additionally, Mason was my own age and I liked him. I don't know how many times I had to tell myself that during our training sessions. But as I bent over the brown, blood-spattered armchair, Dimitri was the only thought I had that kept me from losing it. I knew I had let him down. I messed up.

"Rose-" he started.

"Dimitri … I know okay!" My breath caught as I held my chest. "I know what I did… I know it was wrong. I know you told me to keep it to myself". I felt a cough rising so I tried to stifle it, and gave up on arguing. I had no doubts that I was going to get a lecture, but maybe he would save it until I got a nap.

_What I wouldn't do for a nap_ and a hot bath … and maybe another nap.

My body must have heard me. I swayed away from the chair I was trying to hold onto. Dimitri crossed the wooden planks of the floor in what seemed like a millisecond and gently steadied me as I leaned my weight against him.

"You've been such a good mentor. I'm letting you down. You don't need someone like me letting you down like this. I'm not strong enough. Just go! " I managed as the tears started again. I pushed at him weakly.

"Rose, stop" Dimitri insisted. His dark brown hair hung almost in front of his eyes as he looked down at me. His eyes tore through me.

"I'm just not going to be a good guardian. I don't listen and .. and .. bad things happen … and-".

I tried to get away from him but like before, one step was one too many. I tried to grab the armchair, but instead sank half way to my knees before Dimitri's strong arms caught me. I heard a loud shriek escape my lips as the pain in my chest exploded. I felt like I had when I had been taken down, at the ankle, by that table on campus. Things were getting blurry and my ears were buzzing loudly.

I was suddenly up in Dimitri's arms; my cheek pressed against his left shoulder. I grabbed on to his coat for comfort but my hand was slippery and I could barely made a fist. I opened my eyes to find my hand; the one I had been clutching my chest with, was covered in wet blood.

_I don't remember getting hit like this… No cuts on my hand…_

"Roza, we can talk about those things later." He said as he hurried me toward the door.

"Dim-" I started.

"Shh Roza, -"

"… I …I … I .. theres just a lot of blood," I stammered out.

Dimitri looked down at me; his worried expression quickly changed. His mouth became a hard line, and he slowed just outside the door. He used his left arm to tuck me tightly into his shoulder and then urgently picked up his pace. The fresh air outside the house blew my hair around and the pavement smelled like it had just rained. I assumed typical of Spokane; being outside felt good. As we reached the van, Dimitri climbed in still holding me tightly. Soon, the van started to move. Among the mixture of voices, a soft Russian undertone soothed me.

"_Roza, stay with me. Please?"_

Unfortunately, I could not comply. My labored breathing slowed, but the pain intensified. Tears still escaping from my closed eyes, I finally gave in again to the swirling darkness and became dead weight in Dimitri's arms.


	3. Chapter 3: Just Wake Up

I could feel the damp grass under my body as I lay on my back facing up at a tall tree draping its' shade over me. The leaves glistened in the sunlight and danced back and forth. I sat up to find flowers and grass all around me; I felt like Dorothy waking up in the field of poppies. But these weren't poppies, there were too many different flowers and colors to count. It was beautiful. The rush of the breeze lifted my hair and rustled through the trees. I felt so calm and rested.

"Oh, you're still here" a voice asked behind me.

I turned to see Adrian sitting next to a tree. He had his arms resting across his knees. No cigarette to be seen.

_Right, I'm dreaming. Okay._

Adrian always seemed to look haphazardly sexy, but he seemed purposefully put together here. He was wearing all black, his hair looked somewhat tidy; however, he looked like he had been crying. He furrowed his forehead and looked at me with a more serious expression.

"I miss you little dhampir … so much," he said looking over at me and then looking back down at the grass between his feet. He grasped at taller weeds and threw them into the wind. He watched them as they slowly swirled down. He looked almost thoughtful.

"Well, I'm right here. Why do you still miss me?" I asked somewhat confused.

"It is funny that you are so vivid. Usually in my dreams you aren't so clear, or as fully clothed" he chuckled to himself. "Your aura is strange. Usually it is so black I can't see anything else. Now it is mostly grey; weird that you have an aura at all." Simply put, he was acting a little crazy, but for Adrian that meant somewhat normal. When he wasn't drinking or smoking his eccentricities were in full force.

_His dream? Wait…_

I stood up and looked down. I was wearing a white sun dress, no shoes. He chuckled again and looked up at me.

"Well, you still look smokin'… figures" he shook his head.

In his cheeks I could see lines from recent tears. His eyes were puffy and red. These dreams are usually less disconcerting.

"Adrian, what has happened? I don't understand… and I can't do what you do. I can't go to people in their dreams." I finished wishing that my eyebrow lift was like Dimitri's. Super sexy.

_Ugh… I still have to explain myself to Dimitri … great._

"Rose, when the Guardians brought you into the clinic they were positive you would survive your injuries, but then you wouldn't wake up. They said you were probably in a coma because you are in shock from what happened. You were bleeding internally… you broke five ribs … and you're just… " He paused putting his hand on the back of his neck, " .. just lying there…"he choked out. " I mean, there's nothing I can do… your mom left last week without a word … hell even Belikov took extra shifts probably so he wouldn't have to see you like this. They couldn't stand sitting around just waiting for you to die. That doesn't even get to Lissa, Ashford…or me".

His eyes were somewhat pleading, "I've been trying to let you go because I know eventually I will have to, and now you show up in my dreams…" His forehead scrunched up, his emotions were palpable.

_Wait … Wait, what? Coma? What!?_

I blurted out my next thought, "Adrian do you think I'm dying?"

He hung his head and then started laughing. Was he ignoring my questions? I walked over and sat down next to him.

"If you were dying that means something could be done –" he began slowly.

I cut him off - "Adrian, if I wasn't alive … if I was basically dead, how is it that you are you in my dream?" I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"This really feels like the other dreams you've been so keen on invading," I said with more attitude. "You aren't smoking or anything … and we are out in the sun like this … like the other dreams I have had "…

Abruptly he looked up at me and his face changed with his thoughts. This time he seemed to really look at me. His jaw dropped.

He grabbed my arm and pleaded with me, "Rose, if you are really there… you need to wake up. Lissa hasn't been able to do anything to help you". His pleading terrified me. What was I supposed to do?

"What? Adrian, I don't know how to do this…" I tried to hide the panic in my voice.

"Let me think… what did I do the last time I was in a coma? Why can't I remember" I started dramatically.

"Rose" he started

"No, no wait its coming to me…Oh wait! I've never been in a coma before… silly me!" I interjected sarcastically.

"Rose, just wake up," he said slowly.

"Here I go!" more snark coming from me.

"Just wake up," he repeated once more as he disappeared.

I looked around. He didn't leave me… did he? He freaking did!!!

"Oh how nice! Sounds like a solid plan!" I shouted to myself. "I'll just do that then!" I yelled once more while looking around again.

I wasn't done yelling, "Maybe I will just click my heels together three times! ".

When I didn't hear anything else I grew more frustrated with my plan, or lack there of. I rolled my eyes, but then figured it was worth a shot.

I stood up, looked around to make sure no one was watching, and mimicked Dorothy's red shoe clicks with my bare feet. I knew it wouldn't work that way, but at least I ruled that one out. What now?

"_Little Dhampir, can you hear me_?"

_Crap. My 'Wizard of Oz' stunt hadn't gone unnoticed_.

I looked around.

"_Little Dhampir, if you can, please wake up? I know you are still there!_"

I felt helpless and anxious at the same time. I wanted to. With every bone in my, likely broken, body I knew I wanted to wake up.

So I did.

I was cognizant of where I was immediately.I was lying down in a bed. I could hear high heels clicking around on the floor and I knew I had been here too many times. The clinic at the Academy was small and familiar enough that I knew its sounds. How lame. I took a slow breath and remembered the pain.

As I did I heard someone cross the linoleum and stop next to me. He was close enough that I could hear his quick breathing and his cologne mixed with cigarette cloves. It was Adrian.

"Rose," He brushed the hair from across my forehead.

"Rose, please" he begged once again.

I didn't want to hear the pain in his voice any longer. I opened my eyes slowly letting them adjust to the lighting in the room.

"Fine, fine…I can't stand to see a grown man beg" I croaked out.

Adrian didn't look as good as he had in my dream. He was dressed as he usually had, but his shirt was only half tucked in and his hair was a mess. Not even the good, I'm sexy and I don't care, way. His eyes were splotched with red had dark circles under them. He blinked in astonishment.

"Dr. Olendzki?!" He shouted somewhat desperately across the room.

"Ah the shouting. Bring it back a couple of decibels!" I complained.

Everything about this room annoyed me. The lights, the way the noises echoed…

In trotted Dr. Olendzki. "Oh! Rosemarie! You put us through quite a scare!" she patted at her heart and motioned for a nurse to come into the room.

"Phone Guardian Hathaway immediately; she was practically beside herself before she had to leave!" she continued. "And your poor friends refusing to leave…" she scurried out of the room almost running into the door.

_UGH_

I was only awake for two seconds and this woman had already accosted me with her mindless observations. Adrian stood still next to me very quietly, oddly, he was just staring at me with a strange look on his face. If he hadn't spoke I may have forgotten that he was there at all.

"… Rose … " he stammered.

"Hey" I breathed in his direction. He closed his lips though I could tell he had so many things on his mind.

"So, how are you feeling?" he asked somewhat uncomfortably.

I smirked, "Never better".

He nodded, "Uh huh, looks like it there slugger… well… I think I'm going to let you be alone for a while. I'm almost certain that you don't need me hanging around."

I didn't want him to leave. The more I thought about this I realized that I didn't want to be alone just yet. I wasn't ready to spend time to really think about the things that had happened and contemplate what had gone on while I was sleeping.

"Adrian I'm glad you are here," I started. "Without you… who knows what could have happened…"I finished.

His serious face turned into a grin and I could tell he was about to say something ridiculous. But he didn't.

"Rose, I am just happy you are awake" he admitted.

I hated to ask him, but I knew I would regret it later if I didn't. "Hey, can you stay just for a little while? I don't really want to be alone right now"

He gave me a questioning look.

"You know, all the crazy questions people are going to want to ask me and I just need someone to … uh … you know… fend them off for a while". I couldn't tell if he believed me or not, but he nodded and took the chair next to me.

He stayed with me for the next few hours. He watched TV with me, or watched TV while I fell asleep several times, and only left for cigarette breaks. He did not leave until Dr. Olendzki admitted that I would not be able to leave for another week or so. By then I was too tired to care and started to doze off again. Shortly thereafter I only half-heard Adrian when he mentioned something about seeing me in his dreams. I'm pretty sure I was smiling in my sleep.


	4. Chapter 4: Time Out

Lissa was waiting at the door when Dr. Olendzki's staff deemed official visiting hours and she basically ran to the bed and latched onto the arm that wasn't hooked up to the IV fluids.

She was wearing a pale green, long sleeve, shirt that I hadn't seen her wear before. Usually when she wore long sleeve shirts it made me suspicious of her moods and since I hadn't been able to see how she was feeling through our bond, I was filled with unease. This is another reason I should be in trouble right now. When I had heard that Mason, Christian and Mia had gone to find the strigoi in Spokane, automatically I should have thought of Lissa. She comes first. If I had died our bond would be wasted and she would need a new guardian. That new person would not know her as well as I do. My decisions have everything to do with protecting her and I had forgotten that.

"Rose, I talked to Adrian late last night and he told me you were awake and I barely slept I was so anxious to see you!" she gushed. She had tears in her eyes and she was looking me over as if she did not know me.

"It's good to see you too! I feel like I haven't seen you in a month!" I examined.

Lissa stood quietly and let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah, it does feel like that".

I eyed her suspiciously. "Lissa how long have I been in here anyway? Adrian said that my mother left last week. I don't even know what today is…" I begged trying to gauge how long my mother might have waited for me before giving up.

She stood very calmly and then sat down in the chair next to my bed without looking back at it. I felt like bad news was coming and I was more sure when she took my hand in hers.

"Rose, it has been just over a month" she said without taking her eyes off of my hand in hers. When I did not respond she looked up and exhaled slowly. "Rose you have no idea what we have been going through thinking you were gone."

I didn't know how to respond. I missed a month of my life… a month of my training! Now I understood why Adrian looked the way he did, why my mother had left, and why Dimitri had taken extra work. Everyone was trying to move on.

I did not need to slip through the bond to know that Lissa was trying to keep her composure. Suddenly released my hand and covered her eyes. Tears peaked through her fingertips and slid down to drip onto her lap; I could see her chin quivering past her hands.

Lissa cleared her throat and began wiping the tears away with her sleeves.

"Ugh! Yuck! I hate crying," she finished and breathed deeply as if she could pull the tears back into her now dark green eyes. When she cried they almost looked like the color of the ocean on a windy day. I had known her long enough to know this all too well.

_Say something Rose… anything!_

"Eh, its all good." Nope, probably shouldn't have said anything at all.

Lissa gave me a sidelong look which then turned into unease. She stood up from the chair she was in, leaned over and hugged me gently. With her head next to mine she whispered, "I'm here if you want to talk about things when you are ready".

"I'll see you later Rose, I need to get to class" she finished as she walked toward the door. Before I could process what she had said she was through the door and I watched it crack shut.

Throughout the next week I had multiple visitors, mostly Lissa sometimes accompanied by Christian. Adrian came in to see me a few times and he started looking more and more like the Adrian I had met just over a month ago. Mason stopped by but never sat with me longer than five minutes. He never wanted to linger. I spoke to my mother once for about a minute before she had to be somewhere important and Kirova even stopped by to make sure that she had heard correctly. I bet she would have thrown a party if I had actually died. I just grinned at her wishing I could know exactly what she was thinking as she walked back to her office.

It was finally getting close to the day that I could go home when I started to think how I might have to talk about what happened. All of these things that happened.; to be honest, I didn't want to talk about _things._ I didn't want to talk about anything. I wanted to get out of this cramped room and sleep in my own bed with my own clothes and my own things. I was tired of being watched all the time. I'm not an effing ant!

_That's it. I'm done. Get me out of here. _

I braced myself as I sat up quickly and pulled the IV from my arm and the heart monitor from my finger. A dull ache from my ribs cautioned me but I would worry about my injuries later. I leaned onto my side to swing my legs off the bed which took much more effort than I thought it would. This thought sent a thrill of anger into me and I kicked off of the bed. The linoleum floor was cold on my bare feet so I grabbed the thick blanket from the bed and wrapped it around me. This made walking more difficult and I struggled to walk by myself. Luckily the closest wall was not very far and I used it to brace myself out the door without making too much noise.

The door from the clinic, down the hall and outside had never seemed so far away. I stumbled to a halt half way to regain some strength and noticed that at least the gown I was wearing had a back to it. I could imagine the news headline, '_Academy missing student - Last known wearing a backless hospital gown and limping down the highway'._ Yeah, that's exactly the last image I'd like these fools to have of me … I wiped the light sweat off my forehead. I guess my month-long life vacation was a bad idea.

"Enough comas for now," I told myself …I realized that this would probably hurt my training too. I wouldn't be able to do anything until I got my strength back. Who knows how long that would take! My breathing started heavy again in my chest.

_I need out; I need air._

I quickly started down the hallway again and finally made it to the big doors leading outside. I pushed all of my weight onto the giant door and felt the sharp crisp air fill my lungs. I knew I couldn't stay here or Dr. Olendzki would just come out and make me stay longer, so I rewrapped the blanket around me and trudged on away from the clinic.

The campus looked like a dark blue dream; it was still covered in some snow and the sidewalks that had been cleared were wet, reflecting the moon. The chill in the air would normally heed me indoors, but tonight I just could not be inside the small walls of the academy.

When I came across a layer of stairs along the path I took this as a sign that this is where my mini-trek would end. My legs were already too numb to carry me and I did not see myself making it up any sort of stairs.

_Rose Hathaway, defeated by a set of 5 stairs._

I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and pathetic, which reminded me that I still had to explain myself to Dimitri. He hadn't even come to see me in the clinic. When I saw him last, he looked so disappointed and upset with me. Maybe I should get him some western novel or some Duran Duran. I shuddered at the thought of Dimitri's love for 80's music, yet then I smiled to myself remembering him. Thinking about Dimitri was the most comfort I had felt since I woke up yesterday, even that ridiculous brown duster made me smile. But then my mood changed. I remembered where Dimitri and I had really left off the last time we had talked.

"_You should be with Tasha… it's a really good opportunity"._

Why did I have to go and be so freaking mature and say that! I sighed and tried to forget about Dimitri and Tasha together; her calling him Dimka…who did she think she was? I made a 'pshh' sound to myself and snidely looked around.

I watched the clouds cross the moon and fade away into the blackness of night. The flow was almost hypnotic. I looked around me and blinked a few times. I felt like I had just run a marathon getting over to these steps, I was starting to get tired again. I knew I should probably go back to the clinic before someone sent guardian's after me, so I took a deep breath and pushed myself to my feet. My knees wobbled a little and I put my arm out to steady myself causing my blanket to fall to the ground.

… _one step forward and ten steps backward…_

Frustrated, a tear started to escape onto my cheeks which I attempted to wipe away, but eventually gave up on. I leaned to my side and tried to gracefully fall back onto the step; by graceful I mean I pretty much just fell down on the step. Tears now streaming from my face I sniffed in disbelief. I was falling apart again and this was so unlike me. I exhaled trying to stop, but I had so little control over myself.

_Maybe I should just sit here and wait to freeze._

A little while later I realized I wasn't brave enough to sit and wait for death. As I began to gather my blanket back up around me I felt a pair of hands wrap around my shoulders and pull me backward.


	5. Chapter 5: It Was Home

I felt like I was about to be attacked again, and shock slowly trickled into my brain:

_like __**I**__ have much to live for right now_...

"Hathaway! What are you doing out here, you are going to freeze to death?!"

Mason's voice in my ear shoved the idea out of my head. He sounded panicked. How strange.

"What did you do, rip the IV out of your arm and run?" He huddled around me and I could feel the warmth of his skin through his coat. He put his chin on my shoulder and pressed his hot cheek into mine. His arms rubbed their warmth into me. Oddly, I wanted to run away from him. His touch sent a cold feeling up my spine. I wanted him to just pretend he didn't see me and let me sleep right there, but he grabbed the back of my knees and lifted me off the ground. I wanted to protest but it wasn't like I was about to kick his ass or run away… or anything at all.

Through clenched teeth I tried to ask where we were going but then I realized that I didn't care. I had no where to be. We were about half way to the clinic when I heard the voices of Lissa, Christian and Adrian in front of us.

"Ashford what the hell are you doing? Rose?" Adrian called.

Mason didn't answer, he just kept walking toward the clinic. I wished that they would forget that they saw us, but I assumed that they would follow. We soon entered a doorway and I immediately felt the warmth of the room embrace my skin. It was becoming harder to keep my eyes open, but I wanted to make sure I slept in my own room tonight. No more of the stupid clinic-living for me.

Mason entered the clinic and put me down on the bed as the others entered behind me taking off their scarves and jackets. They were probably nice and warm already.

Dr. Olendzki leaned into the room and shook her head back and forth while glaring at me.

"If it were anyone else I would have assumed you had been kidnapped. Ashford came in here looking for you I just told him that his guess was as good as mine! Hope it was worth your time Miss Hathaway." She leaned back into the other room without another word, but she definitely rolled her eyes at Mason.

Mason looked down at me, "She didn't know where you had gone and I figured you would break out of here as soon as possible… even though I knew you wouldn't get far I was pretty worried." He looked back at Lissa, Christian and Adrian and scratched his neck.

"Maybe I will talk to you Monday after classes get out or something…looks like you've got visitors," he looked uncomfortable now that he wasn't alone with me so I nodded. He smiled and left the room nodding at the rest of my friends.

I sat up knowing that I should get to my dorm room before Olendzki came back in and chained me to the bed for the rest of the day. Whatever day it is…

"Rose, what were you doing out there?" Lissa demanded in a very motherly tone. It was funny, like a kitten who thought she was a lion. I smiled a little sheepishly until I realized that Christian and Adrian had similar looks on their faces.

"I was just tired of being cooped up inside like a prisoner. I mean, look at this place… put bars on those tiny things they call windows and you might as well make me pee in front of other people!" I joked hopefully.

Christian put his arm around Lissa and rubbed her shoulder. She was clearly frustrated with my lack of sense and even more with my pour attempt at comedy.

"I'm glad you are here though. You can make sure I make it to my room," I glanced over at the wheelchair in the corner of the room.

Christian laughed out loud, "Does the almighty Rose need help from us lowly moroi? This should be recorded or something…" he folded his arms as Adrian brought the wheelchair over to me.

Adrian helped me into the chair and he quietly nudged, "I could carry you… I know I'm not Ashford or some _guardian_…" a sly smile played in his lips and his eyes did that cool waggle thing.

I gave him my best haughty expression as he tucked the blanket into my lap.

"Rose where are your clothes anyway" Lissa asked looking around the room. "I can't believe you went out in that hideous gown…" she stopped and stared at me apologetically. My clothes were pretty shredded and blood soaked when Dimitri carried me out of the strigoi house in Spokane. I would only assume, as Lissa just had, that they had disposed of them somehow.

"Hey, its cool… I have plenty of clothes. I want to get out of this thing. Let's go, I'm tired," I yawned and propped my head up with my elbow on the wheelchair armrest.

Across the courtyard I was beginning to feel giddy. As Adrian pushed me, Lissa and Christian were putting on their best dhampir impression of me. It felt weird to be in the more submissive position, surrounded by three moroi. Out in the real world there was no way we would be safe right now, yet Lissa's impression of 'The All-Dangerous Guardian Rose Hathaway' (as she called herself kicking and jabbing the air) was enough to put me at ease. Lissa and Christian jumped around me like clumsy ninjas. "TAKE THAT STRIGOI SCUM!" Lissa shouted and Christian mimicked her movements "YEAH, HATHAWAY IS HERE BITCHES!" It was amazing and terrible all at once. Christian tripped twice and almost tripped Lissa in the process. I hoped that their satire was intentionally comical.

We finally reached the dhampir dorm where Lissa said she would wheel me the rest of the way to my room. Christian kissed her and squeezed my shoulder as he walked back out door. Adrian said that he would try to stop by and visit sometime tomorrow after class, which I knew now to be Friday. At least I wouldn't have to sit in classes for another few days since Olendskyi gave me the day off tomorrow.

Lissa opened the door to my room and I was almost shocked to find it exactly as I had left it and I was suddenly relieved to see that my things were where they belonged. Not everyone had believed that I would be dying anytime soon, even my bed was still messy and unmade; this was exactly how I liked it.

"Home sweet home" Lissa mocked. Our dorm rooms weren't anything one would compare with sweet. She was right about one thing though, it was home.

"Rose, I'll come back tomorrow and we can hang out for a while if that's okay with you?" Lissa posed as she helped me into bed. I was still weirded-out by this new dynamic between us. She was concerned about taking care of me. I don't know that there has been a time in my life when someone wanted to make sure I felt okay; my own mother was more distant than this.

"Yeah, Liss I'll call you" I whispered with a tired smile. Lissa brushed a few strands of hair off of my face with her fingers and gave me a small hug. She smelled good. She smelled like home.

After Lissa had left I was almost positive I would sleep like a dead brick, but as much as I was tired I was also wondering about what I had missed. Had they taken down the strigoi operation that originated in the house in Spokane? What about my classes, how far was I behind? I wondered if I will still be able to graduate on time and all of the ways I might be able to talk Kirova into letting me take summer school if need be. She hated me, but she couldn't be that heartless… I'll have to ask Dimitri when I see him. I suddenly felt weird. Where had Dimitri been? He couldn't be that busy …

Most of the night had passed without much sleep at all and then I realized that maybe I didn't want to fall asleep. I had too much to do and I really should be trying to get my strength back for training.

I rolled my legs out of bed and touched them to the floor; I was very thankful of the carpet because I could grip it with my toes better. I flexed my toes and stretched my ankles. Despite my lack of energy I was motivated to get back to the way things were, whatever that meant. I looked across the room at my desk, still cluttered with pens, notebooks and the occasional gum wrapper. The cork board above my desk was speared with the few pictures I could call my own; pictures of Lissa and I covered most of the board, all except for a small space in the upper right hand corner.

I scrunched my nose at this. I didn't remember that space before. I tried to remember what had been there, but finally gave up when I had convinced myself that it was possible I just hadn't filled it.

The next day I didn't feel like having visitors so I told Lissa over the phone that I would call her when I was ready. She said she understood, which I thanked her for. I just couldn't imagine that conversation happening, even though I knew it would eventually. All those people crowding around me asking me what went down in that house. I don't know if I even know what really happened. It seemed like a blur. I just knew I should wait until I felt like talking.

I filled the next two days with testing my strength and stretching. I had finally decided that I was not going to let this get the best of me.

It was late in the afternoon on Monday before I decided I would come out. I had about a million missed calls from Lissa's and Christian's phones and surprisingly, a couple from my mother. Dr. Olendskyi called to make sure I was okay; I told her I was fine. I looked out the window at the now lightly-snow-splotched campus and sighed. I had missed the best part of the year on campus; it usually looked so beautiful covered in snow. As I turned to look away I caught my reflection. This girl was different. She wasn't as strong as I remembered and she was much thinner. I hated that she looked like a stick figure. How was she supposed to feel like a woman this way? I reached across and touched the window, covering my face so that I could only see my eyes staring back at me.

_There she is._ The girl I knew was in there somewhere. I just had to take that step to find her.

"Well Rose, here we go" I said as I made my way out my door, book bag in tow.


	6. Chapter 6: Letters to You

I stepped out onto the sidewalk looking down at the ground. The sounds, smells and even the way the air wisped around me felt different. I tucked my hands into the pockets of my black coat and decided that if I waited any longer, that I might end up back in my room in my track shorts and holey t-shirt. My hair was pulled back into a pencil to keep it out of my face. I did not really care what I looked like; I just needed to get through the day.

My classes floated by as I assumed they would. People gawked at me in the halls and Lissa tried to create conversations to keep my mind from wandering; however, Jesse and Ralph surprisingly sustained their usual caddy remarks in class. Was it strange that I did not find comfort in this? I almost wished they _had_ said something, at least then would feel normal.

Usually, my favorite class in my schedule was Dhampir Combat Training, but I was told I had to sit it out until Olendzki cleared me. I told her that I felt fine, but she insisted that I would only further my injuries. I sat against the wall in the combat room and watched as Mason and Eddie sparred. Every so often I would catch Mason's eye and he would immediately look away. Maybe he felt guilty that he could be out there working and I had to sit here alone. I did feel somewhat jealous of Mason. He had been in that house and killed a strigoi right along side of me… but why did I have to suffer more? Plus, I bet if Mason had been hurt he would have been allowed to start training already… I was just making myself angry so I decided to read up on some of the materials I had missed.

Towards the end of class I told Professor Alto that I was not feeling well and he easily let me leave. I had felt alienated all day, and I had the worst headache … the longer I waited it out, the worse I felt. I especially did not want to walk back to the dorms with all of the other dhampirs. I had avoided talking about anything regarding strigoi all day and I wanted to keep it that way.

I stepped out of the gym and into the icy wind. It felt refreshing to be outside again and I was actually enjoying the walk. Halfway across campus I realized that I had forgotten a book in the gym. I had gotten out of sitting through the rest of class and now I had to walk back. I decided that it was only worth it because I needed it for homework. _Shit_. Suddenly, I looked back when I heard a voice calling me.

"Jeez Hathaway … I've been calling your name ever since you left the gym…" Mason said as he jogged up to me, somewhat out of breath.

"Oh, sorry… must have been lost in thought" I murmured.

"You forgot this" he said handing me my book. Relief washed over me and I was suddenly glad to see Mason…

"And I wanted to talk to you, actually". And then that feeling faded.

He helped me put my book in my shoulder bag and took it from me to carry. _I could get used to this. _He slowly walked with me toward the Dhampir dorms.

"So, Rose … I know we haven't really talked since Spokane, but I was wondering how you are doing? I mean … you know … " he trailed off looking at me questioningly.

"Well Mase, you know I'm pretty resilient. I've just been so busy trying to catch up on all of the work I have …" I finished flatly.

"Hah, Rose I'm sure you'll be fine with all your homework and crap." He paused slightly, but then began again. "I just meant, like… aside from homework and things … like have you talked to anybody about what went down?" Mason stopped and tilted his head questioningly.

I remembered waking up on the floor of the strigoi house and becoming acutely aware of what had happened. Truth was, I did not want to talk about it, or think about it ever again.

"Honestly Mase, I don't even remember most of it. I think at that point I was so exhausted that I was just going through the motions. I don't even know what I would talk about; I am fine really," I finished awkwardly patting Mason on the shoulder. I think I was trying to pacify his worry with my gesture, but ended up feeling annoying at myself for being so transparent.

Mason gauged my expression and shook his head, "Rose I still think you need to talk to someone about this … I mean when I found you it was pretty clear … Rose Isaiah rap-"

"Nothing happened!" I glared murderously at him. "Nothing!"

I turned to walk away from him, but he ran around in front of me.

"Rose, you can't ignore this. You have no idea how angry I was when I saw what he did to you. I felt like I was going to just flip the fuck out right there, but I couldn't … there was not time to even think about it …" he raised his arm and placed his hand gently on my shoulder. As he did this I quickly shrunk out of his touch. I was surprised by my reaction, but his touch felt strange. It felt wrong. I didn't know what it was, but Mason standing so close made me very uneasy.

"Mase, really … thanks for the concern, but I don't think anything really happened…"

"He fucking raped you! You know he did, and you know that I could tell the second I saw you. I'm sure as hell that some of the other guardians were suspicious of it as well…. Rose, I'm sorry I just … I care about you… I understand if you don't want to talk to me, but you have to talk to someone! Did you even talk to Olendzki?" Mason begged in a slight whisper. He stopped and exhaled. I could hear the anger in his breath.

I turned to avoid his questioning look. I definitely hadn't thought that anyone else had known besides Mason.

"Fine! I just want to get over this. I don't want to talk about it. Not with you, not with anyone, okay? Just drop it!"

"Rose, this isn't something you just forget about because you want to. You should really talk to someone" he pressed.

At this point I was more annoyed that Mason would not let this go. I did not need someone else telling me how I should feel about things. I suddenly realized that Mason cared too much and I remembered my intentions before finding out about Spokane. Before following Christian, Mia, Eddie and Mason to Spokane I had made up my mind that pretending to love Mason was not fair. I could not love him completely anyway, not when I was in love with someone else. He needed a reason to stop caring, but I couldn't tell him to just forget about it.

Mason's eyes squinted and he looked like he was trying to read my thoughts.

"Rose … I don't know how to act around you now. You act distant and I know that you need time … but I really feel like I should be someone you can talk to. I mean, usually when people are together they should feel like they can talk…"

I cut him off.

"Well I don't feel that way so maybe we shouldn't be together" I said icily.

Mason's expression could have melted the heart of anyone at this point. He looked like I had just literally stabbed him in the back and killed a puppy all at once. Yet, for some reason I didn't back down.

He took a step back from me, the emotion visible in his eyes, "Rose, stop pushing people away. Stop pushing me away. It is okay to be in a vulnerable position … " Mason grabbed me into a hug. "Don't worry about falling … I'll catch you" he said kissing my forehead.

This was getting too complicated.

"I just do not think this will work" I said clearly ignoring his pleas.

He let me out of the hug and looked down at me. Mason let out a sigh and ruffled his red hair with his hand. He looked around, trying to avoid my piercing gaze, but eventually he gave in.

"Well, if that is the way Hathaway wants it, I doubt there is anything I can do to change her mind ..." he angrily jabbed and eyed me suspiciously. He bit his lip and let out a deep breath threw his teeth. He looked like he had much more to say, but I was relieved when Mason turned and walked away.

After a few steps he turned back.

"Oh, I was also instructed to bring you this '_Ms Hathaway'_," he said quickly producing a sealed envelope from his inside jacket pocket. I took it and nodded at him. He tried to push his mouth into a fake smile, but it quickly dropped back to a flat line. He nodded back to me and turned to walk back toward the main part of campus. As he was walking away I saw his pace pick up and his fists clenched at his side. I suddenly regretted being so cold to him, but I thought it was the only way he would leave me alone. Right now I just want to be left alone.

When he had finally disappeared out of sight, I looked down at the envelope he had given me. I turned it over and the front of it had been signed in a scrawled cursive-handwriting mix: "_Ms. Hathaway_". I turned to walk to my dorm as I opened it, but I stopped suddenly.

_Ms. Hathaway_

_The guardians are pleased to find that you are on your way to recovery. Our community cannot afford to lose a female guardian with such promise as your self. _

_The two kills accounted for by you and Mr. Ashford have warranted Molnija Marks for each of you. You will receive them at the ceremony this Saturday. _

_The guardians wish you luck in your recovery and hope that you will be ready to start training by the end of the month as promised by Dr. Olendzki._

_Guardian Belikov_

As I stood alone in the dark I realized that I should go back to my dorm before I ripped someone's head off out of pure, unadulterated, anger. I stomped up the stairs and tried at least four different keys to my door before getting it right. I quickly slammed the door behind me and threw my bags and coat on the floor. I was shivering as I jumped into the shower. I was breathing heavily. I was not cold; I was angry.

_What … 'Guardian Belikov' was too busy to give this to me himself; or maybe to even just tell me in person!? _

_Why was his letter more like one between colleagues? _

That shit should have been on letterhead and indicated where I could send my reply. I could tell Dimitri just what I thought of his 'good luck' … and I definitely could have told him where to shove it.

I looked down and realized that I had been scrubbing the same spot on my arm since I got in the shower and there was a red spot forming.

"Arg!" I growled to myself loudly. I grabbed my towel, wrapped it around myself and stalked back to my bed.

_By the end of the month?!?! I cannot wait that long to start my training! I am already behind! I need to start now … YESTERDAY EVEN… And if Dimitri would not help me I would have to take things into my own hands. I do not need him; I do not need anyone. I will just train my on my own._

"I don't need anyone" I grumbled as I finally threw on my comfy clothes, crawled into bed, and turned off my light.


	7. Chapter 7: Your Wish My Command

The next morning I finished my stretches in the gym and set out on the track. It was early enough that none of my classmates would see me and none of my teachers would expect me to be awake. The sun was just setting meaning that the other students would not be wandering around for another hour or so. I took a few steps. The track somehow felt foreign to me, despite having spent so many mornings running with Dimitri.

I was only able to run one mile that first morning; however, by run I meant the jog/walk style. I was completely exhausted and it took nearly three days before I was able to run a full mile without stopping. By the next Monday I was more anxious to push myself. After lightly jogging for the first mile I was already breathing pretty hard and my heaving chest was pushing on my ribs. I pinched my side and trudged on; I refused to give up yet. I pushed a little harder and finished the second mile. The last few feet were excruciating, but I wanted it more than anything. Admittedly, I was pretty proud of myself. I just ran two miles after being in a coma for a month. Take that stupid school!

_Take that stupid Dimitri ! _

These people were just trying to hold me back, and they had done it since I got back from Portland. Dimitri had to convince Kurova to let him give me extra training in the first place. I knew when I was moving too fast; I was not going to hurt myself. I was walking back toward the gym to do a few cool down stretches when it happened.

I immediately felt like I was about to be sucked into Lissa's head. The odd feeling was there, yet I was suddenly feeling a weird pain in my stomach. My head spun and I bent over as a reaction. I took a few steps toward the main campus. If something was wrong with Lissa I had to get to her. It felt like she was in extreme pain. Suddenly, the spinning stopped. I blinked a few times but realized I was still in pain. I turned and threw up in the bushes next to the gym. The pain in my stomach wouldn't go away. I put my hands on my knees and threw up several more times before it finally ended.

I slowly stood and took deep breaths. The air was crisp and my nausea was almost immediately eliminated.

_Lissa. I need to get to Lissa._

I darted in the direction of the moroi dorms. I had not done very many sprints yet and the pain in my sides seared, but I needed to get to her. I raced the stairs inside the main building, up to Lissa's room.

I pounded on the door repeatedly for what seemed an eternity.

"Lissa, Lissa open up !" I shouted into the door.

The door opened to an alarmed and clearly half asleep Lissa. Her blond hair was in knots and she was half wrapped up in her blanket. She blinked quickly adjusting her eyes.

"Rose, what's wrong? Is everything okay? You look pale! Sit down," she managed to string sentences together while pointing toward her bed.

"You're not hurt? I mean … you are okay?" I asked, my tone confused and reluctant.

"Rose, sit down" she instructed again. This time I complied. I walked into her room as she shut the door and I sat at the foot of her bed.

"Rose, I am fine. What happened? What are you doing up this early?" she sat down next to me and looked me up and down.

I quickly spit out what happened. " … as soon as I was done running I felt like I was slipping into your head, through the bond, and I felt so sick … I literally threw up from the pain I was feeling… I thought something had happened to you, so I came here".

Lissa shook her head at me. "No Rose, I am fine. What are in the hell are you doing training already? I wouldn't have thought that Dimitri would let you do this –"

"It's not Dimitri, its me. I can't sit around anymore…"

"Rose! You can't do this-"

"Lissa! I just can't imagine graduating late and not being your guardian because of something I had no control over. I need to catch up. I need to do this!" I finished with a sound of panic in my voice.

"Rose, throwing up was probably your body's way of telling you that you are moving too fast. You are pushing yourself too hard too soon. I understand that you have a lot of work in front of you, but this is insane! Olendzki even told you to take it easy. This is the opposite of taking it easy … Rose… you are my guardian. I will not let anyone take that away. I want it just as much as you do … but I refuse to sit here and watch you kill yourself over me…" There were tears in Lissa's eyes, and I knew that she sincerely meant every word.

"Lissa, you have to understand that I need to do this. I cannot sit around. I am going crazy." I asserted. "Please just understand that".

Lissa shook her head and sighed loudly. "No Rose, you can't do this. You have to promise me you won't do this … not until you are cleared…"

I stood up and walked towards the door. I could not stand watching Lissa worry about me anymore and she really could not say anything to change my mind.

"Rose, if you keep doing this I will tell Guardian Belikov … he would tell you the same thing". I knew she meant it. It was not so much threat in her voice as it was a promise. She was trying to do something for my own good, and I knew she meant well … but no matter what she said I would find a way to train and she knew that.

___

Despite Lissa's good intentions, I could not give up on my training. Early morning and after school trainings went on for the next few weeks, and after Dimitri failed to show up at my Molnija ceremony, I decided that two miles was no longer enough. I steadily pushed myself to do another mile and to implement more routines into my practice. Pretty soon, I had tallied up my mile to about seven per day intertwined with anaerobic training, weight training and stretches. Slowly my chest was feeling better and I could complete my running without much pain at all, despite the occasional infuriating vomit-fest. Training had never had this affect on me, even when I first started with Dimitri. Although, I had never really been injured like this before, so throwing up may just be that my body had not completely accepted the fact that it would not be resting any longer. A month was all it was going to get and I would take that back if I could.

One night after cooling down I was going to meet Lissa and Christian for a movie night, which basically meant that they were looking for an excuse to get me out of my room. I only accepted because I had felt the anxiety surging through Lissa the last few times I had turned her down to hang out. I was not avoiding her; I just had not really felt like being social. At that thought I realized that maybe it was time for me to get out. Rose of days past would slap me across my face for being so tragically boring. For this reason alone I put on a slim black tank top and my skinny jeans the hugged me in all the right places; I even threw the jeans in the dryer in hopes that they would shrink a little. My clothes weren't as snug as they used to be, which was sad because that's how I liked them. My hair had a quick blow-dry and I even threw a little makeup on. I grabbed my lip gloss and shoved it into my pocket as I slipped into my shoes.

As I opened my door to leave I glanced back around the room. Checking that I had not forgotten anything I backed out the door and suddenly ran into a giant figure. _AH !_ I tried to stifle my scream, but it was too late. I turned directly into Dimitri.

I looked up at him, looming in front of me. Had I really forgotten how tall he was, or how much he looked like a freaking god?

I realized how much I missed him as I took in his appearance, but his face told me that he was not as happy. _Stay calm. _

"Hey Com- … Guardian Belikov," I remembered his letter; short and businesslike. I decided this conversation might be much of the same.

Dimitri's face was stiff like a sculpture, but I saw a glint of something else, maybe something he didn't want me to see. I felt a sense of déjà vu. He was definitely staring and me. I was suddenly glad that I had chosen to get out of my sweats.

I cleared my throat and he immediately blinked a few times as if he were startled.

"Ms Hathaway I have been informed by an anonymous source that you have not been resting per doctors' orders. I am here to tell you that if you do not cease with this behavior, the academy will most likely suspend you until further notice. Do I make myself clear?" he finished quickly. It was almost as if he had rehearsed this little speech.

I smirked at his attempt to be glib. _Psh … anonymous source…_

"Sure Guardian Belikov. Whatever you say… your wish is my command," I made sloppy attempt to salute him and let my arm hang back at my side. "Am I dismissed?" I retorted.

Dimitri glared at me. I could tell that playing his game was really getting under his skin. He looked like he wanted to grab me and shake me.

"I'll take that as a yes," I said giving him a haughty smile as bumped into him trying to pass him in the hall.

"Thanks for the pep talk," I shouted back at him down the hall. Dimitri stood very still staring at me as I walked away. _Lets see how he likes it._ I turned down the last corner and peered back. He was gone. I chucked to myself. _My guess? Dimitri liked being treated this way just as much as I did._

Halfway to Lissa's I suddenly felt a wave of nausea wave over me, but by the time I reached the moroi dorm the feeling had subsided. I stopped to take in a few more breaths of the crisp air hoping that I didn't throw up in front of Lissa.

* * *

"Rose! I'm glad you came!" Lissa shouted as she let me into her dorm. Christian was sitting on the floor in front of a movie; he waved absently into the air at me.

"Yo!" I nodded in his direction, which he then put his hand down –keeping his eyes on the TV.

"Rose! You look great! I mean, this is the first time I've seen you wear makeup in … well. … forever!" Lissa adored. She stared at me like I was a freak show and then hugged me for an obscurely long time. What was going on?

"Liss, if you don't stop, I am going to wash it off…" I smiled sarcastically.

Lissa laughed and gracefully glided over to Christian and sat down. We sat and watched some cheesy movie on one of the free cable channels. Between Lissa and Christian stealing kisses and the ridiculous movie dialogue I wondered why I came out in the first place. Eventually, I had settled on the fact that I probably hadn't watched enough cheesy movies lately. Basically hiding in my room for almost a month could probably use a bad line or two.

" …**Flash I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the earth…"**

Or maybe not …I looked over at Lissa with a glare. She looked over at me and giggled loudly. At least someone was having a good time. I realized being here was just as much for me as it was for Lissa. She needed to see that I was okay and watching her laugh again reminded me of how much I missed being around her.

"Okay, I need to stretch and get a soda or something, need anything?" Christian moved to his feet and headed for the door. _Why didn't I think of that? _

"Oh, oh! Soda is good, whatever you can find!" Lissa chirped. I nodded at Christian and he smiled and left the room, closing the door silently behind him.

Lissa fixed her gaze back on the TV when I remembered my encounter with Dimitri.

"I didn't actually think you would tell Belikov, Liss. I mean, I knew you had concerns, but really?" I said somewhat annoyed.

Lissa turned her head with her eyes still on the TV, but then she slowly moved them toward me.

"hmm? Wait … Belikov? Guardian Belikov?" she asked looking puzzled. "I haven't seen him since you were in the clinic" she explained. "Why…did you talk to him?" she asked.

"Um, no, you just seemed really serious the last time we talked about my training. I thought you were going to say something" I fidgeted with the remote. I didn't want to tell her that he actually said I would be suspended. _If she didn't say something, how did he know_?

Lissa laughed, "No … Rose I didn't say anything. Yet!" she laughed again.

"Wait, since I was in the clinic? Dim- er … Guardian Belikov was there?" My heart stopped.

"Uh, yeah Rose. When I heard you were coming back I waited at the clinic until they brought you in" she muted the TV and turned toward me crossing her legs in front of her.

"It was surreal… like, I was sitting in the room waiting – Christian told me to read a magazine, but I was too anxious. There was a lot of noise in the hall and Guardian Belikov came into the room, like stormed in, with you in his arms," she paused and looked down at a piece of loose carpet. "You looked like a rag doll." She looked back up at me, her eyes glassy and rimmed with tears.

"Lissa, you don't have to –"

"You were so still. I wanted to go to you, but I felt like I was frozen in my chair … and Guardian Belikov just stood there staring at you... I could tell that he was worried and he probably felt responsible in some way, being your mentor and all …Olendzki was trying to clean you up and … everyone was asking Belikov questions. Rose it was awful. We were all kicked out, except for the guardians who I assumed were on the scene with you, and your mom."

"So he was there," I asserted. "He hasn't really talked to me … I didn't think he stayed around when I was out" I shrugged.

"Oh Rose, you should have seen him. The chest of his shirt was literally covered in your blood. They kept telling him to clean up and come back but it looked like he didn't hear them … I saw him leaving the clinic most of the days I was coming to visit you… I only assumed he was checking up on you too," she said looking like she was trying to bring back a distant memory.

Christian walked in with a few sodas in hand and a bag of pretzels.

"They only had diet soda, I hope that's oka-" he started, but stopped suddenly taking in the atmosphere of the room. It was probably evident that the movie had taken a back seat.

"I can come back later- if .."

"No, Christian, it's fine." I started. "Let's just watch the rest of this amazing movie; I hope they save the world… they only have like five hours left!" I said through a wide mouthed smile, throwing two thumbs up.

Christian laughed and sat back down as we cracked open our sodas. A few minutes back into the movie Lissa looked at me out of the corner of her eye and winked; I returned a small smile.


	8. Chapter 8: Another Bench

After talking to Dimitri I realized that I should take more precautions. I could not quit my training, but I also could not risk getting caught; consequently, being kicked out would not give me guardianship over Lissa either. I had thought about that a lot lately. If I was not Lissa's guardian I don't know what I would do. I decided I would take my chances by starting an hour earlier than I had before. For the next week or so I would push myself to get up two hours before most were even thinking about waking up.

When I reached the track, after stretches and weights, I suddenly realized that Dimitri may have been warning me instead of threatening me. When he came to my room before, he came personally to tell me that I could be suspended … maybe he was telling me something that I was not supposed to really know. It _was_ possible that being suspended was not exactly his idea. I realized that being so cold to Dimitri while he may have been helping me more than likely made me look like a bitch.

_Did that mean I was going to stop training? No_.

I rounded the track with about four miles left as the pain from my stomach crept on me again. This time it was much like the first, sharp and just as nauseating. I stopped and put my head between my knees and breathed deeply. This was what I had heard people on TV say helped. Who was I to argue with hot doctors? Slowly the nausea went away and felt better aside from the light dizziness. This was really getting annoying.

I decided to cut training short since I had already gotten away from throwing up today. I would just have to make up for it the rest of the week. I went back to my dorm and showered. The sun was just going down by the time I finished my shower and put my jeans on.

My phone vibrated loudly on my nightstand. _Lissa_. No one else would be up or calling me this early on a Monday.

"Hey Liss," I answered.

"Uh hey Rose, actually it's Christian. Lissa forgot her phone with me," he justified.

… and why did he call to tell me this?

"Well … Christian … I am sure you can give it back to her … is that all?" I asked confused. Christian had never really called me unless it was on Lissa's behalf. I was starting to suspect that this was no different.

"Well, actually R there was something I wanted to talk about," he started.

_R? _

"Yeah go ahead C … " I said somewhat mockingly.

Christian laughed nervously.

"Rose, I guess I was just wondering how you are doing?" he asked plainly, though he had taken the hint that 'R' wasn't something I was going to accept. I was almost shocked. Christian and I weren't really that great of friends aside from being important to Lissa. Usually, we just put up with each other for her sake.

"I'm good, thanks," I mustered. I didn't really know how to respond.

"Well, I hope so. Lissa still seems to be pretty worried about you. She mentioned that you've been getting sick lately? She said she saw you throw up after lunch the other day… I mean, she just thinks you might be doing too much too soon. She said that you looked tired a lot lately…and last night you didn't look too good." It was clear this was pretty uncomfortable for him, yet he pressed on.

"I'm not trying to say anything, other than I hope you're okay… Lissa worries about you pretty easily. If there is something going on, I think you should talk to her, that's all. I think it would make her feel useful… maybe she could help you."

I froze. I hadn't thought anyone had been in the bathroom when I threw up after lunch that day. I was pretty sure it was just my training … or something I ate … Plus, I had been pretty exhausted after training, catching up with homework and sneaking out again to fit more training in. It was possible.

The silence was uncomfortable, but I had no idea what to say.

"Rose, why don't you walk with us to class a little early today? I think Lissa would like it …" Christian finished trying to negate the awkwardness.

"Sure, I'll meet you guys on the front steps near those benches or something. I'll be there in like a half hour?" I finished trying to sound upbeat. I wasn't used to trying to see how Christian read me, so I was pretty sure he wouldn't second guess me.

"Cool, see ya then Rose," Christian responded and I quickly hung up the phone.

_What was that all about?_

Walking up, I didn't have to see Lissa to know she was excited that I was coming. I rounded the corner to see her sitting next to Christian on one of the stone benches in front.

"Rose!" she ran up and hugged me.

"Lissa, I literally saw you yesterday," I chided.

Lissa frowned slightly, "Can I be excited to see you evvver?" Lissa leaned toward me with a smirk. How was she this happy so early? If I hadn't been up for two hours already I would probably look like a zombie. I definitely was still unhappy about being awake. I felt exhausted.

Lissa took her seat back next to Christian and I perched myself on the back of the bench facing them. I kicked the leaves off of the bench seat below me, making crunching sounds under my shoes. Lissa smiled at me and Christian looked back and forth between the two of us. It was like he was ready to watch the sitcom that was Lissa and I.

"So, Liss seems like working with Adrian has been going well," slipping in and out of Lissa's thoughts, I didn't need to really ask. I knew they had been working together off and on, and I knew that she had been making some progress using spirit. Sometimes I just felt like Lissa should feel some sort of agency in her own life, instead of taking her thoughts from her. I tried to give her as much privacy as possible, but at times I felt like she wanted me with her… like she needed me.

Lissa glanced over at Christian who had taken a stick from the ground to pick gum off the bottom of his shoe.

"Yeah, its good. He's a big help," she smiled impassively. I could tell this conversation was making her uncomfortable. I knew Christian and Adrian weren't the best of friends and Lissa spending more time with him only made it worse.

I nodded back in acknowledgement.

"So Rose I bet you're excited for your training session after school with Belikov?" Christian prompted raising his eyes from the work on his shoe.

"Yeah, Rose I can't believe it has been almost two months since you came back. It really feels like yesterday…" Lissa mused. Christian squeezed her knee and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She pecked him on the cheek. He knew she was still thinking about how I could have died. But how could she think I would be taken down so easily? After all, I am pretty amazing.

I chuckled and smiled back at them.

_Had it really been two months?_ I didn't realize I actually would get to be back in training already. One month spent in a coma and the other spent trying to regain my strength and sanity. It couldn't have really been a whole month since I woke up…

Something was not adding up. My pulse quickened. My smile suddenly melted off of my face and I was feeling flushed.

"Oh .. my god …"I murmured staring off into space.

"What?" Christian asked, as he went back to playing with his shoe.

"It can't be" I heard myself say … It sounded like my voice was in a tunnel far away. I heard nothing but the sound of my own faltering voice echoing around me.

Lissa stood up and slowly walked toward me, her eyes narrowed.

"Rose? What is it?" she put her hand on my knee and brought me back to the present.

I quickly turned my face toward hers but my mind was rapidly firing, I felt my face getting hotter. My mouth opened to speak, but it was dry and I could not coherently form sentences.

"Two… ? But that …. it can't …" I stammered looking into her jade eyes; I wanted her to understand me.

"Rose ?!" Lissa said now more alarmed than curious.

I felt my breath fall short and quick in my chest. This couldn't be happening? I've been awake for almost a month, I've been here for two … and nothing. I can't believe I didn't notice this before…

Slowly my eyes were beginning to fill with that blackness I hated so much. It was like a dark curtain coming down; the show was ending for intermission. The blackness started to envelop me quickly; it wavered for a few seconds before taking me completely. I was just aware enough to feel my body slip off the back of the bench.

A second later I was awake … or at least it felt like a second. I could hear Lissa tugging at me through the bond, but I could hear her voice as well. I opened my eyes and looked up at her.

"Rose, stay still. Christian, go get someone," she looked around desperately.

"No, no I'm fine. I just slipped. Christian don't worry about it." I started to sit up but Lissa pushed me back down into the grass.

"Hah! I knew it Hathaway! We had a sneaky suspicion you had left to join your own kind, but I didn't think you would do it out in the open like this!" Jesse Zeklos said in a gruff voice.

"Yeah, Hathaway. I thought you would have got your fix being a bloodwhore before coming to school; this is just sick," Ralf added.

What Jesse and Ralf saw from their vantage point was Lissa leaning over me in the grass and Christian hovering nearby. I literally wish I could have charged both boys, but I sat up quickly when I heard Christian move. He crossed the space over to Jesse and Ralf and looked at them each slowly.

"Take it back," Christian scowled. I could see the heat rising in his face.

Jesse and Ralf bust out in hysterics. Ralf even slapped his knee, clearly mocking Christian's lean attempt to avenge me. They slowly stopped laughing as they walked away from Christian and up the front steps to class.

"Oh, and Hathaway … in case you need a good booty call I've always wanted a good blood whore on speed-dial!" Jesse shouted back at me. Ralf busted into laughter again. Clearly his laughter fueled Jesse's bravado. "Bloodwhore, seriously, I'll call you, you come over… you show me your titties… you can suck on my neck and then I'll let you suck on-"

Just then a blur slammed into Jesse knocking him flat; a whirl of papers flung into the air.

Through a fury of fists and choice words Mason stopped wailing on Jesse's face to take a few deep breaths and to wipe the blood off his hands onto Jesse's shirt. He grabbed Jesse off the ground and pulled him close to his face.

"You want to talk!? I think you and I should talk! You fucking pick on her, why don't you pick on me?! You better start fighting back Zeklos!" Mason shouted throwing in another punch knocking him back to the ground.

It was clear that Jesse was not about to get up.

"If I ever fucking see you talking about Rose like that again, I will fucking kill you" he said through clenched teeth and a murderous gaze. I saw Jesse nod slowly as Mason stood up.

"You won't do it," Ralf shot, yet immediately his eyes grew large with shock. It was almost as if he hadn't intended to say it out loud.

Mason stared dead at Ralf. A look came over Mason's face that I had never seen on him before. He was almost satanic looking. This was the same look I had seen on Dimitri when he found Jesse and me making. It was a face I had hoped to never see again; it was terrifying.

Ralf took a few steps back, nearly tripping over his own feet. Mason did not have to say a word; it was over. Ralf helped Jesse up and they quickly ran in through front door to school.

By now half of the Academy had seen Jesse call me a bloodwhore and subsequently, Mason kicking the crap out of him. As soon as Jesse and Ralf disappeared, the students continued to their classes almost as if nothing happened. Their voices were hushed and in whispers; many of them were pointing at me and giggling. As they passed Mason they gave him a wide berth.

_Mason_

He was staring down at the ground. His chest rose once very heavily and he put his hands out in front of him to look at his knuckles; he flexed them slowly and then let his arms fall to his side. He looked around to find his bag on the ground a few feet away, picked it up and headed down the set of stairs Jesse and Ralf had just ascended; he kept walking until he was just a few steps away from where Lissa and I were sitting on the grass behind the bench.

Mason looked over at me with a somber stare. His face looked tired and somehow unfamiliar, but I could still see a hint of the Mason I knew.

He nodded at me, "I saw you fall. Are you okay?" The way he said it was very thin and to the point. This was starting to feel like the letter from Dimitri. There was very little feeling in this question and it was my fault; I broke his heart with no explanation. I looked at him with light tears welling up and nodded. He nodded back to me like he might speak again, but instead, he slowly walked away.


	9. Chapter 9: Late

I sat with a drained gaze at the empty seat a few rows over where Jesse Zeklos usually sat, but I assumed he was avoiding me or possibly crying somewhere. I sneered at this thought. I still could not believe that Mason would defend me like that. On the other hand, I guess it was not that big of a shock … but since I had officially broken up with him, he had made it quite clear that he did not want to talk to me. The last few combat classes had not really been very smooth. Luckily, I was not able to participate in any of the drills. Being paired with Mason after that would likely end poorly.

I was also still slightly in shock at this point. I could not believe that it had been over a month and I didn't realize something like missing my period. I guess I was not completely back into my routine and it hadn't occurred to me that small things like 'possibly being pregnant' could come up. _I can't be pregnant_. I remembered Mason begging me to talk to him… or someone … about what had happened before he found me, but I guess I hadn't completely realize what he was getting at. The bell startled me and I nearly jumped out of my chair. I had packed up early despite the lecture so I used my sudden start as a reason to dart out of the room. Slovak Art never seemed to suit my interests anyway.

Lissa met me just outside on my way down the stairs. I could feel her hoping that I would say something to her, but I knew she would wait until we got back to my dorm.

"Hey cousin; little dhampir… long time no see," Adrian crossed the tall dark grass to meet us halfway down the path.

Lissa answered quickly, "Rose has been pretty busy trying to get back into the swing of things. She is just starting her training with Guardian Belikov today."

"Oh is that right _Rose_?" Adrian looked sarcastically across Lissa at me. "Guardian Belikov huh?"

I sneered over at him, "Yep".

Adrian usually ignored my snarky attitude. "Well, I guess I will catch you two some other time then. Looks like you've got a lot on your mind…maybe I'll talk to you later about it." Adrian stopped walking and assessed Lissa and my face. Before we could answer he turned back the way he came.

Lissa looked at him and then to me, "Sometimes, I totally do not get him…"

I rolled my eyes and continued toward the dorms.

Lissa stared up at me as she sat down on my bed. I sighed and pressed my palm against my forehead, as if that would make my words any less strange. I had watched a million movies where girls had to tell someone that they were possibly pregnant, but it didn't feel like this at all. It wasn't funny and it never seemed to be this awkward. I had hidden so many personal things from Lissa in the past. Usually, it was to keep her from getting anxious and possibly hurting herself. More recently, I hadn't told her about my feelings for Dimitri. I don't think I could tell her that, not ever. Oddly, this was something I had to tell her; I could feel it in my gut. I didn't know how she would take it, but I needed her.

"Liss … Before Mason and I killed strigoi in Spokane, there were a lot of things that happened before we even got to that point." This was the first time I had actively tried to remember the events leading up to blacking out. I took my time and cut out parts that I knew would upset Lissa.

"I was supposed to distract any strigoi I came across so Mason could get Mia, Eddie and Christian out into the sun."

"Yeah, Christian told me everything he remembered. He said that they all got pretty far away and they called the guardians, but then Mason took off to go find you…"she trailed off.

I remembered waking up in disbelief when I heard Mason's voice. I told him to get everyone out and to forget about me. If he hadn't come back he might not have known what happened. I wanted so badly just to tell her. I wanted to just let everything out. I just couldn't stop the tears. Lissa stood up and tried to hug me but I stepped out of her arms and put my hands up in protest.

"No!" I covered my eyes.

"Rose, talk to me! I couldn't be there for you in Spokane, but I can be here for you now … please just tell me…" Lissa raised her arms somewhat frustrated. "I've been sitting here waiting for you to talk to me about this…" She grabbed me into a forced hug. "Rose, I can keep waiting … but I think you should talk to someone… even if it isn't me…"

It was hard to swallow. Truth was, I suddenly did not feel ready to tell Lissa everything. I tried to start, but for some reason it didn't seem like the right time. _Just tell her!_

"I might be pregnant!" I shouted. Lissa pushed me away and studied my eyes.

_Does she really think I would joke about something like this?_

"How? Well … I know howww that happens … but I mean what …exactly …." It was definitely awkward. She was trying to say it the right way, but the truth was- there wasn't a good way to say it. I bailed her out of more questions.

"Before Mason came back I was knocked out by this strigoi … he … I'm pretty sure that he is the reason I think I am pregnant." I couldn't say his name and I couldn't actually say what had happened. Lissa looked at me and shook her head in disbelief. She grabbed my hand and held it tightly in hers.

"Oh Rose…why didn't you say anything until now?" She squeezed my hand harder.

"I didn't think about it. Until you guys mentioned that I had been back for two months I was pretty sure that I had possibly imagined the whole thing. But I haven't had … I didn't even remember that I was supposed to have a period! This is how freaking weird my life has been! I haven't had even a semblance of my old life, how was I supposed to remember this?" Tears were forming and my eyes felt warm; I let my arms pull around me. I wanted to just curl up and forget everything. I was falling apart.

Lissa hugged me again tightly. This time she didn't let go.

She leaned in and whispered in my ear. "Whatever happens, you will always ALWAYS have me. I will not let you go through this alone," she was crying quietly now. I knew she was trying to be brave for me.

I was staring over her shoulder and I suddenly realized that I was already late for training. I had not anticipated that my first official day back that I would be wishing I had another day … or two off. I couldn't stop crying, but I knew that I had to leave. I dressed slowly and Lissa helped me drag my gym bag out of the bottom of the closet. It had been a while since I had taken an actual bag with me to train; the manuals and guardian books weren't on my priority list lately.

As I was walking out the door with Lissa she hesitated.

"When do you want to buy … you know?" Lissa shrugged and lifted her eyebrows slightly. I knew she was trying to ask me about pregnancy tests, but I was in too much of a hurry to get to the gym.

"Liss… I really don't know. I guess maybe tomorrow… sometime?" I proposed.

"I'll find you tomorrow after class. We can figure out how to get one from the clinic or something … I'll figure it out." Lissa's approach was comforting. I couldn't imagine being at this juncture alone.

I had to run to the gym because I knew Dimitri was waiting for me. He was probably listening to something like Duran Duran and I rolled my eyes just before opening the gym door.

"You realize you're a half hour late," Dimitri bellowed from across the empty gym. The lights were dimmed except for where he stood opposite from me. "There are many other things I could be doing." His voice was icy and low. _Yeah, like hanging out with freaking Tasha! _I stopped halfway across the gym realizing that I probably should have tried to put a little makeup on since I cried most of it off only a few minutes ago; my eyelids were starting to puff up. I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt up and fixed it so it covered some of my face; I let my hair cover what it could.

I walked slowly into the light beaming down upon Dimitri's hard features. The perpendicular lines of his muscles created dark and serious shadows. In this light I could see what his enemies probably felt. He looked menacing.

I stopped nearly two feet from him.

"I apologize Guardian Belikov, it will not happen again," I said in a low voice without looking up at him.

"I think you might just add another mile to your warm-up. Maybe you will not be so late next time if there are consequences." He stopped, most likely waiting for my protest, but I didn't have one to give.

"Two miles. Let's go," he moved toward the door expecting me to follow. I threw my gym bag down and jogged in front of him and through the door. I wanted to get this training session over. I was tired, I was scared and I was definitely not in the mood to be chided by Dimitri today. Two miles would be done in no time.

"Pick up the pace" Dimitri commented my second lap around the track. I hadn't really stretched or anything, so I had used my first lap to get going. I picked up my pace as Dimitri instructed. I had never seen him so harsh, not even when we first met and he was literally taking me and Lissa prisoner. Something was different; something was wrong. I wouldn't accept that he suddenly switched his emotions off and became this … dictator.

I was now running at a good speed. I was used to seven miles so, at two, I could pick up my pace without worrying about endurance. I felt my speed increase. I really think my body just wanted to run right off the track back to the dorms and take that pregnancy test. Then I would run right out of campus and disappear.

Dimitri was now suddenly jogging next to me. I could feel his eyes trying to look at me through my hood. "This is not what I meant when I said 'pick up the pace'. This is much too fast. You need to build up to speed, otherwise you will exhaust yourself."

I kept running without a word. I knew I could do this, because I had been doing it for weeks now.

"Ms. Hathaway you will listen to me. I am your-"

"What! You are my what?! MENTOR???" I hastily stopped running as I furiously stared at the track in front of me. I wanted to cry but I didn't think my body could make tears anymore today, at least not just yet. I felt my whole body tense and my breathing was quick.

"Yes, and you are to do as instructed." He said standing a few feet behind me.

I hadn't wanted Dimitri to see me like this, but the fury I was harboring had risen in my chest and was now biting at my lips. My breathing was heavy as I turned toward him. I crossed the space between us and looked up at him from the bottom of my eyes.

"If you think that you can selectively become my mentor, you should expect that I might selectively tell you to fuck off!" I said as I sneered at him in a low and careful voice. I realized now that I had been angrier with Dimitri than I thought, but I had to keep calm. He would just call me a child and tell me to leave practice.

Dimitri took a step backwards. He was breathing just as heavily as I was from the run.

"What!!?" I shouted at him

He slowed his breathing a little and rubbed the back of his neck with his palm. He looked like he was about to say something but his posture became stiff again.

"Maybe I was wrong to start training so soon." Dimitri looked down at me.

"No, I am ready. I just didn't expect that you would ignore me and turn into Hitler." I could tell I was sounding furious so I lowered my voice, "Just tell me what you want and I'll do it" I finished turning to run.

I picked up my pace, but not enough to hopefully make him get mad again. I rounded the track in good time, but as I approached the end of that lap Dimitri stood in the middle of the lane staring at me. I turned to run in the outer lane to go around him, but he moved to stand in my path yet again. I slowed to a stop again in front of him.

We stared at each other. Dimitri slowly strode toward me. A few strands of his hair were escaping the rubber-band he had low on the back of his head.

"Rose, if you're not completely ready it is fine. We can just wait a few more weeks. Practices cannot be like this" he said while his eyes assessed me.

As I looked up at him, my hood fell off the back of my head and the wind blew my hair loosely around my face. Dimitri's hand carefully tucked some of the strands behind my ear. I froze. _Now, I am confused._ Before I had even told Dimitri to take Tasha up on her offer I felt like I should just grow up and forget about what he means to me. He even seemed like that was exactly what he wanted … but it was times like this that I couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't completely happy.

He was looking back and forth between my eyes and my pink cheeks. His face was somewhat confused, maybe even concerned.

My chin trembled for a second. _No, you will not cry anymore today!_ I looked away from his eyes for a second. When I felt like the tears wouldn't come again I looked back at him.

"I need to train -things just need to go back to normal." Dimitri didn't need to know everything.

The look on Dimitri's face gave me the impression that he was deeply thinking about this. Then he nodded slowly to me, "Alright".

"I'll finish my run, and then we can get to training".

"Just finish your run. You can go after that." He finished calmly. He took one last look at my face and then turned back toward the gym.

"Whatever you say." I started my jog and picked my pace back up.

There was something in the way he looked at me that reminded me of the way we were together before Spokane. He had told me that he loved me, but we could not be together because we were going to be guarding Lissa together eventually. But since Spokane, Dimitri and I had not even really spoken, except about training stuff. Maybe he was doing the right thing for himself and moving on to be with Tasha … I guess that is what I told him he should do.

I rounded my last lap and I was suddenly reminded that there were things greater than my relationship with Dimitri.

[** Special love sent out to my beta reader chattgirl4 ;]** ]


	10. Chapter 10: Don't Baby Me

Early the next morning I was so nervous that I actually threw up a few times before I even got into the shower. I hadn't slept at all; I was scared and numb. I just had to wait for early training, sit through the day and then wait for the pregnancy test results. I got a head start on the day just so it wouldn't seem so slow.

I made sure that I was at the gym about fifteen minutes before I was supposed to meet Dimitri; it was empty, which I half expected. I threw my bag in its spot next to the door and decided to start my running to get it out of the way. I had been used to the seven mile run, so I decided I would start with that. I had to make up for only running about two miles yesterday.

About ten minutes later I saw Dimitri wander out next to the track and as I passed him he nodded silently at me. Convinced that I had earned some respect back I picked up my pace and continued.

I passed Dimitri several more times. Each time I passed he seemed to be somewhere else in his head. He was seemingly lost in thought until I came around to start my fifth mile.

"Rose, you're done" Dimitri called.

I looked at him and slowed down. "I was going to go to seven," I shrugged at him.

He shook his head with a small smug grin on his face. "No, Rose you don't want to over do it just yet. Let's go in; we have some things to go over" he finished.

I stopped and rolled my eyes. I wasn't huffing nearly as much as a month ago. I was actually proud that he had to tell me to stop. Usually Dimitri was pushing me to go faster and to be stronger.

We entered the gym where he had two chairs set up near each other.

"Sit," he said as he pointed toward the chairs. He walked over toward his gym bag as I followed orders.

I sat down and waited. Dimitri walked back with a towel in his hand which he tossed in my lap as he grabbed the other chair to sit across from me. He sat up straight with his hands promptly in his lap. His face gave him away; he was calculating his words.

"Rose, it has come to my attention that, even though you are physically ready for training, there are some other concerns." It was a question, but it wasn't phrased that way. His offhanded way of asking me how I was doing seemed strange.

"I am assuming you mean that _Janine_ called and she wanted to make sure I wasn't completely insane. Well, you can tell her that I'm perfectly fine… Let's get to the training part and skip Dr. Phil hour," I said uncrossing my legs getting up.

Dimitri eyed the chair and, reluctantly, I sat down.

"Rose, _your mother_ has been keeping in contact with the other guardians and me. She asks about you every time and she mentioned that, despite many phone calls, you haven't returned one of them?" His eyebrows rose questioningly, to which I simply nodded. I hadn't been avoiding my mother, just any possibility of conversations about Spokane. Conversations that probably began much like this one.

Dimitri took a deep breath and exhaled. As he did he leaned his elbows on his lap and he rubbed his hands together in front of him.

"Rose, I have had many meetings since the incident in Spokane. A few of the guardians, and others as well, have asked that I talk about it with you." His hesitation on the word _others_ needed no explanation. I knew he was talking about Mason. _That traitor._

"And?" I asked leaning on my own elbows, mimicking Dimitri's body language.

Dimitri broke our gaze and stared down at his hands. "And I just want you to know that I am here if you need to talk about anything." As he said 'anything' he looked directly into my eyes. His questioning look gave me the impression that he wanted me to start talking; just spill my soul right there in the gym.

Suddenly I wasn't feeling so well. Did Dimitri really want to talk about this? Here? Now? My stomach sank. I literally wanted to just disappear. I wanted to make this whole conversation go away.

Sweat covered my face and heat rose in my chest. My vision blurred and my ears roared.

"I think I need some water .. or something.." I stood and walked toward the drinking fountains. I stood there and let the water just hit my lips, watching the water swirl down the drain. _Okay, he doesn't need to know anything._

I tried to delay as long as possible, but eventually I had to turn and go back. I did feel a little better as I sat back down in my chair. Dimitri sat very still with a sullen look on his face. "Rose?" He looked at me skeptically.

"I don't have anything to talk about right now …"

"Rose, if you're not feeling well you should go back to your dorm. There is no reason to start working if you aren't ready… I understand if you need more time."

"I'm fine. Really. - I want to train…I just want to move on and get back to **my** life. Ya know?" I said hopefully. He had to know that this was awkward.

He didn't seem like he was buying my story, but then that crooked smile that I love so much snuck onto his face. Dimitri even laughed a little; my heart squeezed momentarily. There were so many expressions he tried to hide; consequently, these were the ones I loved most.

"So what does 'getting back to your life' mean anyway? Going back to fighting boys and breaking their hearts?" Dimitri teased.

"Something like that…" I didn't know if Dimitri had realized that I had broken up with Mason. But the look on my face must have given something away because Dimitri suddenly stopped laughing and he bit his lower lip unconsciously.

"Can we train now? Please?" I said almost begging. I wanted to just get in there and get back to learning new moves and testing my reflexes. "Please?" I said leaning toward him. I looked longingly into Dimitri's eyes and held his gaze; I even batted my eyelashes for an extra punch. He didn't stand a chance.

Dimitri rolled his eyes, "Go over to the practice dummies …" he finished in a jokingly exasperated tone.

"Yes!" I wanted to hug him, I was so happy. I quickly ran over to where the anatomical dummies stood. I had almost missed beating up their stupid misshapen faces, especially the one with the red hair. I walked up to this one and said smugly, "You ready to have your ass staked?! Well!? THAT'S RIGHT! COWER IN FEAR! Mwahahaha!" I jabbed around with my hands quickly. It felt good to smile and joke around. I kinda felt like the old Rose, the one I knew I was inside.

Dimitri stood next to me doing the cool one-eyebrow thing; he looked at me like I was crazy. I laughed a little embarrassed and he still looked at me skeptically, but he handed me a stake and told me to get a little work in focusing on moves we had learned before. _Just under the ribs._

Before I started I tilted my head and looked back and forth through the row of dummies.

"There is something different… is this a new dummy or something?" I asked looking over at Dimitri.

He looked up appraising the dummy I was pointing at. He looked back at the book he had been reading and answered quietly, "I don't know".

I thought it was weird that Dimitri seemed to know nothing about it, but this one dummy definitely looked newer than the others.

I shrugged it off as inconsequential.

I went to work staking the dummy a few good times. Dimitri even allowed himself to give a few compliments.

"You are doing really well Rose. Just make sure you stay on your toes a bit more" he corrected.

"I am on my toes … Plus, I'm pretty sure if this dummy came to life…… I could still take him…. quite …..easily" My words were a staccato of my movements.

"Rose here, put the stake down. I will show you what I mean." Dimitri walked behind me.

I turned and looked up at him incredulously with my hand on my hip. I may have been overacting to compensate for the fact that I loved every second I was near him.

"Get into fighting stance and follow my lead," he said. It felt good to be back with my mentor instead of the Nazi version he had morphed into more recently.

Dimitri and I were in our fighting stance and we were encircling each other. He threw an easy blow in my direction, which I quickly blocked.

"C'mon Comrade … don't baby me. I'm ready," I laughed and let a sly smile pull on the left corner of my mouth. Without hesitation Dimitri moved. This time he was quick, too quick. His blow knocked my feet out from under me and I slammed flat onto my back. Despite having the wind knocked out of me, I was okay. _So much for ready…_

"Rose!" Suddenly Dimitri's face came into my view above my head. His hair hung in his eyes as he tried to assess my pain.

"I'm perfectly fine" I said. I started to sit up and Dimitri's hand reached toward my shoulder to help me up. I flinched. His hand was almost at my shoulder and I jerked out of his grasp.

"I said I'm fine! How many times have you knocked me on my ass?! I can at least get up, lets get back to practice" I said using the wall to get to my feet.

Dimitri's eyebrows constricted and he opened his mouth.

"Rose I was just going to help you up," he said turning his head slightly.

"I'm good. Let's go. Obviously, I need to work on not getting my feet taken out from under me," I said lightly. Dimitri's eyes still narrowed, but he motioned for me to go back to the mat for more work. Eventually I realized how flat-footed I really was during combat and Dimitri even suggested focusing on staying on my toes as much as possible until it became habitual. Training went well despite falling behind in some of my moves; I wasn't as bad as I thought I would be.

One part of my day down, now just class. Dimitri told me he wanted to skip after school practice until I felt better. I was somewhat relieved and completely exhausted. I didn't know if I could wait much longer to take that stupid test.

School went by slowly, yet I arrived in Combat Training eager to get back into the swing of things.

"Hathaway, I heard you're back today!" Eddie called from the mat where he was stretching.

I smiled my famous man eating smile, "Don't think you can slack off against me Eddie, I wasn't exactly sitting around waiting for this."

"I thought you weren't supposed to do anything until today…" Eddie questioned.

"She wasn't.

I turned around to see Mason staring at Eddie and me. He looked like he had when I saw him before school the day before. He showed little expression on his face, yet I knew he was trying very hard to hide his emotions. He looked from Eddie to me and then back to Eddie without moving his head.

"She has been training practically since she could walk again."

Eddie laughed, "Damn Hathaway… that Belikov is insane –"

"Belikov even told her to stop training. She was doing it despite the fact that she could have been expelled," Mason's words weren't angry, they were of disappointment.

I glared at Mason.

"Ouch Ashford, if looks could kill I would say you would be toast about now," Eddie interjected.

I walked over to Mason and he turned so that Eddie couldn't hear what we were saying.

"Yeah, I wonder how Belikov even knew I was training in the first place…" I grumbled sarcastically.

"Hathaway, it's not like you were training on the _super secret_ _track_ that no one could ever see. I saw you one morning when I was going to run," Mason said simply.

"Yeah, that's all good but when did you become such a nark Ashford? I couldn't stand being cooped up inside all the time. If you had just –"

"If I had asked you, we both know you would have tried to feed me some bullshit story and I would have ended up in the same place; I would still have no idea what is going on with you," he said a little less angrily.

"You didn't have to tell Belikov, jeez!" I looked around to make sure no one could hear me.

"Rose, I watched you almost keel over and throw up both of the times I saw you out there. I had to say something …" he raised his arms in frustration.

"You told Dimitri that you saw me sick?" I was horrified. I didn't want Dimitri to think I was weak. I definitely didn't want him suspicious enough to try to figure out why I was sick.

"No. I told him that you were training and that I was worried about you… still am." He nudged me gently with his elbow. I knew he was just trying to be a good guy, but I was still annoyed that he told Dimitri anything at all.

"HATHAWAY! Do you think you're going to catch up through _osmosis_ or something? Get to work!" Alto shouted from across the room.

Mason turned toward the rest of the group and I followed close behind him. Fortunately, this class went by much faster than the others. I was paired with Eddie for a few drills which I did pretty well with. I even used what Dimitri had taught me that morning on Eddie. I laid him out a few times and he called me a cheater, to which I called him a lazy fat lard and eventually we just stopped talking.

Class ended and I realized that it wouldn't be too long until the school day was over. I was anxious and nervous about the pregnancy test, but I just wanted to get it over with. In the last class of my day I literally thought I saw the big hand on the clock move backwards.

[3 **love sent out to my beta reader chattgirl4 ;]** ]

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	11. Chapter 11: Squiggly

I crawled under my covers, slowly replaying the events of the day in my head. First, I was somewhat surprised that Dimitri had tried to sit down and talk about Spokane. I think he and I avoided awkward conversations as much as possible, but it was just like … kinda weird. If someone had asked me if it was out of character, a few months ago I would have said no. But, as of recently, I can't predict how he will act from one day to the next. I remembered a line from a movie I had watched with Lissa back in Portland…"your mood swings are kind of giving me whiplash". It was a good line because I knew exactly how the girl felt; confused, annoyed and somewhat angry.

Combat class was another story. It turned out that Mason was the one to tell Dimitri that I was training early… and who knows what else ... The rest of the day was kind of a blur until I got back to my dorm. I had called Lissa and she ran over. While I was at early morning training she had gone to the little general store on campus and purchased a pregnancy test. I didn't think they would keep something like that at the store, usually I just went in there for my fix of sugar free Red Bull and to refill on shampoo and things. It was obvious that the pregnancy test had been on the shelf for a few years and it was a brand name I had never even seen in commercials, but Lissa came through.

…..

"This has to be like the longest two and a half minutes ever! I literally could have run a marathon already!"

"Rose, chill… it has only been thirty seconds and the box said that it won't be visible for another two. Put it down and just wait!" Lissa poked.

We were sitting on the floor in my room watching the clock eagerly. Lissa tried to read a magazine but she flipped through it several times within the first minute. I was doubtful that she could even tell me what magazine it was.

I stood up and started pacing the floor.

"If I'm pregnant it will not be that bad. By the time I start to really show it will be near the end of the semester! I can just have the thing after we graduate and it will all be okay…" I looked down at Lissa.

"Thing, Rose?" She said somewhat grossed out.

"Well, right now it's a thing in my head, okay? I don't want to start appropriating gender or naming it yet."

"It?"

"Stop. Okay. HE OR SHE, happy?" I said in a maddened tone.

Lissa smiled smugly, "Yes, thank you".

I stared skeptically at the amused look on her face. Ever since Lissa and I were little she had always talked about one day having kids. If I were to have one she could live her dreams early, and vicariously through me…

So many thoughts were coursing through my head so I just started shooting out some of them in Lissa's direction. "So, it is totally possible that I'm not pregnant. I mean, I could have missed my period because I was in a coma right? That happens, I think … and I could just be throwing up because I'm pushing myself too hard at training…." I looked at Lissa for acknowledgement.

"Well, I don't know very much about this, but I completely agree with the last part. I told you that I thought you were pushing yourself too hard." Lissa stopped when she saw the look on my face.

"Not helping," I snapped.

"Fine, it is totally possible. It is also possible that you just missed it this month. It happens." She said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"You're right. That has happened to me before! Sometimes when I am uber stressed I just skip it altogether! Lissa you are a genius!" I shouted throwing my hands up.

The timer on Lissa's cell phone went off loudly. Suddenly, I was not so eager to see the results, but Lissa's understanding smile brought me back.

"Do you want me to tell you what it says?" She asked quietly. She tucked her hair behind her ears and got up from the floor. Her left shoelace was untied and I immediately thought how strange it was to notice all of these ridiculous details of this moment. I would look back and think about what Lissa's shoelace looked like and that I had a chicken salad for lunch… it had almonds… I hate almonds … I suddenly felt like throwing up again.

"No, I'll do it" I assured.

I walked over to the nightstand where the little stick sat. I picked it up lightly and looked back at Lissa.

"Well?" she asked.

I took a deep breath, exhaled loudly and looked down.

"I would tell you what it says, except I don't know what these stupid symbols are indicative of…" I was somewhat panicked. The answer to my burning question was right in front of me but I couldn't interpret it. I felt like a small child who couldn't read.

Lissa walked over to the trash and took the faded box out. "Well, if there is a squiggly with a circle around it, you are pregnant. But, if there is a squiggly with an 'x' on top of it, you are not…Gosh that's somewhat offensive isn't it? Yes to sperm or no to sperm. Why don't they just put …. Rose, what is it? Is it bad?"

I was blank staring down at the test in between my fingers.

"Rose"

"I really wanted it to be squiggly with an 'x'. I thought if I wanted it bad enough that it would be okay…"

Lissa walked next to me and peered over my shoulder and the little stick. She nodded affirming what I had hoped I had made a mistake on. I was pregnant.

_Me? Pregnant?_ Panic washed over me and I looked to Lissa.

"I was wrong, this changes **everything**. Thinking that no one will notice is just a freaking joke! I'm going to get bigger and bigger and I'm going to be doing all of those things pregnant women do…like … my boobs will get bigger and I'll need to hold my back ….and walk slow and… AH!"

Lissa had a sullen look on her face, but she didn't show any tears tonight.

"Rose, you should probably tell Olendzki … she will be able to get you the help you need… for the pregnancy … and I think you should talk to her about getting help for what happened…"

"Are you crazy? I can't tell anyone! I almost didn't tell you! They are going to make me stop training and then I will have to go see one of those counselors! I will not do it!"

"Rose, you can't just pretend like nothing is happening, eventually you won't be able to hide it and if you don't go to a doctor about this, you might not be doing everything you can to keep the baby healthy… you don't know-"

"You're right, I don't know and right now I don't care" I walked toward the door.

"Rose, where are you going?! You can't just ignore this!" Lissa was yelling. I stopped and turned toward her.

"I need to get out and you have to promise me that you will not tell anyone! Not even Christian! No one gets to know about this!" I turned and slammed the door behind me.

I ran out the front door and down the stairs and sat at the bottom. The early morning air was clear and soothing as I took in deep breaths. The sun would be up in less than an hour, I could tell.

I didn't know what to do I was so confused. I knew Lissa meant well and telling Olendzki was probably the smart thing to do. Plus, she wasn't allowed technically to tell anyone my personal information, but somehow I knew it would get back to Kirova or someone and they would make me leave. They would probably think I was lying and send me to live in a blood whore commune.

I ripped the rubber band off my wrist and threw my hair hastily into a messy-bun. The light behind me was projecting my shadow onto the ground. I looked like a strange blob with hair sticking out over my head. Pretty soon that blob would start getting bigger and bigger, eventually I wouldn't be able to run or train. I wouldn't be able to do anything! They would make me sit out for the rest of the year and they definitely wouldn't let me be a guardian anytime soon.

I rubbed my face anxiously with both hands. I wanted to just rub my skin off or something. Just get rid of this feeling… but I couldn't shake it.

"Little dhampir, I didn't think when I said I would see you soon that it would be this soon." Adrian rounded the corner with a lit cigarette in his mouth. I guess I should have smelled him coming, but my brain was in a haze of its own.

"Not really in the mood Adrian," I scowled. My face was hot and I knew I looked annoyed.

"But you look like you did when we met. Red, sweaty, messy … and you smell amazing," Adrian smelled the air dramatically. "It suits you".

"Great, yeah I get it. When I look and feel like shit you can actually identify with someone who appears to be from your own planet; trust me, this isn't the case. You just have a knack for running into me at the wrong time." I said venomously. I wanted to shout at him, but I held back. I knew I wasn't angry at him… not at the moment anyway.

"I see this as the right place and right time, actually. I wanted to talk to you earlier but my dear cousin seemed eager to thwart my conversation," He nodded to the step next to me and I reluctantly scooted over.

He threw his cigarette to the ground and smashed it under the heal of his shoe.

"You didn't have to put that out for me…" I said tying knots in a straw wrapper I found in my pocket.

"I know how much you hate it, you always wrinkle your nose when you come near me and I'm smoking…" Adrian hung his head slightly looking at the ground below the step.

There was a small silence between us. I noticed the smell of cigarette cloves wafting off his coat. It was oddly comforting.

Lightly Adrian started to speak, "Rose I know you know how I feel about you, and I know you don't feel the same. I knew that the first time I saw you look at a certain guardian we both know," he winked at me.

"I just want you to know that I care about you … a lot" he finished.

_This was not what I needed right now … but okay …_

"It's good to know you care," I affirmed awkwardly. What does someone say to this? _Ah!_

Adrian laughed, "Yeah, okay. You don't have to patronize me little dhampir, I'm not telling you that I want to marry you or anything. I am just telling you that even though you don't like me, like that, I care and I just want to make sure you are doing okay… that's all … no strings attached."

I was somewhat shocked that Adrian didn't seem to have an ulterior motive. He looked into my eyes sincerely. "I'm not going to lie Rose, I've been trying to find you in your dreams." There it was, the agenda.

"Well, I haven't really been sleeping that much. I have too many things to do and it feels like I am wasting the time I have."

Adrian nodded knowingly.

"Sleep to dream, little dhampir … sometimes it is the only thing that gets me through to the next day", he sighed and yawned slightly. He reached into his jacket pocket and brought out the flask that he carried around with him; he took a huge sip and tried to hand the flask over to me.

"No, I'm good," I put my hand up in protest.

"Fine, fine, suit yourself. I find that it helps me sleep." Adrian took another swig and shoved it back into his pocket.

"Well little dhampir, time for me to roll out. I can only assume that guardian's patrol your neck of the woods just as much as they do ours. Oh, and it looks like dear cousin will need an escort anyway," Adrian prompted as Lissa descended the steps.

"Liss-" I stared.

"I'll see you tomorrow Rose, we can talk more then, okay?" Lissa said. She was quieter than earlier, but I could tell she was putting up a front for Adrian. He looked between us and eyed me suspiciously but then turned to give Lissa his arm.

"After you, Princess" he said jovially. He turned back and looked at me again, he studied my expression and then turned back.

…..

I rolled over in bed trying to calm my mind. I tossed and turned a few more times before finally settling down to sleep. The last thought to cross my mind before drifting off was that eventually I would have to look into the face of this child; one who was born of anger and of pain. The worst part of all, was that I realized there was a strong possibility that the child would be born with a face resembling the strigoi who raped me.

[**besos**** to my beta reader chattgirl4 ;]**** ]**

[ **I had the most hits ever for the last chapter (10) !!! ]**


	12. Chapter 12: Secrets

"I had a feeling that I would see you tonight little dhampir… it felt like there was something unfinished about our conversation… like maybe you were just about to tell me how you are secretly in love with me … or maybe that you were over that Belikov business… it_ is_ illegal you know…"Adrian strode out of the clear ocean water as it lapped up the sand behind him. The sea breeze was teased his hair and he squinted in the bright sunlight. He wore nothing but drenched cargo pants that barely hung above his waist, just enough for me to see his lower ab muscles protruding.

He halted just behind my shoulder; he was looking back toward the ocean.

I took my sunglasses off and looked up at him. "This is my dream, if you're going to show your body off to me could you at least get out of my sun?" I gauged flirtatiously and waggled my eyebrows at him.

"Ah, this… this is the Rose that I love. Where have you been? I just talked to you and you were in a different world, trillions of light years away from me. I bet you don't even remember what we talked about …"He smiled knowingly.

"Like it matters… it was probably more of the same," I put my sunglasses back on and leaned back on my towel.

"And that would be?"

"You're in love with me … things of that nature," I sighed arrogantly and swished my hand up at him dismissively.

"Hah… I see, well you do look stunning in your bathing suit… the way it shows off just enough skin, but not too much. Lets my imagination roam where it will…" He sat down next to me. "Well, what if I told you that is not actually why I am here? What if I told you that I actually just came to talk?" He turned his head toward me.

I sat up on my elbows, "This I have got to hear … go ahead, spill it".

"I'm going to warn you first," he started scratching at the dark stubble on his face. It was a good look for him. It almost took away that douche-bag style he had been flaunting around since I met him. He almost looked sexy. _Almost._

I checked back into reality, "Why do I need a warning? What is this, an intervention? Are my friends and family going to come out of the trees and tell me that I have a drinking problem that I won't admit to? If so, they've got the wrong person," I nodded my head at him.

Adrian let out a bellowing laugh. "Oh dhampir, you have no idea how good it is to hear you … I mean the real you. This is why I liked you in the first place," he stopped reflectively. He may have been saying more of what he was really feeling and he didn't like it. He played with the sand between his fingers, letting it blow into the wind.

"Well, get on with it then. I don't usually sleep long enough for dreams, so I doubt this one will last… what's up?" I started. I sat up from my towel and threw a small cover-up over my bathing suit. Why should he get a free show?

"Okay, don't hate me. I just think I've figured out why you have been so distant lately…" He appraised my face and when I didn't say anything he continued. "Something happened in Spokane that you don't want to talk about and it is something that you haven't completely gotten over yet… and before you say anything, Lissa wouldn't tell me anything when I walked her back to her room so don't blame her; she is harder to break than I thought".

I just stared at him. Either he was on to something or he was being a little crazy. Both were totally possible. I decided to head him off before he could think too much more about it.

"Well, I can tell you that you're wrong on both accounts Adrian … nothing going on … I'm just trying to get my life back the way it was, so I have been busy … and it is taking longer than I anticipated." I realized just then that it would take even longer than that. I bit at the inside of my cheek.

"Then how did you get pregnant, Rose?"

I jerked my head over and looked at him. I lowered my sunglasses from my face and stared at him directly in the eyes.

"What did you say?" I squeezed.

Adrian turned and faced the ocean again.

"I'm going to let you in on a little secret little dhampir. I haven't hidden the fact that I am attracted to you, but I have been keeping tabs on you since you were up and around again," He eyed me but continued.

"I knew you were training early and I knew that Ashford had told Belikov about your training, but I thought it was strange that Ashford didn't mention that you had been throwing up. You were literally sick every morning and sometimes it seemed to come from nowhere… Ashford wasn't there every day so he could have just dismissed it as random, but it was enough to make me suspicious… I heard through the masses on campus that you had passed out randomly … and then tonight." He looked me dead in the eye,"Tonight is what actually confirmed it in my head. You were distraught and you definitely looked like you needed a drink. You turned me down immediately… plus you're showing already. . .Look…"

I looked down to where his eyes glanced. A small bulge had risen in my abdomen just under my belly button. _NO. _

"What the hell is this!?" I prodded my stomach hoping it would just be soft. I was wrong.

"I don't know … this is your dream…" he continued.

Underneath my hand I felt something move below the surface of my stomach. It was growing and it was moving.

"I just found out ! There is no way this is possible!" I shouted.

Adrian looked at me apologetically as I continued to evaluate my stomach.

"No! This isn't fair! This isn't a dream; this is a nightmare! Get me out of here!"

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

I sat up quickly and jumped out of my bed. I fumbled with my shirt and tore it over my head leaving me in my sweats and sports bra. I pinched and prodded the skin at my abdomen.

Nothing. The skin was taut and flat.

I exhaled and sank down onto the floor. This was the first time Adrian had been in a dream that quickly turned into a nightmare … and he knew. He knew I was pregnant probably before I had even thought of it.

I smacked my head with my palm and closed my eyes. _How could I have been so stupid?!_

I looked up at the clock and realized that I had little time to actually get ready and get to practice early, so I quickly changed and practically ran there. Practice went on the same as usual with Dimitri and for the first time in a few weeks I actually didn't feel nauseas after running.

The rest of the day went on as usual and I was happy to get to combat training. I was somewhat afraid to run into Adrian and I was glad he wasn't lurking around, at least where I could see him. After changing I walked into the gym where most of the class was already seated in the folding chairs that had been set up to face the front of the room. I completely forgot we were going to have a guest speaker during training today so I took a seat toward the back. I didn't want to bring any attention to myself and I wasn't completely sure who the speaker was.

Slowly Guardian Alto, or as we called him behind his back 'Stan', sauntered in the room followed by a few of the other guardians and someone whom I had never seen before. The man was as big as the rest of the guardians but he seemed to have an arrogant way about the way he addressed Stan and, subsequently, the way that Stan responded to him. Voices jittered around me; it seemed like I might have been the only one who knew nothing about this guy.

Alto walked up in front of the class and cleared his throat.

"Senior Dhampir's I'd like to introduce to you our speaker. He comes to us from Siberia, much like our own Guardian Belikov." Alto gestured to the back of the room where Dimitri stood tall against the wall. Dimitri nodded to Stan and the rest of the room turned back around. My eyes lingered on Dimitri's face for a moment longer and I caught his eyes quickly before he looked back toward the front of the room.

Stan started again as if Jesus himself came to talk to us, "Please, please… It is my great.. great honor to welcome Guardian Patya Kozlov!" He actually covered his heart with both hands and bowed out of the way. _What a drama queen._

I actually had heard of Guardian Kozlov. He was supposed to be this great warrior from Russia. He has gone on record to say that he was the reason why they started making the special Molnija mark for those who had killed countless strigoi in one battle. He sounded great on paper, and he definitely looked like a Siberian killing machine. He stood with aged features and a long blondish gray ponytail protruding from the back of his neck. He looked like an older version of Fabio.

"Please! Please! No such introduction is necessary," he began while slightly bowing his head toward the class. Stan stood in the corner watching Kozlov adoringly. _Gag._

"As you may already know, I have come to St. Vladimir's to challenge you all in both body and mind. Based upon what I see in class today, the guardians and I will accompany one student on a mock-training exercise, as per my choice. It will serve as an exercise for both guardians and student. I will use this class today to assess your skills, teach you a few of my own _secret_ moves and to determine which of you would be most worthy of such an experience. This is a high honor for the student chosen, so I expect you to put your best foot forward…"

This guy talked like he was right out of the early 1900's. Was Siberia trapped in some sort of time warp? I was beginning to appreciate Dimitri's 80's infatuation, as it was not nearly as annoying as Guardian Kozlov in his totality.

"First off, I would like to have you all pair off and begin your warm-ups and sparring. So, why don't we get to it?" Kozlov clapped his hands quickly in a very 'chop chop' way. _What a freaking douche_.

I rolled my eyes and stood up; as I eyed the rest of the class Eddie was closest to me and he shrugged in my direction. It was funny how both of us could know so little about each other, yet understand gestures as if we had been best friends for years. He was probably the only guy friend I had who hadn't tried to ask me out, and for that I was eternally greatful.

Eddie landed a few good blows on me, but I knew his moves and anticipated them with counter attacks that sent him flying. It was exhilarating to move around knowing that we were being watched by a lot of guardians. I was hoping Dimitri would be proud.

"Ah and who is this young lady?" I heard from somewhere behind me in a low voice.

"This is Miss Hathaway, Janine Hathaway's daughter," I heard Stan mutter. Stan hated to admit that I was a good student in his class. Why he felt it necessary to tell people I was _Janine Hathaway_'s daughter was beyond me.

"Excuse me, Miss Hathaway can you answer a question for me?" Eddie and I stopped sparring to look over at Guardian Kozlov. He had a clipboard in his hand.

"Sure," I answered walking closer to him.

"If this young man here were instead a strigoi, how would you approach him if you were unarmed?" He picked his pen out of his pocket and eagerly looked at me awaiting my response.

"Well, I would most likely assess the area for tools I could use as weapons and if I couldn't find anything I guess I would just fight him until I thought of a better plan," I answered honestly. It is what I had done in Spokane, and those strigoi looked pretty fucking dead to me.

"Miss Hathaway, do you really think your 'wait and see' plan would work in a real strigoi fight? Do you think a strigoi would be that easy to take care of?! Honestly…" Kozlov shook his head back and forth and jotted something down on the paper on his clipboard. .

His arrogance made me grind my teeth. What the hell was this guys problem?! I knew I should have just held back, but I knew I would hate myself later for just taking his bias and criticism.

"No! But I do think that I would do whatever I could to stay alive! I don't think it matters what the rules say; when you are up against strigoi you do whatever you can!" I started suddenly.

"Excuse me? Miss Hathaway you are out of line!" Stan shouted.

I was still staring Kozlov in the face; his eyes were suddenly fiery. "For someone who has clearly never done any real-world fighting, do you honestly think 'whatever I could' would get you very far?! I am a very good judge of character and as I told Guardian Alto, I can spot the weak students early on…" Kozlov pushed again shaking his head at Stan.

Stan did not immediately agree with Guardian Kozlov, but he didn't argue either.

"Clearly," I said walking closer to them. "Clearly I have no experience whatsoever! I don't even know what I am doing here! I should just bow down to you and give up!" I walked right passed Kozlov and Stan, and threw up a peace sign as walked out the door of the combat room.

I was enraged. This guy had no idea what he was even saying! Just outside the door I leaned against the wall and slumped down to sit on the floor. I brought my knees up and hugged them into my body. _I really didn't need this…_

"Are you okay?" Dimitri had silently come into the hallway and stood next to me. I looked over at him angrily and nodded.

"I'm fine. I'll go back in there when that asshole Kozlov decides to come down off of his high horse. Oh, and someone will have to remind him to get Stan's head removed from his ass… that can't be comfortable… especially with the horse…" I drifted off. It wasn't really making any sense. I shook my head at myself.

Dimitri smiled crookedly.

"He had no right to say what he did, but you can't let someone like him bring you down. You just have to take what he said, learn from it and remember the next time you face conversations like those." Despite the fact that I hated Dimitri's Zen-lessons, he was right.

I looked up at Dimitri and for the first time in a long time, I felt like he was being himself. He was strong but he seemed to really care.

"Yeah, well you know if I hadn't said something I would have just been more furious." I was making an excuse, but it made me feel better.

"And you would have just taken it out on one of the training dummies in the gym. You know that one almost looks like it was fed to sharks." Dimitri mused. He was trying to make me feel better… it was kinda working. The one I imagined with red hair _had_ been taking a beating lately.

"Yeah well, I can't say for sure that I won't destroy any of those dummies Comrade."

Dimitri smiled slightly again and put his hand out to help me up. I hesitated, but eventually took it. His hand was warm and strong. I tried to memorize the feeling of his hand encompassing mine. I loved the way he felt … or I just loved everything about him. This wasn't making it easier to try and get over him, but at the moment I didn't really care.

I walked back into the gym and Dimitri followed. I looked around the room to find Kozlov, which only took a second. His booming voice echoed from my left side. Mason and Sean were sparring in the corner of the room and they were being assessed in the same way that I had been. _I have to hear this_.

"Mr. Ashford, it seems that you make very intuitive movements with your opponent. Guardian Alto has trained you well!" He said marking on his paper. Stan's smile looked like the Cheshire Cat, it was almost creepy.

I saw a glint of a smile on Mason's face, but he remained focused. He took Sean down every single time; however, only a few of us knew that Sean was the worst in our year when it came to combat because he was so easy to read.

"Mr. Ashford, you should try feigning more to your left at the approach, like this," Kozlov set his clipboard down and moved around the mat in a very precise and calculated manner. He wasn't all talk, this was something Dimitri had taught me toward the beginning of our training and had come in handy in class.

"I told you that move was legit Ashford…" I said it meaning to lighten the mood.

Kozlov turned and looked me in the eye, "Oh, so you're back. The one with the grand plan of attack! Maybe if you are so wise, you and Mr. Ashford should demonstrate together!"

This was not exactly what I had in mind. Mason and I hadn't really sparred together since before Spokane, and our last few conversations hadn't been that great.

I looked over at Mason who had thrown his arm behind his head to stretch. I nodded at him. I wanted it to be his call. If he wasn't comfortable with fighting with me I wouldn't do it.

Mason shrugged minutely at me.

"Yeah, okay… why not." I said walking onto the mat. By now most of the class had heard this conversation and had congregated in a wide circle. Sean looked a little defeated but he cleared himself to the perimeter with everyone else.

I went over to shake Mason's hand; it was only sportsman-like.

"May the best dhampir win Ashford" I said slyly.

"Oh, don't worry, I will," Mason retorted playfully.

We both lowered into our defensive stances close to each other waiting for the green light.

"Hathaway, you know I'm not going to let you win just to prove your point to Kozlov…" Mason said in a whisper. There were so many voices around us that I didn't expect anyone could hear it anyway.

"Mase- I would expect nothing less from you," I winked.

[**besos to my beta reader chattgirl4 ;] ]**


	13. Chapter 13: On Top

"SPAR!" Kovlov sounded.

Mason made the first move, but I blocked it with my shoulder. I fired back quickly with an uppercut to his jaw which I landed perfectly.

"Ohhhhhhh!!!!" The crowd jeered. I could tell they were rooting for Mason. He was, after all, the prodigal son in this class. And he might have been a little nicer …

"C'mon Ashford, are you going to let some girl beat you up!" I heard Eddie erupt from somewhere among the group.

Mason immediately landed a hit on my left side and many of the students cheered.

"I am NOT. JUST. SOME. GIRL!" I said ducking a weaving between Mason's arms and I managed to kick him in such a way that he lost his balance for a moment. That was all that I needed. I quickly took advantage of his loss of footing and I slammed him into the mat, jumping on top of him. He struggled beneath me and I realized just how strong he really was. I was having a hard time keeping him down, but I knew he would get tired soon. I just needed a free hand to pretend to stake him.

"Yeah I thought I heard from Zeklos that Hathaway liked it on top!" A voice I didn't recognize shouted.

As soon as I heard this Mason took advantage and elbowed me sharply in the side of the head, knocking me over. It was a cheap move, but in this case it was what had to be done. I knew that if I was in his position I would have done the same thing.

Mason quickly jumped on top of me, pinned my arms down and pretended to stake me in the chest. I lowered my shoulders and closed my eyes in defeat.

"Well done Mr. Ashford! Seems as though you have proven exactly my point to Miss. Hathaway and you even used the moves I taught you! Amazing! Bravo!" Kozlov shouted through applause from the guardians and students. He looked around like a proud father.

Mason was still on top of me pinning me to the mat.

"You okay?" Mason asked as he slowly released my arms.

I nodded and opened my eyes. My pride was more hurt than I was physically in pain.

Mason smiled and shook his head. "I thought you had me there… I'm pretty sure if that guy hadn't said anything …" He was trying to make me feel better.

"No Mase, the best dhampir won," I conceded with a crooked smile. I shouldn't have lost focus, I didn't deserve to win this one.

Mason chuckled and rolled off me. We both stood up, me a little more slowly. The side of my face was pounding. It would probably need some ice …

"Yes, Miss Hathaway the best dhampir has won!" Kozlov shouted. "It seems quite clear to me who should be chosen for the field exercise!" The students and guardians clapped. Mason's face turned a bright red, but he jokingly took a small bow imitating Kozlov from earlier.

I stifled a laugh.

"Something I did not foresee coming to St. Vladimir's was that there would be such a selection of fine students. It is good to see that its' students have such a promising future and that its' moroi will be so greatly protected!" Kozlov smiled brightly and nodded. This guy was such a freaking cheese.

"Furthermore, because of this I would like to make an amendment to my previous announcement. Because Miss Hathaway feels that she knows more about strigoi than everyone else, I would like to invite her along with Mr. Ashford for the mock-exercise!" Kozlov eyed me suspiciously. "I am sure her technique will prove what I have known from the very beginning." He knew that I understood him completely. He had said he could spot weak students, but it was only in offering me the field exercise that he thought I would prove this to the other guardians. One important thing he would learn was that he was dead wrong about me; dead fucking wrong.

Most of the students had wandered off after this. Nothing exciting left to see and class was basically over. What Kozlov had said to me was still nagging at me though. I had to say something. I walked over to him while he was talking to a few of the guardians and Stan.

"Well, Guardian Kozlov, _sir_, I can only attribute my great knowledge and success to you! I sleep with your book under my pillow every night! Everything I know can be attributed to your greatness!!" I interrupted loudly, making others chuckle as they walked by.

"Isn't she just a feisty little _woman_!" Kozlov prodded. The rest of the guardians looked slightly uncomfortable; Alberta looked like she was trying to hide her anger. He looked back at me and gave me a crazy grin.

"Thank you Miss Hathaway, I love to hear when students acknowledge the reason for their success." He smiled and then turned back to the guardians, clearly blocking me from the rest of the conversation. No matter, I said what I needed to say.

I showered and changed quickly. I had enough time to get to my next class but I did whatever I could to avoid running into Kozlov in the hallway. I was outside and only a few feet away from the building when I heard my name.

"Rose, wait!" Adrian called.

_Great…_

"Adrian you know this whole 'following me' thing ... that shit has to go. I don't want to have to wonder if you are lurking in the shadows and taking notes somewhere. It's just freaking creepy!" I said shallowly.

Adrian smiled but his eyes looked slightly sad.

"Rose, you shouldn't be working that hard in combat class and I definitely think you should opt out of the field exercise. Just think of the b-"

I jumped at him and covered his mouth with my hand. I backed him into a tree just behind him and glared into his eyes.

"If you say that word, I swear you will not live another minute!" I said in a low harsh voice.

"Now, I am not going to put my freaking life on hold because of this.. this… THING," I gestured slightly toward my stomach. I knew if Lissa had heard me she would have been furious. I suddenly didn't care.

I stopped and lowered my hand from Adrian's mouth.

"Oh little dhampir I love when you talk dirty to me"

I slugged him hard across the arm and turned to walk away.

"Rose, you know I care. I am just trying to be a good friend…plus I don't think you're supposed to be the one injuring moroi!!"

I didn't even turn around I just kept walking. The fact that Adrian and Lissa both knew about this was something I wish I could take back. Telling Lissa only made it harder on me and now Adrian would be following me around and giving me tips on how to be a better mother. This was not going to happen.

After my last class I went back to my dorm to change into my clothes for training. I unlocked the door and pushed the door open. Before I could take a step a small folded piece of yellow paper caught my eye on the floor in front of me. It looked like it had been shoved under my door because it was a few feet in.

I picked it up and shut the door behind me. My name was written on the front; it was taped shut and I ran my finger through the small seem to tear it open.

_You deserved the field exercise position regardless of Guardian Kovlov's reason. _

It was scrawled in perfect handwriting that I knew all too well. Dimitri had apparently watched me fight Mason, and lose. But he hadn't lost faith in me entirely. At the bottom of the note there was something small added.

_Patya, in Russian, means humble. ;]_

I laughed out loud.

"Of course it does!" I laughed again. It made me feel better to think that I wasn't the only one who thought this guy was complete tool.

On my way to training I spotted Mason walking toward me from the gym. He looked a lot happier than he had the last time we met out here, but as he came closer I realized there was a huge bruise forming on his jaw. I suddenly felt bad for punching him during class.

"Hey there #1, how's it goin?" I joked. Mason shook his head at this and sighed.

"Yeah, well that number is still subjective if you ask me… I mean, I totally could have paid of some guy to shout at you during our match to distract you," he eyed me with a sarcastic confidence.

"Hah! Yeah, but you didn't. You're not _that_ clever Ashford …" We both laughed. It was good to laugh with him. After I broke up with him I didn't really think we would ever be friends again; this was looking like a good start at least.

"Well, I'm sure you should get to practice, I think Belikov is going to start prepping you for the field exercise tomorrow."

"Tomorrow!? What the hell??" I scrunched my nose and my eyebrows creased.

"Do you think Kozlov wants to hang around here until you've deemed us ready? Do _you_ want him hanging around here?" Mason proded.

"… Yeah I get your point. Well, I better get to practice. I'll see you tomorrow I guess." Both Mason and I smiled and we walked our separate ways.

Dimitri was lying across the floor stretching when I walked in. He had his right leg over his body so that the knee was touching the ground; fortunately for me this meant that I had a perfect angle to stare at his flexing muscles from behind. _Why does he always have to look like a god ?_ Not that I was really complaining. It was just that I literally had to remind myself to shut my mouth to keep from drooling.

"Hey, so I hear the fun starts tomorrow! You all set?" I asked throwing my bag down and leaning on the wall beginning to stretch.

Dimitri sat up and leaned back on his elbows. _Dear sweet Jesus! Did he want me to jump him right there?_

"I would be, if I were going," he stated. "I am off duty tomorrow. Which means that I won't be there to referee you and Kozlov; you will have to just have to keep control…".

As soon as he said the word 'control' he stopped talking. This word had a much different meaning between the two of us. Earlier in the semester I had realized that Dimitri and I were not as different as he would lead me to believe. As hard as it was for me to ignore the way I felt about Dimitri, he was dealing with the same thing; however, he was just better at hiding it than I was. He was usually in control, but there were times when he had slipped up and I am sure that it scared him.

I wanted to say something witty to lighten the mood. "So what you are saying is, don't strangle him with my shoelace when he isn't looking. I'm reading ya loud and clear, Comrade." I said winking at him.

Dimitri let out a laugh; the one that I loved. I smiled and gave him a sidelong glance as I finished stretching. I tried to hide the coy smile on my face. Dimitri's laugh always made me feel good because I knew he rarely let anyone else see it.

After my run Dimitri showed me a few tactics for working alone as well as working with a partner. When I was walking toward the door I heard an odd sound and I turned around and eyed Dimitri as he put equipment back. He was humming to himself. I didn't recognize the song, but the fact that Dimitri was humming, was something I had never seen before. For the sake of the moment I slipped out of the gym door. I wondered what the name of the song was that he was humming, and a smile crossed my face. Dimitri was happy and that was all that mattered at that moment.

**[****besos to my beta reader chattgirl4; she is the reason these are coming out so fast!]**

**[ thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing! I love reading feedback! Besos to you too]**


	14. Chapter 14: Field Exercise

The night of the training exercise, I had felt somewhat nauseous but it subsided after I ate some toast. I blamed it mostly on nerves, but I knew that the pregnancy had a lot to do with it.

Adrian had come to my in my dreams and begged me not to go, but I told him that if he didn't stop bugging me, that I was going to kick him out of my dreams completely. He complied after a long debate.

I understood Adrian's concern. The life of a dhampir, especially one in training, is not conducive to a safe pregnancy. The fact that something could happen to the baby had definitely crossed my mind and Adrian had only made me a little more nervous about it. I thought about what it would be like trying to tell Olendzki that I needed an abortion, or that she needed to help me find someone to adopt the baby. I replayed it again and again in my mind, but I could not actually see myself doing it.

I only hoped that I would figure out something, and relatively soon.

*

Mason jumped into the van taking the middle row of seats. The guardians were riding in another van with Guardian Kozlov; they were most likely strategizing and being forced to listen to Kozlov's stories. I was happy, at least, that I wasn't with them.

"Rose" I heard from behind me.

I turned to see Dimitri and walked over to him. He was leaning against a large tree.

_God I just want to touch him, maybe just like on his bicep or something._

I shook the idea off. I doubt he would go for it.

"So, just remember the things we have been working on and you should do well." Dimitri shrugged. He looked slightly relaxed and I silently wondered what he had planned on his day off.

I nodded and exhaled slowly, "Yeah, it shouldn't be too bad. I've already experienced the real thing, I mean … what's a little training exercise? If I can avoid Mr. Humble over there I think I'll be okay. "

Dimitri eyed me, "Remember no strangling anyone with your shoelace".

"So what you are saying is that I just can't use my _own_ shoelace… Good plan." I nodded and smiled as I turned to walk back toward the van.

"Rose, be safe out there …" He said so quickly that I almost thought had not heard him right.

I stopped and turned back toward him, but quickly recovered, "Hah! Danger is my middle name, Comrade!" I snickered.

He smiled back and shook his head.

"Thanks," I smiled again and he nodded at me.

"Belikov! Are you on rounds tonight?" One of the guardians shouted from the first van.

He shook his head, "I have the night off, actually".

"We could use one more" the same guardian shouted again.

Dimitri hesitated for a second but immediately walked toward the first van and climbed in. I guess I had a little more time to stare at my Russian god today; I was pleased. I was especially pleased that whatever he had planned for his free time was not as important as coming with us. _So there Tasha!_ I smiled smugly to myself.

The van ride wasn't nearly as terrible as I had anticipated since I had the whole back row to myself. It was just Mason and me; however, Alberta was driving so we weren't completely alone.

"Hey Rose, how do you think they will do this? Like … maybe send us out one at a time, or maybe the same time trying to fend off more than one guardian at once?" Mason asked in a low voice.

"Ashford, you shouldn't think of them as guardians when you are out there. Just put it in your head that they are strigoi. This way, you won't hesitate if the guardian seems hurt." Alberta bellowed from the front seat. She was looking at the two of us in her rearview mirror. She probably was told not to talk to us, but Alberta had always seemed a little more sympathetic than the rest of the guardians.

"As long as it's Guardian Kozlov, I'll be fine. I don't have to pretend or anything," I said in a snarky voice. Mason and I laughed; I even thought I saw Alberta trying to hide her laugh in the rearview mirror.

After a few hours we pulled up to a giant building that looked like an industrial warehouse. I assumed we were using this for privacy purposes; it only made sense, since fighting out in the open would draw a lot of attention to us.

The first van pulled into the big warehouse doors, but ours stopped just outside. Alberta turned to us. "You two can just sit tight for a minute, I have to go discuss a few things with them and then we will come get you so we can start." We both just nodded casually to her. My nerves were suddenly piqued, yet I took a deep breath to control them.

Alberta hopped out, walked over and disappeared into the building the same way the van did.

So we waited.

"Good luck," I said breaking the nights' silence, maybe a little conversation would lighten me up. I was not usually this nervous and it was definitely making my nausea worse.

Mason slid over and opened the van door to let some air in. Then he turned to look at me. He smiled and it felt good to see his smile again, "Rose, I'm sure this will be cake… we've done it before. You'll be fine; stop worrying," he mused as he turned again to face the front.

"I am not worrying!" I said appalled. I took a deep breath of the cool air and exhaled quickly.

"Oh yeah? Tell that to the mini earthquakes we have been having since you got in the van," he turned and eyed my wiggling knee with a smirk. He laughed.

"Oh, Ha Ha – so go ahead and tell me you aren't nervo-" I felt a rush of pain in my abdomen and I grunted slightly grabbing my middle and trying not to cry.

Mason jerked back at me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Rose wha-"just then Mason looked passed me out the window and stopped. His eyes darted around.

His voice lowered, "Rose, I'm getting the feeling that they are not going to give us a warning when we start our exercise. I just saw someone run behind those bushes over there."

Mason appraised my face quickly.

"Are you okay?"

I grimaced but I just pushed the pain to the back of my mind. If I was going throw up because of morning sickness it would have to wait. "Yeah, I'm fine. Lets do this."

We climbed out of the van slowly and Mason motioned for me to follow him. He picked up his pace and moved out toward the bushes about twenty feet behind the van. The wind gusted up around me and I was immediately aware that I hadn't put my hair up yet; the rubber band still on my wrist. I knew I would get points taken off for this, but I had to keep my concentration. I peered in my peripheral on both sides making sure our backs were covered. I had taken the flank position many times before, I had this down. On top of that, the guardians probably thought they still held the element of surprise. Mason and I knew better; we had them.

The pain in my stomach seared again and I bent over to try and stifle it, but Mason didn't notice that I wasn't directly behind him any longer and he moved closer to the bushes.

Almost immediately I was grabbed from behind, my mouth was filled with fabric and a hand covered it so that I could only breathe through my nose; I was dragged backward to the opposite side of the van.

Suddenly, I realized that this pain wasn't from nausea, because it automatically became worse. Terror was surging through my veins.

A snakelike whisper coaxed itself into my ear, "ahhh dhampir I knew I recognized that smell… and your boyfriend is here too- how sweet." The male voice was somewhat familiar, but all I knew was that it was definitely strigoi. I pushed against him and tried to wiggle out of his hold, but he only tightened it.

I couldn't see Mason from behind the van, but I knew he had probably noticed I wasn't behind him any longer. I bent my head trying to see stick something out for him to notice.

"Ah, no dhampir you are going to wait. You have a front row seat to the big show. Right. Here. With. Me. " The strigoi voice came in a slimy tone and he punctuated each whispered word.

I heard struggling from the other side of the van. I could tell the noises Mason made when he was fighting; we had spent most of our lives in the combat room together. I was just happy to know that we had been given our stakes before we got into the vans this afternoon. Mason was armed.

The strigoi holding me moved closer to the corner of the van and I finally could see an outline of Mason. He was fighting a strigoi and had him on the ground underneath him. It was just like when he was beating up on Jesse, but this time Mason held nothing back. His fists pounded into the strigoi trying to buy him a second to reach for his stake. At one point Mason looked mechanized; his swings were hitting perfectly over and over again. Finally, Mason pulled his stake out of its sheath and dug straight into the heart of the strigoi. The monster lay motionless on the pavement.

Mason removed his steak and immediately looked around.

"Rose! ROSE!" Mason shouted. He didn't have time to see me before the strigoi holding me slunk back into the shadow behind the van.

"ahhhh so _Rose_ is it? Well, I think its time we had a talk with boyfriend over there."

The strigoi held me closely as he strode out from behind the van.

"Rose and I were just talking, weren't we darlin'? We decided that when you two killed Isaiah and Elena in Spokane, ya'll didn't learn enough from it." Mason wrenched around and looked up at me. The strigoi had me hovering over the ground pressed up against him. Mason's face suddenly glowed with anger.

"Put her down," Mason growled.

Immediately, the strigoi dropped me to the ground and I landed heavily on my hands and knees. The strigoi kicked me sharply in my side and I rolled over trying to get out of the way. I fumbled pulling the cloth out of my mouth, but the strigoi's foot came down harder into my stomach. He grabbed me and pulled me up next to him once again.

"This is fun, but I see it getting old fast. I think you just need to realize that ya'll will die dhampir. You _and_ your girlfriend here… though I might keep her around a little longer, for a little… fun" he squeezed me tighter. I could barely breathe and I was feeling lightheaded. I gasped for air.

I saw a swift movement come from the left, but Mason evaded quickly. The strigoi recovered but moved so fast that he landed a blow that sent Mason flying backward.

"Mase !" I shouted wrestling in the arms of my captor.

"Hahaha! This is more like it," he jeered.

Mason was strong and, man, he was fast; he leapt up off the ground and blocked a kick from the strigoi. The two looked pretty evenly matched.

The fight had distracted the strigoi holding me long enough for me to jab my foot backwards; I hit him square in the groin. We both dropped to the ground and I crawled out of his reach as the strigoi rolled around writhing in pain.

_Mason_

I looked over to see Mason still wrestling with the same strigoi. Mason had gotten a few good blows in, but I could tell that he had taken a few of his own. His knuckles were bleeding and there was a large cut over one of his eyebrows.

I ran over just as the strigoi threw Mason back behind the bushes. I jumped on the strigoi's back and knocked him to the ground. I didn't recognize this strigoi, but he fought similar to the others I had encountered.

I used my thighs to try to pin him to the ground but he was too strong to keep still. My stake wasn't close enough to grab and he threw me off of him. I landed hard on the concrete, but I immediately got up and threw myself back at the strigoi. This time I felt nothing but pure rage as I charged him and landed a blinding blow to the side of his head. He staggered back long enough for me to pull out my stake. I knocked his feet out from under him and in the same fluid motion, I staked him cleanly under his ribs. I don't know if I had actually stabbed just under his ribs or if I had just thrust so hard that it hadn't mattered. All I knew was that I had killed this strigoi and I had to get to Mason.

I got up off the strigoi and started toward the bushes when I was suddenly kicked from behind. I was knocked forward onto my knees again.

"Well there darlin', if I had known you wanted to play rough I would have just started with that!"

The strigoi I had gotten away from had gotten up to fight again. I had completely forgotten about him when I was trying to get back to Mason.

He grabbed me around the waist so that I was facing him; his hands were groping my legs and moved up to grab my ass.

"Maybe you and I should have a little more private time while your little boy friend continues his nap over there," the strigoi caressed. He was carrying me back over to the van.

I focused everything I could into the strigoi. My arms were flailing wildly and I was scratching at his face.

He threw me down on a bench inside the van and pinned my arms to my side. I saw my chance and moved to kick him again the groin, but this time he dodged my leg.

His dark eyes glared menacingly at me, "You fucking bitch I'm going to show you what happens when you don't show me any respect".

Still pinning my arms at my sides he held me down with the weight of his own body.

"mmm you feel that honey, that's right" he laughed.

I couldn't believe this was happening again. I pictured being back in Spokane when Isaiah had been on top of me in the same way. Panic was rushing over me, it was paralyzing me.

Suddenly, I remembered that I wasn't completely alone. Maybe I could wake up Mason; he could help me.

I screamed. I could barely breathe with the strigoi on top of me but I used what little air I could and I screamed as loud as I could.

He shoved his lips onto mine pushing my head further into the seat. I bit down hard onto his lip and I could taste the blood coming from it. He growled loudly in my ear and moved his lips to my neck. I closed my eyes quickly bracing myself. I could feel his teeth lingering on my neck, just priming to bite down.

"You," started a cool and deep voice, "take your hands off of her now!"

[**besos to my beta reader chattgirl4 ;] ]**

**[the next chapter will be out soon; lovin' the feedback!!! ]**


	15. Chapter 15: Field Exercise Part Deux

The strigoi froze and jerked toward the voice behind us. I couldn't see him, but I knew that Dimitri was standing just outside the van door, stake in hand. The strigoi froze staring directly into the face of the Russian warrior.

Slowly, the strigoi got off of me and pulled me in front of him, as if shielding himself from Dimitri; he kept his arm tightly around me. His hand produced a long knife from his pocket to which he used to glide lightly across my throat. The moon bounced off of the blade blinding me and I looked up at Dimitri when the strigoi spoke again.

"What, what was that? I don't think I heard you correctly. You do know that I could quite easily finish her off now… even though I would much rather you leave so I can finish her by myself. " The strigoi said mockingly.

Dimitri's eyes did not falter. He stared deep into the strigoi's face and repeated himself.

"_Let her go, now_," this time his voice was much harder and his Russian accent was coming through.

The strigoi slid us out of the van and glared back at Dimitri. I heard a small growl in the strigoi's chest as he assessed Dimitri's stance. He almost seemed like he felt threatened by Dimitri's presence alone.

He hurled me behind the van and started toward Dimitri. I fell flat on my back, knocking the wind out of me and sending my head into a spin. I don't think the strigoi meant to kill me, because he could have very easily thrown me harder.

The dance began as Dimitri lowered his stance. He wasn't wearing his duster, which only showed off the lean muscles in his arms under his long sleeve t-shirt. They rippled as he moved around. When Dimitri fought, his face hardened and his eyes looked like they could kill on their own.

The strigoi fought quickly, but I could tell that he was not as swift and strong as Dimitri.

"Rose !" I turned onto my stomach to see Mason crawling toward me from the bushes. He looked pretty beat up and he was gasping for air.

"Mase, stay there!" I grimaced.

He stopped moving, but then tilted his head toward the ground and coughed, sending spurts of blood out of his mouth onto the dark concrete. When he looked down at the ground a dark figure gripped him from behind and it was then that I realized that Mason's stake was on the ground several feet away. I jumped up and ran for the stake but before I could reach it, I was immediately jerked back. The strigoi fighting Dimitri had knocked him to the ground and in that moment had enough time to reach me and grab a fistful of my hair to yank me backwards. In blind fury I elbowed him behind me and he quickly released his hold. It was all that I needed to jump on top of him and pin him to the ground.

"Rose!" Dimitri shouted as he came barreling toward me. I saw the stake in his hand and I used everything I had to keep the strigoi down.

Dimitri got to me quickly and shoved the silver stake into the strigoi's heart.

I stared down at the strigoi who had initially attacked me. I couldn't shake the feeling of him lying on top of me, it reminded me of Isaiah. I blinked trying to forget it. My chest was throbbing and the blinding pain in my stomach was still there. I rolled off the strigoi back onto the ground.

"Son of a bitch!" I moaned holding my side. As soon as I moved the sharp pain worsened.

I put my weight on my foot trying to stand but the dizziness worsened and I fell back to my knees.

"Rose!"

Very slowly, I looked up from the ground toward Mason.

"Are you okay?!" he shouted.

He turned to look at me and in that split second, time became dense; everything was moving in slow motion. The strigoi grabbed Mason from behind again and yanked him by the head; it turned all the way around making a loud and sickening crunch. His body crumpled to the floor and he lay still on the concrete; blood trickled out of his half open mouth.

"No!!!" A loud scream shot from me. Everything was back in regular time. I jumped to my feet, pulled the silver stake from the strigoi next to me, and charged the final strigoi.

Another set of hands grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to the ground.

_Not again!_ I kicked wildly.

"No! Fucking let me go! LET ME GO!" I shouted. I pushed hard against the body holding me down. I felt like I was crawling in my own skin trying to get out.

"Rose, stop, STOP!" Dimitri hushed; is lips were up against my ear and his arms were holding me against his body.

"They've got it."

"No, I have to kill him!"

" PLEASE!!!!!" My voice was hoarse, but I was still screaming.

"The other guardians are taking care of it. Stop!" Through my blind rage I failed to see Alberta and Alto cornering the strigoi. They quickly took him to the ground and staked him. It all seemed too quick and easy with the two of them. Why was it so easy for them?

"Rose, _Stop_!"

I finally understood him and I stopped kicking. I felt my body surrender and start to shake; I let my stake drop to the ground next to me. Cautiously, Dimitri let go of me but remained sitting on his knees behind me. I pushed myself heavily off the ground, ran to Mason's body, and skidded back to the ground on my knees.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think; I just stared at him.

His face looked so afraid. I had never seen him look like that ever. Even when we were in Spokane he had always looked brave, even if it was just for me. I brushed a few strands of red hair out of his face. He didn't deserve this! He couldn't be gone. He was stronger! He was supposed to be the hero! _Why couldn't they have killed me instead?_ It wasn't a question, it wasn't a plea; it was almost a demand.

I sat in silence for a long time. The rest of the guardians had come out of the warehouse in their van and spread out taking in the scene. Had they known that this was all happening when they were inside it could have been stopped. Mason wouldn't be dead. A hand on my shoulder snapped me back into reality.

"Rose, we have to get him out of here before someone notices the body." Alberta's voice was sudden and sharp in my ear. I nodded my head robotically. He was gone and it was my fault. Dimitri told me so many times to wear my hair up when training and in combat. The one time that it really seemed to matter; I failed. Alberta helped me to my feet.

I took a few steps toward the van and looked up directly into the eyes of Patya Kozlov. He shook his head in disbelief.

"Such a strong warrior, what a waste… if only …" Kozlov started.

I took four giant steps toward him, it was like I flew.

"If only what?! If only it were me!?! You fucking son of a bitch! This is your fault, entirely! If you hadn't picked him he would still be alive!"

"Rose!" Alberta jumped in between Kozlov and me. She was trying to protect me, not him. She knew I would get expelled for attacking a guardian.

"Rose! Stop ! You know this isn't his fault!" Alberta said in a somewhat desperate voice.

I couldn't cut my glare from Kozlov's face. At first he just looked upset about Mason, but it started to seem that he would have rather I had been the one who had died.

"I bet you wouldn't be so upset if it were the other way around! I would not put it passed you to tell the strigoi that we were here… to get rid of me you fucking prick!" I lunged at him again, this time Alberta's hands held me steady; her face covered in shock.

"Miss Hathaway, you are out of line, get in the van, now!" She reprimanded.

When I didn't move Alberta put her hands on both of my shoulders tightly and steered me toward the van. I kept my eyes on Kozlov. He hadn't said a word to me. He let Alberta just take me away. Alberta opened the vans sliding door and I took a last glance at Kozlov. I could have sworn that I saw a small glint of something flash in his eyes just before he turned to walk to the other guardians, a smile even.

I climbed into the van and slid onto the far side of the back bench. Something soft was tucked into the seat; it was Mason's sweatshirt that he had leant me on the way up. I leaned against the window clutching the sweatshirt against my chest. The darkness outside was engulfing my world and the cars flickered by silently. I was angry, I was searing with hate. I was ready to just kick the shit out of something. But at the same time I wasn't anything. I wasn't sad, I wasn't tired and I did not feel any pain.

Alberta received the signal to start the van, but the door unexpectedly slid open. Dimitri climbed in and closed the sliding door behind him; he took the bench in front of me. Alberta sat in the front seat and promptly started the engine. The roar was just loud enough that I couldn't hear whatever she and Dimitri were talking about. The ride back to campus was going to be a lot longer than the ride here. I could already tell.

Dimitri leaned over his shoulder to look at me a few times. I didn't change my gaze out the window. The long and restless road was all I could think of to keep my mind elsewhere; I focused on the tiny drops of rain that had started to skate down the windows. Halfway home we pulled off of the highway at a gas station to fill up.

"Rose, do you need anything?" Alberta asked before walking over to the mini mart, "I'll probably get some coffee and some food…"

I shook my head minutely.

"Rose we aren't going to stop again before getting back to campus, are you sure?" Dimitri looked back at me.

Keeping my eyes out the window I answered softly, "Nothing for me".

Dimitri faced the front once again as Alberta shut the door. The vans silence was unwelcoming. Flashes of memories surged through me: Mason and I talking in the van earlier… then watching Mason fighting the strigoi… the strigoi on top of me…Mason bleeding… he only faltered when he thought I was hurt.

I realized then that my face was wet but I couldn't stop the tears from coming. I stared blankly out the window with tears rushing down my face.

_He can't be gone. He didn't deserve this!_

I heard Dimitri turn to look at me and a few seconds later he climbed into the back bench with me. Without a word he put his arm around me and pressed me against him. I could not control the tears anymore and my chin started to quiver. Dimitri must have seen this because he pulled my head into his chest and wrapped both arms around me tightly; one of his hands was in my hair. I finally let out a sob.

I covered my face with one hand, but it did nothing to help the tears. I shook violently. I was insanely angry but I was too much for words. Dimitri rubbed my back slowly as he whispered to me under his breath. I didn't understand what he was saying, but I knew that he was trying to soothe me. It seemed to be working as I started to calm down, enough to stop crying so hard.

I leaned out of Dimitri's embrace and looked back out the window, "It's not fair" I managed as I punched the seat in front of us.

"Rose it's not your fault," Dimitri still had his hand on my back. "Ashford made a mistake when he took his eyes off of his strigoi. You did nothing wrong," Dimitri finished, took his arm off of mine and moved away giving me a little more room. I knew Alberta was coming back; he did not have to say anything.

"It _is_ my fault …" I looked at him slowly with sad tear soaked eyes." He cared too much! I let him fall in love me…" I looked back out the window just as Alberta climbed in and set down the bags in the passenger seat.

"Is she okay?" Alberta said quietly from the front.

Dimitri did not say anything, but it seemed that some silent signal occurred between the two of them because Alberta did not prod with anymore questions.

Nothing was said the rest of the way back home. Eventually I leaned my head on the window and closed my eyes; the glass was icy but it did nothing for my numbness. I still was not tired, but I did not want to be awake anymore either. I felt Dimitri moving around next to me and suddenly I was wrapped in his duster; he tucked it around me tightly and stroked a few strands of hair out of my face. His coat was warm and it smelled exactly like him, but it was not as comforting as he most likely intended. The numbness I was feeling continued, but I was slowly able to fall asleep.


	16. Chapter 16: Spokane

It would have been soothing if five minutes later we hadn't stopped at the front gates of the academy. The sun was rising and contouring the heavy black gates as they swung open. I left earlier in the evening under the assumption that I would return with minor cuts and bruises, but I had no idea that Mason would not be here with me.

The van slowed and finally parked by the guardian dorms. It seemed like we took off from this spot so long ago… so long that it seemed almost foreign, despite basically growing up on campus. Before we left it was simpler; Dimitri had told me to be safe and Mason and I were just nervous about passing the stupid exercise.

I slid out of the van and onto the pink-blue hinted concrete. The sunrise usually looked warm and inviting, but now it would always remind me of him. I pulled his sweatshirt tighter into my chest.

"Rose, you don't appear to be injured, are you okay?" Alberta assessed.

I nodded to her and took a few steps away.

"Rose, you should probably go see Dr. Olendzki, even if you are feeling okay you could need medical attention," Dimitri prompted; his obviously poor attempt at eves dropping.

"I'm fine."

Alberta and Dimitri looked at each other skeptically, but Alberta sighed and turned back to me.

"Rose, you may go back to your dorm, but we will be checking on you. Plus, Headmistress Kirova will likely need to speak with you sometime later. I am sure there are things you would like to say," Alberta finished suggestively. I had no idea what she was talking about, but I nodded obscurely and turned slowly to walk across the campus to my room.

The quiet of the morning seemed almost surreal, like I was walking along in a dream; however, this would be just as much of a nightmare. A few steps away, Dimitri stepped in stride with me, but he didn't prod like I thought he would; however, I could feel him slightly eyeing me. I felt like a science project.

"Dimka! Rose!"

I turned slightly, just as Dimitri did to glance behind us. _Great_.

"I heard what happened! Thank goodness you are safe!" Tasha Ozera pushed up the path and caught up with us.

Tasha looked Dimitri up and down, assessing him. She placed her hand on his bicep and looked at him with a worried expression.

"When I heard that you had gone and that there was a strigoi attack I nearly lost my mind," she paused with a relieved smile.

She looked over to me and he smile faded.

"… Rose, are you okay?"

_Oh, so she remembered I was standing here too huh..._

"Yes, fine." I said trying to hide my annoyance. I had enough so I turned back toward the dorm rooms.

"I will find you later?" I heard Dimitri ask Tasha.

"Of course, Dimka," and then heard her place a small kiss on him. I had hoped it was just his cheek… or maybe she tried to kiss him and he moved out of the way to avoid it. Yep, that is definitely what happened. _God, I hated her._

I didn't know why Dimitri even bothered catching up to me. About a minute later I walked up the front steps to my dorm thinking that he would say his goodbye, but he continued with me just as quietly. I trudged up the stairs which seemed increasingly difficult and I ghosted down the hallway to my door. I stood and stared at it hoping it would just open on its own.

_Maybe after that my clothes would just hang themselves and my sweats and t-shirt would find me and carry me to bed_.

_Maybe then I would just sleep forever, only to wake up and have this be one big bad dream. _

It occurred to me then that this scenario was totally possible.

_What if I was still in a coma? What if this was a dream._

Dimitri cleared his throat and I was slightly irritated. I looked up at him through my swollen eyes and then realized that he was waiting for me. Then it clicked, he was probably just making sure that I got into my room before he left.

I groped around in my bag for my keys. I closed my eyes hoping that I would heighten my sense of touch to make it go by faster. I remember admitting in my head that this is what crazy people probably think about.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded with my eyes still closed. I found my keys.

"Thanks, I think I can manage from here," I said throwing a reluctant and pathetic smile at him. My voice was basically gone.

"I'm going to come back and check on you later, so, try to be up in a little while" he advised.

"Anything for you, _Dimka…_" I murmered icily under my breath.

Dimitri walked slowly back down the hallway, but I was pretty sure that he heard me because he paused at the top of the stairs to look back.

The truth was, I didn't want to be mean and I really wanted him to stay. I wanted to wrap up in his jacket again. No, I wanted to wrap up in his arms and I wanted to just forget everything. The way that he held me in the van was something he would have done before Spokane. Lately, he had been so oddly distant that it threw me. I was suddenly reminded of what it felt like to know that he actually loved me.

When I came back out of my head, Dimitri was already gone.

The first key slid in and unlocked the door. I was thankful that I didn't have to go through trial-and-error today. I pushed the door open and the light glided into my room from the window and reflected off a small hand mirror sitting on my desk. I was transfixed by the way the light shined in and bounced around my room. How could a day like this feel so serene and chaotic at the same time? I threw my bag on the floor, kicked off my shoes and landed in bed. I could wait to change my clothes. Immediately, I drifted off to sleep. I was thankful that this was just as dreamless as my sleep five minutes in the van. I don't think I could bear any more thoughts about Mason or an interlude with Adrian.

It was about four hours later when I woke up. With the sun now higher in the sky I closed my curtains; creating an artificial night. I lay back down in bed and closed my eyes. I was not going to sleep any longer, but I did not have any energy to go out of the dorm.

There was a knock at the door which somewhat startled me, but I remembered what Dimitri had said. I opened the door widely,

I rubbed at my eyes and cleared my throat. "I'm still aliv-"

"So Hathaway I heard you broke Ashford's heart and then let the strigoi have him… Guess it's better that I didn't want to be with a blood whore to begin with!"

I stared Jesse Zeklos dead in the face.

"Go _AWAY!"_ I growled.

Jesse leaned down so that we were eyelevel.

"I wouldn't be so bold around me Hathaway, Ashford won't be around to watch over you anymore … _watch your back_!" Jesse threatened.

I grabbed Jesse by the shoulders and thrust my knee into his groin. He bent in half and I literally shoved him into the hallway. I slammed the door.

I heard Jesse yell something from the other side of the door, but I didn't pay attention. I walked over to my bed and sunk back into it.

Jesse had been right. Mason had cared so much about me that he would have literally done anything to protect me; now he was gone.

I cried the hardest that I think I have cried in a long time. It was possible that I hadn't cried like that since Lissa's parents and her brother died.

I drifted in and out of consciousness for over an hour, having strange dreams; I woke up with a strange pain in my stomach. Surprisingly, I felt crampy like I had before the strigoi attacked, but it was somehow different.

I got up to wander toward the bathroom when I realized that my sheets and pants were soaked in blood.

_What the hell?_

I changed into a loose pair of track shorts and yanked the sheets off my bed; I ran to the bathroom to throw them all in the tub. My mind was racing. What did this all mean?

As I bent over to turn the water on, the pain in my abdomen sharpened. I tried to press my hand into it to stifle the pain but it did not get better. My head started to swirl and I froze, I had to let myself fall slowly to the ground and I rolled up in a tight ball. The pain seared through me and into my lower back. I was pushing my face into the floor trying not to cry aloud. I was covered head to toe in sweat and a chill ran down my spine. I literally could have thrown up from the pain alone.

A solid knock hit the door to my room and echoed through it and into the bathroom. I used my arm to try and prop myself up against the side of the tub but that was as far as I could get. I sank back down leaning the back of my neck against the tub. It felt cold against my burning skin, so I stayed awkwardly lying on the floor with my neck bent against the tub.

The knock repeated, "Rose?" _Dimitri._

"What!" The sound echoed through the room and buzzed in my ears. The nausea rolled over me again.

"Rose, can I come in?" Dimitri asked muffled through the door.

"Um…" I didn't want Dimitri to see all of this. Maybe if I had more time I could clean up and meet him somewhere else. I tried again to get up again but it was just as pointless as before.

A softer knock came from the bathroom door a few feet from my face… it was slightly open still.

_Why didn't I shut it all the way?!_

"Rose?"

I couldn't hold it in anymore. The tears came down and I couldn't hold back the sob that I had been holding back.

Hearing this, Dimitri pushed the rest of the door open and stepped into the bathroom. He immediately crouched down next to me. "I knew I should have made you go to the clinic; where are you hurt?" His hands patted me frantically.

I groaned pressing my face further into the floor. The pain was getting worse. "I think it's my stomach," I didn't tell him specifically where. I wasn't even sure I understood.

"Rose, what happened? You seemed okay on the way back…" His voice was calm, but I heard a hint of desperation. "Were you feeling this way earlier? After you hit your head?" I looked up out of the corner of my eye to look at him. His face was pale.

"I- I don't know … I just woke up," I sobbed still clutching my middle.

"I don't understand. Where did all of this blood come from?" Dimitri looked around assessing me as well as the contents of the tub.

I couldn't answer him. I wasn't even sure myself what had happened.

"I'm going to take you to the clinic, so I have to move you," Dimitri said looking in my eyes desperately.

I closed my eyes and nodded.

Immediately, Dimitri picked me up off the floor; I gripped at him tightly.

When he moved me the pain gnawed in my stomach. I moaned lowly and tightening my jaw; tears were pouring down my cheeks. My breathing was shallow in my chest as he carried me down the stairs and out the front door of the dorm.

Dimitri pressed his cheek against mine, putting my face under his neck.

"It's okay…" he said calmly. _How was he so calm?!_

"Rose you don't know how this happened?" He was trying to keep me awake, I knew his tactics well.

"I – I don't know I was there and Mase knew but- but he didn't say – he was just protecting me," I strung together everything I was thinking. I was trying to understand what was going on just as much as Dimitri was. But it was coming in all at once and scrambled.

"Rose, when did _you_ ever need protecting? You've always been able to handle yourself…" Dimitri asserted trying not to jostle me in his arms as he quickened his pace.

"I needed him. I needed him in Spokane and I needed him today! You see what happens when he isn't around! Zeklos showed up in my room today and he told me to watch my back… without Mase I don't know … " I cracked.

"Don't worry about Mr. Zeklos…" Dimitri said in a low voice. He paused.

"… but Rose, I think Spokane would have been the same with or without Mason. You handled yourself the best you could, and you killed a Strigoi. Do not forget how far you've come." Dimitri looked ahead of him but glanced at me every so often. I was trying to stay awake.

"If Mason hadn't been there, worse things could have happened," I stopped.

"I don't know how it could have been worse…" Dimitri slowed and looked at me intently as he shifted my weight in his arms. We were going up the steps to the clinic.

My eyes rolled back into my head again and my body began to feel heavy.

"Stay with me Rose, come on… explain this to me"

"Mason knew, he knew the whole time but he didn't tell anyone…and then Ad … Adrian knew"

"Rose, what did they know?" Dimitri walked into the clinic doors and then shouted for help.

"Mase, he … he told me to tell someone… "

Olendzki ran into the room and gasped loudly.

"Miss Hathaway!" She looked between Dimitri and I.

"Guardian Belikov, what happened? Where is she injured?" She was suddenly above me as Dimitri laid me down on the bed.

I was grabbing my stomach still, and immediately she called for a nurse. Olendzki grabbed warming blankets and put them on my feet; I wasn't wearing socks and the winter air chilled me. She scurried around the room as a nurse walked in.

"Where is this blood coming from?" The nurse's words were loud and suddenly Dr. Olendzki stopped moving.

"I-I don't know" I mumbled. The pain was now coming and going but it was still strong.

The nurse took Olendzki out of earshot. They were whispering to each other and they kept looking back at me.

The pain was surging again and I groaned lowly in my throat as I rolled onto my left side. Dimitri pulled the closest chair up against my bed; he leaned toward me so that we were eye level. His eyebrows scrunched together; I had never seen that look on his face before. He looked scared.

"...it hurts .." I whispered almost breathlessly.

Dimitri put his hand on my cheek and nodded sadly, "It's going to be okay…"

Suddenly Olendzki turned around and walked back over to me. Dimitri lowered his hand from my face.

"Miss Hathaway… you need to be honest with me."

She stopped and I looked up to see her look around at the nurse and at Dimitri.

She exhaled loudly, "Do you think you might be pregnant?"

I stared blankly into Olendzki's face; I couldn't believe this was happening. I wanted to just hide it for another few months, but I knew if I didn't say something now it would get worse.

"Rose…" Dimitri started incredulously. I looked between him and Olendzki.

I nodded slowly and pressed my face into the blanket still tucked into the mattress. It was out.

"Rose," Olendzki's tone turned to more motherly than I had ever heard before. Her voice was low and she never used my first name.

I looked up at her.

"Rose how far along are you?" She asked.

I searched to find Dimitri. His face was like stone. I didn't want to say it… I couldn't say it…

Olendzki looked at me questioningly. "Rose?"

I looked up at her guiltily.

"About two months…. "

Dimitri closed his eyes to blink, but he held them closed. I looked back at Olendzki. I could barely breathe as I spoke.

"It happened in Spokane."


	17. Chapter 17: Take My Time

Both Olendzki and the nurse gasped loudly, Olendzki tried to cover her mouth but it was too late. "Rose … are you sure this happened in Spokane? I need to know as much as possible if I am going to help," Olendzki prompted dropping her hand from her face. She looked worried and motioned for the nurse to go and get something.

"I'm sure," I answered staring at the wall next to the bed. I didn't want to look at anyone. I could feel eyes focused on me. I suddenly felt anxious. I never thought I would be talking about this with anyone. I didn't really have a plan, but this was not it.

"Who, I mean …." Olendzki started to pry. She was shooting questions at me to keep me distracted while she took a few vitals and hooked me up to an IV and monitor.

"It doesn't matter," I answered still staring at the wall. I just wanted everyone to go away. I wanted the pain to be gone, I wanted Mason to come back and I wanted everyone to leave me alone!

"Yes… it does," Dimitri spoke suddenly. His voice was low and monotone.

"No, it doesn't!" I sat up slowly on my side to face him. "It doesn't matter!" Olendzki tried to force me to lie back down but I shoved her hand aside. "You want to know why!? Because I killed him! He was there … and I couldn't fight back and I blacked out! Then, I fucking chopped his fucking head off! There is nothing anyone can do about it now! So just fucking DROP IT!" I was breathing heavily and was feeling a little hysterical.

"… but" Olendzki started.

Dimitri's eyebrows rose drastically and his mouth parted open as if he were about to speak and he questioningly looked me in the eyes. I nodded slowly. He looked like he was about to say something again, but he was cut off by the nurse who had walked when I started shouting.

"Miss Hathaway… are you saying that you were raped?"

_Did they just give nursing degrees to every genius who wanted one!?_

The nurses' bedside manner was not her strong suit, I knew that much.

I realized then that it was possible that she did not completely believe that something like that could happen to me. The nurses in the clinic had seen me in here a thousand times; however, they usually were mending broken bones or things like that.

I closed my eyes and bit down hard on my lip, the tears just poured over. I laid back down and turned away from everyone. Dr. Olendzki put her hand on my shoulder; she wanted to comfort me, but I wanted to just hide.

I heard a Dimitri swear under his breath and he broke into bits of Russian that I hadn't heard before, and I thought I had heard it all. He stood up quickly and threw the chair into the wall behind him. I heard his boots heavy on the linoleum and the door to the clinic was kicked open, slamming into the wall; he was gone.

"Rose, pain and this much bleeding in early pregnancy is usually indicative of a miscarriage. There are a few tests that I need to complete and I need you to roll over onto your back, if you can," Olendzki was back into doctor tone.

"Just get it over with," I rolled to my back and closed my eyes. I just wanted to get out of there.

Olendzki did blood work followed by a pelvic exam. She was very quick, which I appreciated. I knew I was supposed to start getting yearly exams, but I didn't think I would ever see it in a normal light.

She told me that she was done and that she would be back after putting things away.

"Okay Rose," Olendzki started. "By the amount of clotting and blood, I suspected that you were miscarrying; I found in my evaluation that I was correct in my assumption. There have been similar cases regarding strigoi and dhampir, but they all usually end the same," she paused.

My heart stopped and relief suddenly washed over me. In the back of my mind I suspected that this was what was really happening, but I hadn't been realized in this way until Olendzki said it.

"I wish you had told me that this had happened Rose. All of the other cases that I have read about, indicate that a strigoi cannot effectively impregnate another being, strigoi, dhampir, moroi, or human. For this reason, the fetus does not survive passed the second trimester and sometimes… the mother does not survive either. If this hadn't happened now, it would have eventually, and it would have been a lot worse," Olendzki inhaled deeply and looked down at my hand; she took it in hers.

"Rose, I understand why you didn't want to say anything and I am so terribly sorry. I can only assume that the field exercise was the reason that this happened. I'm just so sorry."

I closed my eyes slowly and nodded at her.

"Thank you," I managed. I was exhausted. I had been awake for too long with only a few hours of sleep at this point and I really felt like everything was just a dream floating by.

"Now, you are okay to go home but you will have to take it easy for the next few days, until the bleeding stops. There shouldn't be much more bleeding, and after it stops you can take some painkillers for the bruises on your face and chest.

I looked down and sighed_. It figures I would look hideous; I am a walking joke_.

Olendzki gave me a change of clothes marked "St. Vladimir's Academy". They looked like gym clothes that the middle school kids wore. I left the clinic door and walked down the hallway. For the first time in my life I wished that stupid vampire myths were true. I wanted to turn into a bat, fly to my room, lock myself in a coffin and only come out when it suited me.

"ROSE!" Lissa, Christian and Adrian ran at me but I kept walking toward my dorm.

"Rose, wait!" Lissa panted loudly.

I turned to face her and waited. I didn't know how much she knew or why exactly they had come running at me.

"Where have you been?! The whole school is talking about what happened at Kozlov's field exercise and no one could find you!" Lissa exclaimed.

"Yeah, you look pretty messed up!" Christian trailed off.

Adrian shot Christian a displeased look and Lissa slugged him in the arm.

"Are you okay?" Adrian appraised. His face was worried. Lissa started talking again, but I was watching him still. He had a questioning look on his face that I couldn't shake. Slowly and minutely he placed his hand on his stomach and his eyebrows rose slightly.

"… so did you!?" Lissa finished.

"Hmm … what? What did you say?" I looked over at her, still glancing back to Adrian.

"She asked you if you heard what happened to Jesse Zeklos," Christian answered somewhat annoyed.

"Zeklos!? No, what happened?" I looked between Christian and Lissa quickly.

Clearly annoyed, Christian started Lissa's story over. "A couple of us found him in the middle of the quad about an hour ago after class. Looked like someone kicked the shit out of him! It was insane!" Christian howled.

"Last I heard he was in Kirova's office and he just told her that he fell down! He wouldn't tell anyone what happened!" Lissa cracked.

"Yeah, I knew it would happen eventually …. Rose are you sure you had nothing to do with this? It looked like something you would have done." Christian finished. He was only half serious, even though there had been a few times where I would have gladly kicked the crap out of Jesse Zeklos.

Christian was replaying the scene again to Lissa; her eyes widened and she wrinkled her nose when he got to the more gory parts. Stuck in their banter I was free to look back at Adrian. He stood very still. He blinked a few times before repeating his gesture from before. This time his hand rested on his stomach longer as he looked at me questioningly.

I looked out into the distance. I was supposed to be happy about not being pregnant, but for some reason Adrian's gesture made me a little sad. I looked up again, and I blinked slowly and purposefully. For some reason I knew that he understood and he didn't have to say anything. He nodded before turning to Christian and Lissa.

"So, looks like Rose would probably like to get some sleep, and I'm sure you two have more making out or something to do," Adrian mused. His attempt to deflect the conversation was like a well orchestrated game, with one goal in mind. Lissa and Christian kept talking and only paused when Lissa said that she would call me soon. They went right back to talking and walked away without noticing that Adrian had stayed behind.

He looked at me again, "See ya in a few?" He asked and sighed deeply.

I nodded at him and began my walk back to my dorm. Luckily more people were talking about what happened to Mason and Jesse that they ignored me walking up the stairs and into my room.

I was asleep before I hit the pillow.

**

"Your aura was so dark today I would have known something was wrong before hearing all the shit that went on," Adrian slid next to me on the bench I was sitting on. This dream was different than the others. I wasn't in a field, I wasn't at the beach and I wasn't in a forest.

I was in a cemetery and it was snowing; the snow on the ground radiating blue all around us.

I sat very still with my arms around me and a bright red scarf nestled into my neck. I didn't feel cold, but it felt strange sitting under the falling snow in a tank top. I looked over at Adrian and a deep breath filled my chest.

"I thought I was lost before. I thought being in a coma had ruined my life. I thought being raped and then finding out I was pregnant ruined my life. But then today I lost Mason. He died right in front of me and there wasn't a thing I could do about it." I looked at him; questions filled my eyes as if he had the answers.

He lowered his head slightly and looked at me with more attention, almost begging me to go on.

"And I was beat up by a strigoi and Mason was killed …and I am pretty sure this all caused me to miscarry." I looked down.

"Oh little dhampir …" he said turning his body toward me.

"You knew that I had miscarried when you saw me, but you know that's not the part that bothers me… well… it bothers me, but I am relieved that I won't have to think about that anymore."

"Rose, I hate to break it to you, but you probably won't be able to forget this for a long time. But just wait… wait… before you say anything just listen… All of those things that you have had to deal with in the last few months … you survived…." He ran his hand through his purposefully messy hair.

"From the moment I first saw you I knew you were a fighter. You didn't take my shit and you don't let me forget it either. You're the only person I know who calls me an asshole and I love it. I honestly don't think anyone else would have been able to go through all of this and come out the other side the way you have."

It was the most honest I had ever seen Adrian. He was just… talking. He wasn't calculating and he wasn't trying to get anything from me.

"I guess this is just preparing me for protecting Lissa … I mean, if I can't deal with my own problems, she doesn't stand a chance. I guess… thank you for helping me put it into some perspective…" I smiled lightly.

"Little dhampir, you can't fool me. I know it hurts, but that is okay… Lissa is going to have the best dhampir guarding her… and you know it" Adrian smirked trying to get me to smile.

"Before, when I was sparring with Mason we decided that the best dhampir would win. Mason had won that fight and now he was gone. What does that say about me?" I didn't want to cry in front of Adrian…

"I gotta go," I hurriedly stood up and gave Adrian an apologetic look.

"It's okay little dhampir … you know where to find me if you need me," he hinted.

"Take your time… but always know that you can take **my** time if you need it…"

* * *

**[again, besos to my beta reader chattgirl4– you are so patient with me sending you 3-4 chapters at a time]**

**[to all of the readers who have been consistently reviewing: I do it for you.]**


	18. Chapter 18: Signals

I slowly opened my eyes. Nearly a week had passed and every night I attempted to sleep my body wouldn't let me. The clock said that I had been asleep for about five hours and while I was happy for any sleep it felt like only ten minutes.

I hadn't been out of my room except to check in with Dr. Olendszki. She had finally cleared me and given me the pain killers for my bruises and things. Aside from that, Lissa had been by a few times; she just sat and stared at me, waiting for me to talk about it. This time, I didn't feel the same panic as before, so I didn't need to say anything. I still hadn't told her about the miscarriage… but I figured there was no rush this time.

Adrian hadn't come into my dreams since the night we talked about the miscarriage. I knew he would be there if I needed someone to talk to, but I wasn't completely sure that he was the one I wanted to talk about it with. Ideally, that person would have been Dimitri, but then again he wasn't exactly making himself available. I hadn't seen him since he stormed out of the clinic.

My phone rang and I leaned over to my dresser to reach for it. The caller ID said : _St Vladimir's_; that meant that it was Kirova. I hesitated picking it up, but I remembered that I was supposed to meet with her sometime soon. I sighed heavily and proceeded to pick up.

The phone call proved to be exactly what I had anticipated. Kirova kept the conversation short but asked me to meet in her office in an hour. I didn't really have an excuse to throw at her so I complied. This was likely the first time I had been called to her office for reasons other than being in trouble for beating someone up or trying to escape.

I decided to shower and then head over to the main offices. I wanted to blend in, so I made sure that I didn't look too hideous. I blow dried my hair, threw on some jeans, a burgundy tank top and my black coat. For early spring, it was just as cold outside as in the beginning of winter, but I knew the cold wasn't really over yet.

I walked into Kirova's office and I knew immediately that the meeting was going to be extremely awkward. It was Kirova, Alberta and Stan sitting across a big table from me. I absently answered their questions and eventually they stopped beating around the bush and finally asked questions regarding how Mason was killed. I told them everything I could, yet replaying the incident in my head only made me feel worse about myself. I told Kirova that Mason died trying to save me and that was why he faltered in the first place. I was certain that if I hadn't been there, Mason would still probably be alive.

I could tell Alberta had something she really wanted to say, but Kirova interrupted to ask more inane and recurring questions. I noticed many things about Kirova's office: the way it smelled like old people; the strange yellow and olive green patterned drapes; I could even see the apathy on my face in the reflection on the big red wooden table, it reminded me of the other conversations that took place here. I wondered about Kirova's strange taste in furniture and I wondered why she didn't have fifty cats crawling around. She seemed the type.

_Maybe she hid them in the drawers when people were around._

"…Miss. Hathaway?" Stan murmured, bringing me out of my trance.

"Sorry, what?" I said half heartedly.

"Is there anything else you would like to add to your statement? Anything you think the other guardian's may have missed?" Stan questioned

I thought about it for a few seconds, but I couldn't really think of anything worth mentioning.

"Nope" I emphasized the 'p', making a small popping sound.

"Are you certain, Miss Hathaway?" Alberta posed. She was looking at me intently.

"Yeah, I'm sure …" I didn't really understand what Alberta was getting at, but I was definitely suspicious. I eyed her warily, but I kept my thoughts to myself.

_Was there something I was forgetting?_

"Well, Miss. Hathaway, I think that is all the questions we have for you at the moment, but please be aware that this is probably not the last meeting we will have regarding this incident," Kirova said as she closed a manila folder and un-clicked the pen she held in her other hand.

"Whatever…" I told her as I uncrossed my legs and stood up.

I closed the big oak door behind me and let out a sigh. I was happy it was over; I felt like I was on trial… While walking down the hallway I was trying to erase the meeting from my mind when Alberta caught up to me.

"Miss. Hathaway, I would just like to remind you that if there is anything that you remember about the exercise that might be of value to me and the other guardians, it is pertinent that you say something," she eyed me again like I was supposed to understand her cryptic language.

"Ooooookayyyy" I said ending with higher inflection.

"Guardian Belikov, Alto and myself would be happy to listen to anything you had to say regarding the matter…" she said walking away.

I watched her walk back down the hall and into Kirova's office with a perplexed look on my face. I had no idea what she was getting at, or why Dimitri and Stan were in on it as well…

I decided to ignore it for the time being.

I looked down at my watch; I was feeling tired and achy. Despite the fact that my cramps had gotten substantially better since the beginning of the week, I was lacking energy. Maybe I would fall asleep again. But then again, talking about Mason made it that much harder to push the recent memory out of my head.

I joined the path leading to the dorms and I took my hair down from my ponytail for cover; the wind was blowing chills up my neck. I would go back to my dorm, get into my old pajamas and get back into bed. I had no intention of coming outside again unless it was required of me… even then I wasn't so sure that I would go willingly. I was eager to be back in my room and I was imagining more of its' comforts when I saw him.

He was about fifty feet ahead, walking toward me. The lamps lit the ground and diffused into the night, but I didn't need them to know his perfect silhouette. His head was down and his hands were in his pockets just as mine were. I hadn't seen Dimitri since the clinic; I was embarrassed and suddenly I wasn't sure that I wanted him to see me. It felt like it could be weird talking to him now.

I stopped walking not knowing what to do, but it was too late to hide. He was approaching me quickly and my abrupt halt only caught his attention. Within about five feet, Dimitri looked up. As he looked back down he slowed his step and stopped walking; his gaze changed focus and he looked out to the right of him, back toward the larger part of campus. He took a heaving breath and sighed. Then it became really awkward, and obviously so.

Dimitri did not even look me in the eye. He probably felt just as much discomfort as I had. I decided to make it easier on the both of us. I turned and started walking again toward the dorms.

As I walked passed him, his arm snaked out and grabbed hold of mine, but he quickly loosened his grip

"Don't…" I said.

Dimitri was looking out into the distance, but he didn't let go of my arm. There was more silence; neither of us knew what to say, yet we just stood there uncomfortably. After coming out of a coma I hadn't really seen or spoken to Dimitri for a whole month. I wondered if he would have tried to talk to me if we hadn't run into each other.

I moved to leave again but he moved in front of me, blocking my path. He hovered above me, as he stood nearly a foot taller than me. His hair hung lightly across his eyes in the way that I loved; I suddenly had the urge to brush it off of his face with my fingers. As I searched further into his deep eyes, they looked like they were studying mine.

The frozen silence between us made me nervous, but thematically it seemed to fit. Nothing was normal lately. But this, this, I was not okay with. Aside from just Lissa I had started to feel like I could really talk to him. I bit my lower lip and looked up at him pleadingly. I couldn't handle being this close to him and not saying anything; I didn't want it to be this way anymore.

I looked down and noticed that his hand was cut, it wasn't deep, but it was starting to turn shades of blue and purple.

"Does it hurt? I mean, are you okay?" I asked wanting to hold his hand. It wasn't exactly what I had meant to talk about, but it was a start.

Dimitri's face changed dramatically at this and held his hand out to inspect it more closely. "This is nothing. I'm fine…" He paused and eyed me dubiously. "How can you say that? I don't know how you could be worried about me. How are you feeling?" he asked calmly.

"I'm okay," I said nodding slightly. His question was rhetorical, but I wanted to tell him that I asked because I cared about him. Something he obviously didn't completely understand.

More awkward silence followed. _Fabulous._

This was the type of conversation people had when they ran into each other at the supermarket. Neither person knows what to say, but they do a lot of questioning and head bobbing just to fill the time. Eventually, it gets so terrible someone makes up an excuse to walk away.

"So," I started clearing my throat, "off to meet Tasha for a _hot_ date?" I prompted. I realized that this wasn't exactly what I should have said. In fact, if there was any way to make it more awkward, this was it.

Dimitri's face did not falter, "Actually, Guardian Kozlov is on campus today and the guardian's have been requested to meet with him," he said again casually.

"I don't know if I would classify that as a hot date, but whatever floats your boat…" I smiled lightly. I was using as much deflection as I could. It was meant to be funny, but I realized how much it was lacking.

Dimitri smirked and looked down at the ground; he kicked at a leaf just under him.

"Well, I'll let you get to it then," I said. "You don't want to keep him waiting…"

Dimitri tilted his head up slightly to look at me, "I suppose I do not".

I smiled meekly at him, "I'll see ya later."

He nodded.

I took that as my cue to leave; however, as I turned his hand reached out and pulled me into him. He hugged me securely, with the tight muscles in his chest and his aftershave lingering on his coat. I could feel his heart booming and I wondered if he realized it mirrored my own. He took a deep breath.

Sadly, just as quickly as he had pulled me in, he released me and walked away. I was completely mystified by this; I was too stunned to move as I watched him walk quickly down the path toward the main offices without a word; he pushed his hand roughly through his hair. From my view he almost looked frustrated. Dimitri's behavior had been strange that I was beginning to accept the fact that I might not be able to rely on him anymore. Before the field exercise I was beginning to think that I might stand a chance at letting him go. We were training and he was stable Dimitri; he was tough but he maintained his mentor role. Yet, it seemed that more recently he was showing traces of the Dimitri I knew, the one who loved me. It was almost as if he was starting to slip… lose some control around me again. This was clear when he let himself go, and hugged me.

I was standing still in the place where Dimitri had left me, lost in thought, when I saw Tasha Ozera walking up the path.

…_wtf…_

_Why couldn't I just get to my room !?_

"Rose?"

I remember questioning if it were too late to pretend I hadn't seen her so I could turn and just walk away.

"Rose?" She asked again, now standing directly in front of me looking me in the eyes. She had the same eyes as Christian, like piercing light-blue orbs. I remember telling Dimitri how I had thought she was pretty, even with the scars on her face. If I had known then how things were going to turn out, I wouldn't have mentioned her beauty at all. I probably would have said that I had heard she hated puppies, small children and all things Russian…

"Ah, sorry… lost in thought," I started suddenly.

"Rose, how are you feeling? Dimka told me what happened, and that you were out of the clinic, but I didn't think I would see you around." She was showing interest in me, which I took as endearing. But, I quickly realized that she might just be fulfilling a subconscious need to get to know the people in Dimitri's life. I would give her no such satisfaction.

"I'm fine. Thanks for asking," I said. _Short and to the point, Rose_.

She nodded taking in my curt answer. She seemed a little unnerved that I didn't want to chat with her like old friends, but then again, I didn't really care.

"By any chance, have you see Dimka around?" I hated when she called him that.

"Actually, I have," I smiled ruthlessly.

"He said he had important guardian business. He is meeting with his _Highness,_ Guardian Kozlov," I said, bowing my head sarcastically.

Tasha laughed throwing her dark hair over her shoulder, "Well, Rose you know he isn't all that bad."

I scoffed loudly. "Yeah, I read about the amazing Guardian Kozlov. He is only known for his record amount of kills and how he is, surprisingly, highly regarded with the Moroi Royal Court. . . blah blah blah. I bet its all BS." I used air-quotes when saying 'highly regarded', since I hadn't ever heard anyone actually say that other than in books.

"Oddly enough," Tasha interjected. "There has been recent speculation that he advocates for Moroi rights, specifically magic wielding; subsequently, this is a topic you probably know I am very passionate about. If it is true, his activism for Moroi rights is admirable," she beamed. "Especially at a time like this."

"Yeah, fine. He is a real humanitarian. Equal rights is great, yada yada… but what's in it for h-" I stopped abruptly.

"Tasha," I looked at her incredulously. The fact that I had read so much about Guardian Kozlov should have triggered this the first time I met him. I wanted to slap myself in the face.

"…in the last few years, which Moroi have been under Kozlov's watch?"

"There have been many, since he one of the best he travels a lot." She said thoughtfully.

"I need to know some specific names…this is important…" I said taking a step toward her. The look on her face turned a little more concerned.

"I don't know, specifically. Any of the royals you can think of, he has probably worked with…" She turned her head slightly assessing me.

"…or worked _for_!" I shouted in outrage.

I turned to run toward Kirova's office; I needed to find Alberta.

**[ besos chattgirl4 ]**

**[ I love all of the messages and reviews!]**


	19. Chapter 19: Target

I pounded loudly on Kirova's office door even though I wasn't completely sure they would hold the meeting in her office; however, it was the last place that I had seen Alberta.

_How could I have been so stupid? Alberta was trying to get me to think about this earlier…_

I turned, leaning against the door and slid down to sit on the floor, propping my arms on my knees. I didn't really know where the guardians held their meetings, if not in Kirova's office. I felt like if I went to look for the meeting I would just run around in circles. I thumped my head back against the door in frustration.

Suddenly, the door opened behind me, sending me to the floor flat on my back with a thud.

"Owww…" I murmured rubbing my head.

I opened my eyes, looking directly up at an upside down and annoyed Stan.

"Miss Hathaway, what are you doing!? We are just about to start an important meeting and you are trying to break the door down!" He reprimanded as I rolled on my hands and knees to get up. Surprisingly, he put his hand out to help me, but I ignored the gesture. I was still slightly angry that he didn't defend me in front of Kozlov during class.

"Yeah, I know, but I need to talk to Alberta, now," I pushed passed Stan, who was trying somewhat to block the doorway, and found that Kirova's office had been rearranged to accommodate all of the guardians who had been on the field exercise; an empty chair sat at the head of the table, which I assumed to be reserved for Guardian Kozlov.

"Rose?" Dimitri stood and eyed me questioningly.

"I realized on the way back to my room that I forgot to say something in my meeting earlier…"

Stan cut me off before I could talk again. "Miss Hathaway, you can wait! This isn't-"

"I am sure that whatever Rose has to say is important and should not wait," Alberta chimed in. She nodded at me knowingly. Sometimes I wondered why Alberta had been nicer to me than the other guardians had, but then again times like these reminded me that she was a lot like me: a usually outnumbered female dhampir.

I cleared my throat and began, hoping that I sounded confident.

"Besides the fact that it was obvious that Guardian Kozlov hated me when he was in our combat class, he chose me to go on the field exercise with Mason."

"You both demonstrated the necessary skills, he made a fair choice-, "one of the guardians I didn't know interjected. He had red hair and I remember thinking if I got to know him better, I would have called him _Ginger_ behind his back.

"Wrong," I snapped back.

I continued, "I thought that at first, but there was something weird with the way that all of this shit …er…I mean, stuff… happened. He obviously didn't like me from the beginning and then he told me that I didn't stand a chance with real strigoi. Then, at the field exercise it seemed strange how the place Kozlov picked was so far away and that the strigoi _coincidentally_ knew we would be there."

"Miss Hathaway, you are out of line! …To accuse another guardian of such a thing!" Stan argued throwing his fist down on the table. He looked around at the other guardians. Alberta and Dimitri did not seem to be as shocked; the others just looked mad and uncomfortable.

"No! Rose, go on!" Alberta cut Stan off and eyed him angrily.

"The point is that I am pretty sure that Kozlov picked me for the field exercise because he was trying to get rid of me… to … to get me out of the way…" I searched the faces of the guardians at the table. They had to listen to me! As I stared into their faces, they began to take on looks of confusion.

Dimitri eyed me, "Rose, why would Kozlov want to get rid of you? You pose no threat to him, or anyone-"

"Well, I do pose a threat, but it isn't primarily Kozlov who wants me dead," I shot back.

I turned to Alberta.

"-which is why you stopped me from tearing his eyes out at the field exercise and why you couldn't' say anything. You knew that I wasn't buying his BS from the beginning and neither had you! You knew something was wrong, but you also knew that we didn't have enough to go off of – not yet. I could tell by the way he looked at me before leaving the field exercise that he wasn't happy…"

Another guardian yelled, "Mr. Ashford had been killed! One of the best dhampirs of your year! You cannot expect--"

"--Kozlov didn't care about Mason!" My voice was high in my chest, I was getting louder.

"He didn't even argue with me when I told him that he sent me out there, on purpose, to die!" Frustrated, I threw my hands up.

"-- this is nonsense…" Stan waved his hand at me dismissively and began jeering me with the guardian next to him.

"No! Listen! Something Tasha Ozera said to me today makes me think we have enough to go on." I paused, my nerves always piqued when speaking in front of groups, but this was too big to get me.

Dimitri had a strange look on his face. Maybe he didn't like the fact that Tasha and I had been talking and he wasn't around to hear it.

"Guardian Kozlov has been known recently to support Moroi combat rights. He is actively trying to get moroi to use their powers to defend themselves instead of just relying on their guardians."

Ginger rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Wow Miss Hathaway, you have a great case. Lets try to indict someone who is fighting fo-"

"I am not finished!" I eyed him with a warning gaze. He looked stunned and a little angry.

"While I am not against Moroi using their affinity to protect themselves, I am against the ones who use it to hurt other Moroi and dhampir" I looked at Alberta and then over to Dimitri. He had a knowing look on his face which I took to mean that he understood that I was talking about what had happened to Lissa before.

"If I remember correctly, Guardian Kozlov was Victor Dashkov's guardian at some point." That name alone made chills run up my spine and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

I could tell that the guardians' minds were reeling, yet everything was just starting to make sense to me.

"Yes, he was ….right around the same time Victor became ill…" Alberta said reflectively.

My suspicion had been correct, and although it felt good to be right, it was also frightening.

Dimitri walked over to me with the same suspicious look on his face from before.

"Rose, when did you see Tasha?"

I cringed slightly when he said her name, "Right before I came here, why?"

He looked to Stan and Alberta, "Guardian Kozlov called to say that he was going to be late because he was finishing lunch with her…"

I looked Dimitri in the eyes, searching for his meaning.

"Well, obviously he was lying because…"

Fear shocked me quickly; it felt like ice water pumping through me. I finally understood what Dimitri was getting at.

Then Dimitri asked the question that sent me sprinting out of the room.

"Rose, where is Lissa?"

I couldn't believe that no one else had thought about the fact that Kozlov had been Victor Dashkov's guardian. It all seemed so clear. If Dashkov was in prison, he would have to find some other way to kidnap Lissa, and he did it so easily. Dashkov probably knew that Stan worshiped the guy and he had his way in! All I could think about now was getting to Lissa and making sure Kozlov couldn't get to her.

I was across the lower campus quad when I realized I could use the bond to find her. I stopped running and peered out into the distance, letting my head blur to see her.

She was sitting in her math class doodling between the lines on her note paper. Little hearts surrounded a small drawing of a boy and a girl holding hands. Lissa's adoration for Christian was something I might not ever understand, but it was comforting to feel that she was at peace.

I shrunk out of Lissa's head, back into my body. I was surrounded by the guardian's I had just torn away from in Kirova's office.

Dimitri pushed his way through a few others, "Is she okay?"

I exhaled, "Yeah, she is in her math class. She seems fine and she didn't feel like she was in any danger or anything".

"That means that _he_ could be anywhere on campus still," Alberta added.

"Right," I said.

Dimitri looked pensive and then began pointing people in different directions. Half of the guardians were to go straight to Lissa and take her to Kirova's office. That left Alberta, Dimitri, Stan and I to cover the Moroi dorms.

"Rose, it is probably best for you to go back to your dorm and wait there. We can update you later," Ginger posed with his arms folded across his chest.

"W-"

"No! She is coming with me. She can be our eyes and ears to Lissa," Dimitri interrupted me before I could protest. Dimitri started toward the dorms without waiting for a response from the others; Stan and Alberta followed with me closely behind. The other guardian's were somewhat new and I didn't think they appreciated taking orders from Dimitri. It was obvious that Ginger was not happy with his decision either.

I ran ahead and caught up to Dimitri.

"Hey, thanks for making sure I wasn't stuck in my room through all of this. You know how crazy I would get…you know … with knowing where Lissa was and not being able to do anything about it," I said looking up at him while we walked briskly up to the Moroi dorm building.

"You say that as if you would have stayed in your room. At least if you are with me I can keep an eye on you"; Dimitri said opening the giant door to the building. "I don't want you out of my sight."

He paused letting me walk in first and I caught the look on his face. His jaw was clenched and his face was serious; he glared around cautiously.

"Alberta and Stan, take the third floor. Rose and I will take the second floor and check out Lissa's room. Meet us there if you do not see him."

Alberta and Stan passed us on the stairwell and continued up to the third floor. I was pretty sure they would be back down sooner rather than later since Lissa's room was where I suspected Kozlov would be.

After assessing the halls, Dimitri moved toward Lissa's door slowly, making no noise as he moved across the dark wooden floor boards. I followed trying to mirror his movements, though I doubted that I looked as god-like and pro when I did it.

Fortunately, it seemed that Lissa's door was still locked. I took this as a good sign, but I was still wary that Kozlov might have been more capable than I had really known. At this point, I wouldn't put anything passed him.

Dimitri used his key to click the lock open as quietly as possible, but the emptiness of the dorms during the class hours made every sound exponentially louder. I watched as a small bit of dust puffed off the doorframe and sunk into the darkness from the window. The static air was making me breathe faster; it almost felt like I was suffocating.

The door started to swing open heavily as soon as it unlocked; I held my breath momentarily.

The small dorm room appeared to be exactly how I would imagine Lissa would have left it. The desk lamp shone down upon scattered papers and created a brown hue across the room. Things were neatly in order and only a few books scattered the floor just off the side of her bed. The curtains still closed from when she slept earlier and her pajamas were at the foot of her bed.

I took a step forward to enter, but Dimitri threw his arm back across my body cautiously. I eyed him and his face told me he wasn't completely sure of the room just yet, he went in first. He assessed the closet and the window, stopping around the perimeter. Suddenly, he stopped when he got to Lissa's bed; he lifted a small piece of paper off the pillow and waved me into the room. I walked over and leaned in front of him to read the paper still in his hand.

_Lissa, _

_Need your help. Meet in my room after class? _

_Love, _

_Rose_

I looked back up at Dimitri. "Wrong dorm room," I exhaled impatiently.

Suddenly, I was pulled into Lissa's head. She was walking through the quad and I felt a wave of concern wash over her as she picked up her stride. Through Lissa's eyes I looked up only to see the front of the dhampir dorms.

Abruptly, I pulled myself out of Lissa's head.

Dimitri stared at me, "Did the other guardian's take the princess to Kirova's office safely?"

I shook my head as I tried to muddy through my thoughts.

"No… No… They must not have gotten there in time! She was going into the dhampir dorms," I cried loudly.

Rushing out into the hallway I nearly collided with Stan and Alberta.

"He wasn-" Stan started.

"I know! Dhampir dorms! Now!" I commanded. I could tell Stan was pretty fed up with being bossed around by a novice, but he quickly turned to follow Alberta and Dimitri who had already hauled ass down the stairs.

I sprinted down the stairs behind them, wishing that I could have slid down the banister or something cool to catch up with them, but running down spiral stairs was a skill I had not effectively mastered.

I tore out of the Moroi dorms and saw that Alberta, Stan and Dimitri were practically across the quad already. Still running, I pulled at my jacked buttons and tore it off my arms, throwing it behind me. I didn't want anything holding me back. The wind chilled and covered my arms, but it was nothing compared to the adrenaline surging through my veins.

I felt electric.

I was about twenty feet behind Stan when I saw him run into the dhampir dorm, which was a polar opposite to the Moroi dorms we had just left a few minutes ago. Class had gotten out just in time for most of the dhampirs to clutter the sidewalks and now the dormitory hallways.

I ducked inside the door and I had to weave my way through the mass of students, moving at an irrationally slow pace. I sprinted up the winding staircase and shoved a few people aside when I reached the top. I think I may have been shouted at and given a few unfriendly hand signals, but at that point the voices were inaudible and gestures were meaningless.

I sprinted down the hallway and I finally rounded the last corner before my dorm room.

I was tripped and even elbowed a few people in the face but I got there. Relief washed over me as I looked down the long hall to see Dimitri, Alberta and Stan crowding in front of my door and surrounding a very confused looking Lissa.

A smile covered my face and I slowed down to a quick walk. I had to squeeze through the crowded hallway; it was making me impatient and clumsy. I just wanted to get to Lissa and make sure she was okay. I just wanted to give her a hug.

Just before I opened my mouth to call to Lissa, a strong pair of hands grabbed me around the waist and yanked me into an open doorway, just twenty feet before my own.

The door slammed behind me and I was thrown angrily to the ground. I opened my eyes but even with my good dhampir vision it was too dark to see anything; nevertheless, I knew that the room was laid out a lot like my own. I pulled my head off the carpet and looked up wildly; I immediately scooted backwards until my back was against the wall. A dark figured had emerged in front of me.

"Miss Hathaway, for such a young dhampir it has been increasingly difficult to kill you," a loud cackle followed as Patya Kozlov started toward me.

* * *

**[ besos chattgirl4 ]**

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	20. Chapter 20: Moonlit Warriors

"You can't get her now; she is safe and surrounded by academy guardians! You failed!" I shouted into the large blackness encroaching upon me.

I was suddenly struck on the left side, hitting me in the head and knocking me onto my side. I quickly jumped to my feet with my back still pinned against the wall.

I raked my hand behind my head splitting the curtain in front of the window, letting the blue light from the moon pour in. I could taste blood in my mouth, but otherwise I felt nothing but anger.

"Ah Miss Hathaway, it seems that as you have figured _som_e things out…" he inhaled slowly through his teeth, "other conditions of this dilemma were left unsatisfied." Kozlov struck out with his arm, but I evaded it quickly and jumped away from the wall just in time. A loud crack reverberated into the room and a fissure snapped up the window; it was just waiting to break. Momentarily, I felt relieved that that had not been me.

"… While your precious Princess Dragomir is precisely what Prince Victor needs to sustain his life, he realizes that while he is in prison there is no reason to take her …just yet…" Kozlov prodded as he assessed his hand in front of the window.

"Well, seems like your plan is kind of shitty if you ask me," I said trying to calm my breathing. I cleared my throat and moved back into fighting stance.

Kozlov looked up at me with a devilish gaze.

I moved quickly sending a blow to his side and quickly retreating before he could turn to jab me with his elbow.

"Well Rose, I am surprised that you hadn't figured it out from the beginning. You should not have doubted your intuitions in class. After all, I am not here for the Princess, my other guardians could have taken her easily after her class, but no, they made sure you came to me. Like I said before, I am here Miss Hathaway to kill you!" He shouted and lunged for me.

He took my feet out from under me and I landed flat on my back. I kicked wildly hitting him a couple times in the stomach and once hard in the ribs. He smacked my face with the back of his elbow hitting me directly in the nose. I felt blood trickle down my face and I gritted my teeth to keep from screaming from the pain.

In retort, I used my palm and landed a blow to his nose and sent a jabbing kick toward his stomach, fortunately I hit him in the balls instead. He roared loudly and clutched at his groin which gave me enough time to gain the upper hand. I kicked him off of me and leapt toward the door.

He grabbed me again around the middle and pulled me backward. He stood up and pushed me in front of him, slamming me into the door and pinning my arm behind me.

"Anything you want to say before I snap your pretty. little. neck?" Kozlov teased in a whisper.

He shoved my face into the wall harder when I did not answer him at first.

"It doesn't matter if I die now. Lissa will be safe; she has Dimitri and you won't get through him," I grunted.

"Ahhhh Guardian Belikov," He chortled. "He had such potential back home…I have seen the way he looks at you, especially when you don't know it…Although, you seem like a waste of his time when he has someone like Tasha Ozera pining after him. Nevertheless, I suppose I picked the wrong boyfriend, I should have told the Strigoi to kill him instead of Mr. Ashford…"

Rage was building in my chest. All I could do was think about the way Mason had died as a pawn in Kozlov's game. I shoved my elbow back at him.

I twisted quickly out of Kozlov's grip and hit him solidly on the side of his head. Despite Kozlov's size, he seemed to be too caught up in his little monologue to keep me down.

"Bitch!" Kozlov shoved my back against the door, pinning his forearm into my throat and raising me off the ground.

I kicked at the door behind me and attempted to scream, but the more I tried, the harder Kozlov pushed on my throat. I realized that my feet were free and I landed a stabbing kick to his chest sending him backwards. I hit the ground solidly on the side of my foot, rolling my ankle. As the adrenaline pumped harder I stood up on it, ignoring the pain.

I walked steadily toward Kozlov who was on the ground, his face contorting.

I leaned over him slowly, "You picked the wrong dhampir to fuck with." I said in a low and sinister voice. He eyed me and a slow smile played across his face. The same one I had seen after the field exercise.

"Miss Hathaway, do not think for a second that you will defeat me," He said wiping the blood off of his chin and flicking it at my face.

Kozlov jumped quickly catching me by the arm throwing me across the room. Luckily I landed on the bed just short of the wall. He ran at me, again shoving his forearm on my neck and pinning my legs down with his knees. He was laughing mockingly as I struggled against him.

"…and your precious Dimitri is next by the way…"

I could feel the air leaving me. My eyes swam back and forth looking into Kozlov's face, so I let them close. I didn't want his to be the last face I saw before I died. So, I pictured Lissa. I remembered the time we had dressed up as fairies for Halloween a few years ago, the times we went shopping and played in the park when we were small…before anything else mattered; when things felt safe.

Then I thought of Dimitri. He had always taught me to be so strong; he always had so much faith in me. I pictured him smiling at me and telling me how proud he was of me. Just that feeling alone usually sent a burst of hope into my chest. I remember exactly the way he told me that he loved me. He tried to do the right thing and ignore his feelings, but it was too strong. Despite this, I knew we couldn't be together because of Lissa.

A single tear traced down my temple.

"I wonder how long before they realize you are dead…"

Though it was useless I tried to force Kozlov's hand off of mine, but my movements were making the blackness push harder on me. I was rapidly realizing that nothing mattered anymore. I was fading; I was giving up. _Goodbye._

He kept growling in my ear,"…probably as long as it will take for them to realize that the Princess isn't safe any longer. No one watching her every move… no one will really know the real danger she-"

Kozlov's body was suddenly off of me and I gasped for air. I choked loudly and grabbed at my stinging neck trying to coax air back into it. My chest heaved, begging for air to enter quickly and pump through my body. My head was still swimming and my ears were echoing. I felt sick and drunk at the same time.

Gradually, the light started to come back and the sounds became clearer.

Slowly, I leaned up on my arm to see two figures struggling in and out of the shadows of the room. Suddenly they both flew in front of the window pummeling each other and grunting lowly. They both started shouting at each other and the sounds seemed to become fuzzy and strange again. I couldn't understand a word of what they were saying.

_Am I going to black out?!_

But then immediately I realized that the reason I couldn't understand them was because they weren't speaking English.

"Изменник?! Who is the one who abandoned his post in Siberia only to come to this place to fall in love with a stupid bloo--" Kozlov started.

"--не сказать еще слово! Not another word!!!" Dimitri shouted as he dodged Kozlov's attack and lunged at him.

Kozlov was bleeding above his eye and they were both breathing heavily as they circled around each other. Dimitri sent a kick at Kozlov which he deflected with his arm and sent a spiraling kick back, hitting Dimitri in the ribs. Dimitri winced but maintained his posture.

"You are weak, Belikov! You leave and not even a year later you have lost yourself! Not only to this school, but to an underage dhampir! Ты влюбился в кровь шлюха! Я делаю вам пользу! Ваше драгоценное Roza умрет!!!" He yelled.

Dimitri stopped suddenly and a murderous look grew on his face.

I had no idea what the two of them were saying, but I knew there were talking about me. I looked back and forth between the two of them, but silence filled the air as Dimitri lowered himself and took a solid step toward Kozlov. His breath harsh in his chest and I thought I heard a small rumble in his throat.

"Ты умрешь, прежде чем коснуться моей Roza снова!" He growled as he suddenly lunged again at Kozlov, knocking him backward, both of them going right through the already fractured window; glass shards spraying everywhere.

"DIMITRI!" I shouted hoarsely, stumbling off the bed.

My ankle was throbbing and I fell just before reaching the window, but I quickly pulled myself up trying to avoid the glass.

I threw my upper body to look out of the window. "DIMIT--" My breath caught short in my chest; Dimitri was thinly hanging from the window ledge by his fingertips.

"Rose!" He called up grasping for my hand.

"Hold on!" I leaned out further and grabbed him with both of my arms, ignoring the jagged glass ripping into the bottom of one of my forearms. A few drops of blood were dripping down my arm onto Dimitri's hands.

Dimitri eyed me and then looked down to the ground.

"Just let me go! Rose I --"

"NO!" I tried to yell as I grunted trying to pull him up. I could feel the muscles clenching all over my body.

"Rose, just let go!" Dimitri looked back, loosely holding on. The truth was, we were only on the second floor, but the ground wasn't really that close at all. It literally was about 50 feet down and I knew Dimitri wouldn't be okay because Kozlov was on the ground below us and he hadn't moved.

Without a word I started to pull Dimitri harder; I wouldn't let him go. I used every muscle in my body, using my knees against the wall and my feet awkwardly on the floor. Every ounce of my energy was gone, but somehow I just _had_ to pull him up. Suddenly, I was reminded of how hard it had been to let Mason go and this was Dimitri. The thought of losing him was something I couldn't even imagine; I wouldn't imagine it. I would not let him fall.

The glass under my shoes made my feet slide minutely, but it was enough for Dimitri's hand to slip out of mine.

"NO!" I shouted holding one of his arms with both hands.

Dimitri suddenly moved more easily toward me and I realized his other hand had caught the inside of the window sill and he was using it to pull himself in. I used the last bit of my energy to help pull Dimitri inside the window as he collapsed on the floor next to me; chunks of glass falling in along with him.

I lay flat on my back gasping for air and my nails attempting to dig into the wooden floorboards at my sides. The pain in my neck radiated like it was on fire. My eyes were closed, but I could feel my heart jumping in my chest. I was alive.

I rolled onto my side and pulled myself toward Dimitri, my knees sliding along the glass on the floor.

"Dim …Dimitri" I pushed myself onto my hands to lean above his face, assessing him. His eyes were closed and his chest heaved. A gash in his forehead was covered by sweat and small strands of hair; I brushed them lightly off of his face. I had always imagined touching him, even caressing him; however, this wasn't exactly what I had envisioned.

Little cuts from the glass curved alone his jaw line and marked his cheek bones.

"Are you okay?" I begged through a small and airy voice.

Aside from breathing, he hadn't really moved.

Slowly he swallowed hard, blinked his eyes open and he took a deep breath. His eyes reflected the light coming in from the window like dark pools of water.

He turned and looked at me. "I knew he was after you… I didn't want you where I couldn't help you," his eyebrows knitted together and he grunted slowly as he tried to sit up. He looked frustrated, but at the same time somewhat relieved.

He exhaled and then looked me deep in the eyes as he rested on his elbows.

I looked at him questioningly; he hadn't answered me.

"I'm fine…" He said. He took in my appearance looking from the dried blood on my face to the reddish marks forming around my neck.

He lifted his hand and touched the back his knuckles to my throat, but when I shifted he moved up to my face to rest his hand on my cheek.

He shook his head slowly with a sad look pulling at his face.

"Rose, I … I'm so sorry I didn't get to you faster…" Dimitri's eyebrows lifted as he slowly stroked my cheek with his hand.

"Does it hurt? I mean…" He looked into my eyes again and shook his head slowly.

Usually, I thought I would have been crying my eyes out at a time like this. I was nearly choked to death and for a split second, I thought I had lost Dimitri forever.

I tried to clear my throat but the muscles felt bruised and they constricted.

"It's not too bad," I whispered, flinching at the pain. Dimitri lowered his hand and used his arms to sit upright, leaning closer to me to look at my face. He pulled my arm out into his lap and I saw that the cut from the window had a small chunk of glass in it, but the bleeding had slowed.

"Rose, you're a terrible liar" he whispered back to me. He brushed the hair out of my face to look at my eyes in the light from the window.

I was pretty sure Kozlov had broken my nose; my eyes especially already felt puffy.

I was now sitting directly next to him, our faces only a foot apart and I could feel the heat in his touch. I bit at the inside of my cheek and tried to slow my breathing that had picked up again.

I could feel the warmth of his body and I could smell his aftershave.

Dimitri leaned on his hands and rose to his feet, turning toward me to help me up. From where I was sitting, I stood only to find myself within inches of his body.

"Well, that might have been unfair. You aren't a terrible liar, I can just tell when you are trying to hide something from me," he suggested looking down at me through his bottomless eyes. He shook his head slightly trying to move the hair off of his face, but without thinking I reached out and pushed it behind his ear. My hand lingered against the back of his head and slowly drifted down to rest against his broad chest.

Dimitri reached up and covered my hand which was now covering his heart and closed his eyes.

I recognized that this was the real Dimitri. The one that he never let anyone see; the one I had only seen a few times myself. One of those times was when he told me that he loved me.

Suddenly Dimitri exhaled loudly, pulled my hand back up to his neck and turned his head toward me. His face crashed against mine sending blissful pain into my wounds and down into the depths of me. I had never had something hurt so much and feel so good at the same time. All I knew was that I wouldn't let go.

His lips weren't soft, they were almost demanding. Both of his hands were on the side of my face pressing me into him.

Abruptly, Dimitri pulled away causing my breath to tighten in my chest. He eyed me awkwardly and the fortress that was Guardian Belikov was back up; drawbridge, mote, and all. He shifted away from me, increasing the gap once again.

From down the hall we heard loud voices and footsteps. Alberta and Stan had likely caught up with us, and would likely find us soon.

Dimitri took a step, brushing glass off of him. The glass chimed onto the floor, like tiny misshapen bells. As I moved to follow him, I walked in front of him and looked up angrily. The room was still the dark blue tint, but we were standing in its shadows.

"I might not be a good liar, but at least I am not trying to lie to myself…" I rasped harshly.

Dimitri had been so careful not to get too close to me, and maybe he was right to try and stay away. But it was like a roller coaster with him now; one minute I felt like we might be able to coexist as friends and the next we were making out.

I turned from Dimitri and limped to the door. Before I walked out into the hall to be swarmed by guardians and teachers, I turned back toward him. He was standing still in the same place I had left him, looking out the window. I took one last look at warrior, caressed by the moonlight, that I was certain would never really be mine.

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	21. Chapter 21: So I Answered Him

**Final Chapter**

**21  
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**[So I Answered Him]**

I basically spent the whole next day and night in Kirova's office discussing the details of how Guardian Kozlov had died that evening; apparently, he had broken his neck from the fall. A real tragedy if you ask me…

We also had to identify the three guardians who had been secretly working for Kozlov and subsequently Victor Dashkov. The guardian working security at the front gate stopped them when they tried to leave suddenly last night. Ginger tried to tell Kirova that they were only following orders and that they had nothing to do with it. Lissa was called into Kirova's office earlier in the day and she explained that those guardians told her to meet me in my dorm room, which eventually led me straight into Kozlov's plan.

With two black eyes, purple marks on my neck and stitches in my arm I sat staring out Kirova's window. The trees cascading the campus seemed so frail and lifeless. But the thing that I loved about trees was that soon they would start to re-grow their leaves and eventually they would be just as strong as they were before the harsh winter weather. It was somewhat comforting to know that despite everything, they would heal and grow again.

Out of the corner of my eye I glanced over at Dimitri sitting across Kirova's desk. He stared down at his hands folded in his lap. After explaining to Kirova and the rest of the guardians what had happened the day before, Dimitri hadn't said a word. He simply nodded or shook his head when necessary.

The cut on his forehead was now patched with a small bandage, but the small cuts from the glass were still exposed.

"Miss Hathaway, I said you may now leave," Kirova scolded.

Dimitri eyed me, but then quickly looked away.

"Rose, you should get some sleep if you can. I am sure there will be more to discuss tomorrow," Alberta nodded at me with a small apologetic smile.

I strained my voice to say a small 'bye', but when nothing came out I nodded and left Kirova's office.

The sun was high in the sky which meant I should have been asleep for a few hours already. The warmth from the day kissed at my cheeks and it reminded me again that the weather would be nice soon.

I slowly trudged up the stairs and floated into my room. The orangey-yellow light transparently shone down onto the dark floors. I kicked off my shoes and changed into a loose pair of pajama shorts and a tank top. It felt good to be in comfier clothes. I lay back on my bed and pulled the covers up and tucked them under my arm as I turned onto my side. I let out a deep breath and closed my eyes.

I almost didn't believe it when a soft knock hit my door.

_No, no just a dream. No one would dare to wake me up now._

The door knocked softly again and I sat up begrudgingly.

Normally, I would have yelled at whomever it was to just go away, but my throat protested. I rolled my eyes and let my feet carry me back out of bed. _No rest for the wicked._

I reached for the handle and opened the door just a crack.

I looked up at Dimitri questioningly, but when he didn't answer, I opened the door wider to let him in. He looked like he had something on his mind, but whatever it was, the hallway wasn't the place for it apparently.

It felt weird to have Dimitri in my room. He wandered slightly and took in his surroundings, almost like he was judging the way I kept my room. Fortunately, it wasn't a complete disaster…today. He walked over to the window and leaned against the sill. I took that as my cue to get comfortable as well, so I sat down on my bed. _Here we go._

Dimitri rubbed the back of his neck and brought his eyes up to stare at me intently.

"What's up?" I asked cautiously. His gaze was enough to drive me crazy.

He shook his head and his mouth made a diagonal line. We were back to acting like nothing was weird between us; Dimitri just sat there, in my room, staring at me.

The stillness of the afternoon reminded me again of how much of a statue Dimitri had been. Not like a pillar of strength, more like a useless zen-robot; he was just going through the motions with me. If he really cared about me he wouldn't have ignored me after I was in a coma and when I was in the clinic for the miscarriage. And if he really cared about me, he wouldn't have pulled away from me last night.

I closed my eyes as the anger built. I exploded.

"Fine, I will just get right to it. Why didn't you come to see me?!" I squeaked.

He stared at me questioningly.

I cleared my throat, "You didn't show up after I was in a coma: just a stupid note threatening to expel me! And after what happened after the field exercise, you did it again! Though that time there was no note …"

I was passed the point of rational thought. I just kept yelling.

" …But at least with the note, it was something! Maybe this time you can write about how you'd rather I was dead so you won't have to feel so GUILTY every time you get too close to me!" I was surprised by my outburst, but more surprised by the sound of my voice. I sounded so small and I gritted my teeth to keep from sounding like a sick whiny child.

When Dimitri didn't say anything I kept going. "I know I messed up when I went to Spokane and I know it is most likely my fault that Mason is dead, but I don't think I deserve this! I just don't get it! One minute we are fine and the next I feel like you are just messing with my head…" I paused gesturing toward him, hoping he would explain. But he didn't.

I uncrossed my legs and leaned more in his direction, "Why have you been avoiding me, why weren't you around? You didn't even come to my Molnija ceremony! What is that!? It's like you stopped being my mentor or something… my friend even!" My emotions luckily did not betray my anger as I kept my tears at bay.

Dimitri's forehead creased and he closed his eyes, turning his head downward.

He looked up at me. I suddenly saw him change his posture and his jaw tightened, he started in a low tone, "I have been very busy since the incident in Spokane and more recently with the Guardian Kozlov's death..." He was talking in his mentor voice and that voice irritated me, especially now.

He continued, "I was pleased to hear that you have been getting better. Alberta and the other guardians were very worried. As for Mr. Ashford's death, I think you know that we all understand how you could be feeling, but like I said before it was not your fault" he said almost monotonously.

_**They **_cared? _What about him? What was he saying? He was too busy to come see me?_

My bullshit alarm was ringing loudly in my head, but I ignored it; consequently, I didn't know what to say to him.

_If this is what he wanted then I will let him have it._

"Right," I started. "Well, sorry to take up too much of your time _Guardian Belikov!_ Maybe next time I'll just let the strigoi have me … Hell, I should have just let Kozlov end it right there last night! Maybe you should go before you get rid of me yourself; then you wouldn't have anything to worry about!" I stood up gesturing toward the door.

"Rose!" Dimitri startled me. He had never shouted at me like that before.

His face was suddenly a mix of exasperation and misery and he looked around almost as if he were looking for the right thing to do or to say.

He leaned back and softly bumped the back of his head on the window and sighed.

Finally, he opened his mouth; he inhaled quickly and let out a short anxious breath as he dug around in his coat pocket. He pulled out his wallet and produced what looked like thick folded paper, "I have this picture of you… It was one you had of you and Lissa...I took it when you were in a coma…because it reminded me of how you were _before_…"

He looked up at me as he folded the picture and put it back in his wallet.

"…When I found you in Spokane I felt like I was looking at a different person. Your body was there, but that was it. Your eyes were dead…"

Dimitri's jaw tightened and his eyes closed.

"I came to the clinic every day but... I couldn't stand to see you like that… I wanted to erase that image out of my head… but I could not… I still can't …"

I could hear his Russian accent peaking through his words. His armor was coming down.

He opened his eyes to look at me, "When we were getting ready for the field exercise it felt like you were finally getting back to your old self. You seemed confident and almost happy. But then, Mr. Ashford was killed and I could see how much he meant to you. I wanted to be there for you, but I couldn't… it wouldn't have been right. And then in the clinic finding out that you had been …that you had been raped!" He stopped.

He abruptly reached to put his hands over his face.

I tried to talk but Dimitri cut me off, "I felt completely helpless! I was so **angry** that I wasn't there for you when you needed me. This was the first time I could actually do something about it." He closed his eyes momentarily.

"I saw Kozlov holding you down… and the things he said about you …I just lost all control!"

"But if you felt that way, why did you leave me in the clinic? Why??!" I asked.

Dimitri stood up from leaning on the window sill and took a few steps toward me so that he was standing right in front of me.

He looked down to encircle my wrist with his hand. "I had to leave the clinic. I almost broke down … I couldn't see you like that… And you said that Zeklos had threatened you…I wish I hadn't known that…" He was visibly upset.

His Russian accent would have normally melted me, and the fact that he had been the one who beat up Jesse sent my heart racing; however, I had to ignore those feelings because I couldn't give up on this fight. I felt betrayed.

"But if you felt that way…" I began. I looked up at him and my forehead narrowed. "Why were … are you avoiding me…why have you been pushing away from me?"

My voice was quieter than before and tears had finally started to race down my cheeks.

Dimitri took a step into me and put his hand on the side of my face; his thumb attempted to wipe the tears away.

"Rose, I wanted to. I wanted to be there, but I had spent so much of my time trying to get over you, when were in a coma…I didn't … I didn't know what to do, and I _was_ at your Molnija ceremony … I just …" he dropped his hand in frustration, sounding less like a mentor.

_But, Dimitri always knew what to do._

It seemed like he was trying to choose his words wisely, but his face told me that he gave up on whatever Zen-like-comment he was trying to think of.

He exhaled loudly and rubbed the back of his neck again.

"When you were in a coma I tried to get over you; I tried to go on like I never even knew you and I told myself that moving on was best for the both of us. But then when I thought I was losing you again in the clinic, the feelings just came rushing back. Last night when you said that I was just lying to myself, I realized that you were right."

He eyed me as if I was supposed to know what to say, but I shrugged lightly.

He took a deep breath and he reached toward me. He stroked the hair out of my face and put his hand on my cheek.

He bent his head down slightly. "Rose, somehow you've become a piece of me.." he gently caressed.

Dimitri never told me things like that and it was unlike him to just speak his mind. But then again, it still wasn't adding up.

"What about Tasha?" I blurted out in an accusatory voice. I hated talking about her, she was just so freaking mature and honorable; consequently, I was just a stupid little girl by comparison. Even though she had helped me, I was still not ready to let Dimitri be with her.

"Tasha and I… we are a smart match, I knew it from the first time I met her," he said very matter-of-fact.

I bit the inside of my cheeks. I knew Dimitri cared for me, but I also knew that the life Tasha was offering him was the best for him. I wanted Dimitri to be happy.

"…but it also wasn't right from the beginning. She was more into it than I was and I couldn't go on lying to her when…"

Dimitri leaned down and touched his forehead to mine so that I could hear him when he lowered his voice.

"… when I understand how I feel about you" he studied my expression.

_Wait. Did he tell Tasha Ozera that he didn't want to be with her?_

I pulled away and studied him, but my confused look gave me away.

"Rose… I told her I didn't love her," Dimitri noted, still trying to read my face.

I pursed my lips and I let out a small cry as the tears came back. My chin trembled as I attempted to speak. "Do you know how much it hurt," I tried to gather my thoughts, "to think … to think that you had given up on me? Like, I really thought you just gave up on me for good…"

The tears were still coming. "I felt like you were ashamed of me because I had let you down in Spokane and … then I thought it was getting back to normal, but then I messed up during the field exercise… I was trying to be strong, but I was terrified….you have _no_ idea how much I needed you. And you weren't there!" I wasn't angry anymore, I was letting go.

Dimitri's forehead furrowed deeper. He looked hurt.

"Rose…I never meant to hurt you like this. I was only trying to do the right thing. I just-"

"…I needed you…" I breathed.

I looked down and pulled my arms around myself.

"Rose"

"Rose-"

"Please look at me," Dimitri started again.

I didn't want to look at him. I was afraid of what was coming. I knew he was going to tell me that despite loving me, I was too young and that I needed to just be stronger.

I wasn't ready to be strong. Not about this.

Dimitri reached down and tilted my chin purposefully. He looked me directly in the eyes, searching between them.

"Rose I--" his indecisive look finally became determined.

Almost instantly, he pulled my face toward his, urging his soft lips upon mine. He usually didn't stand within five feet of me and here he stood, no control, not holding back. I was apprehensive at first, but I slowly gave into his kiss and closed my eyes. His lips teased mine and his hand was warm as it tangled the hair behind my neck.

Dimitri released my lips, yet still held my hair in his hand.

He looked curiously between my eyes; it was a question I had wanted him to ask so many times before, and I quickly answered him.

I grabbed a hold of the collar of his duster and pulled him on top of me onto my bed; our lips familiar and urgent as they folded into each other. His arms ensnared me and his hand behind my head was knotting my hair between his fingers again.

Dimitri's kisses were no longer as soft and they became deeper and more passionate; I could hear his breathing waver and I pressed into him. He turned his head slightly and deepened the kiss, he pulled at my bottom lip and I let his tongue caress mine. I could feel the light stubble of his face sliding against my cheek.

His arm slid from my hair and he rested his hand on the small of my back, he was tracing my skin lightly. His touch sent a familiar heat through me and for the first time since I had come out of my coma, I really felt like I was alive.

My hands moved from his collar down his hard stomach to his belt loops, using them to pull him closer to my body, as if it were possible. Heat was rising from me and Dimitri exhaled; suddenly, he broke his lips free from mine.

"Wait," he said breathing hard. We gasped heavily as we focused on each other. For that moment, it was like nothing else mattered, no one else existed. His eyes were almost hypnotizing. The yearning I felt for him had not subsided and I could tell that he felt the same about me. He was looking at me from the depths of his eyes hungrily, just like he had when I was wearing Victor Dashkov's charmed necklace. He bit at his lower lip and breathed heavily, but then he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

_Damn…_

Dimitri pulled back from me and tried to slow his breathing; my heart felt like it was about to beat out of my chest.

"I haven't felt like this since before Spokane." He inhaled quickly again.

"I heard you were going to be okay, but until I saw you last night, I didn't know how I was going to feel. It is always hard to stop myself … even though I know it is technically the right thing to do … but that can not take away the things I feel… I don't think I can look at this the same…"

"Dimitri I--"

"… and Roza … I can't fight how I feel anymore … I _will not_ live without you," he said leaning back onto me, kissing softly at my neck and moving back to my lips. I closed my eyes.

My breath caught short in my chest and for that moment words seemed superfluous. I leaned in and kissed him deeply and slowly; he put his hand back to my face circling the skin just under my eye with his thumb.

I knew that Dimitri wasn't always great at saying how he felt, but in that moment I knew exactly what he was trying to say. I pulled my face a fraction of an inch away from him, and whispered letting my lips tease his while I spoke.

"I love you too Comrade…"

I felt his lips move into a smile and he kissed me gently before enfolding me into his body with his arms. His embrace felt good; I felt like I was exactly where I belonged.

I exhaled slowly.

Dimitri rolled off of my bed and onto his feet; he pulled my hands gently, enticing me to stand on the bed in front of him. At 6'7", he was only a little shorter than I was when I stood there. He pulled his arms around me and looked up.

"We're going to have to make sure this line does not blur for a while longer - or at least until you graduate… I am still your mentor…"

He kissed at my neck again playfully.

I put my hand through his hair and rested my arms on his shoulders.

"Sounds like it's going to be a tough couple of months," I laughed quietly.

"Yeah, well as long as you don't get near my belt loops…" he pulled at the tops of my shorts mockingly. "…I think we will be okay," he eyed me with a smirk.

I gave him my famous man-eating smile and I bit my lip playfully. I knew I had gotten him good.

"…and as long as you don't look at me like –_that_!" he ended breathlessly, almost pleading.

"I make no promises," I said flirtatiously.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"I'm in trouble…" Dimitri laughed as he lifted me down; I walked him to the door.

There was nothing left to say between us, yet for the first time, in a long time, the silence was comforting. There were so many things I knew we wanted to say to each other, but it would have to wait.

I walked Dimitri to my door and stared at him as he started to walk away. I think watching him do just about anything was one of my favorite hobbies.

"Hey…" I called quietly. He turned with a questioning look on his face.

"I knew a picture thief had been in my room!" I eyed him placing my hands on my hips trying to seem angry, but my smile gave me away.

Dimitri shrugged and looked at me with a slightly guilty smile playing on his face. I loved the way he looked at me and I couldn't help but stare at him. I wanted to remember exactly how I felt in this moment; I felt whole again.

I smiled back at him and nodded slightly.

Before he turned to walk toward the stairs, Dimitri smiled again and shot me a sly wink that sent a chill up my spine and sent my heart racing.

I reluctantly closed the door behind me and wandered back to my bed.

The blankets still smelled like him and I took a deep breath as I tucked myself in again. I wasn't satisfied, but I was definitely happy. Despite all of the things that had gone wrong in the last few months, I felt like I would be okay as long as he loved me.

Just like the trees outside of Kirova's office, I felt like I could be strong again.

Just before I drifted off to sleep I made a silent wish that, even though I had to wait awhile before turning eighteen, I would find more excuses for Dimitri to come visit me in my room.

* * *

**[ Thanks again to my beta, chattgirl4. Besos to you!]**

**[Thank you to all of you who have stuck by this story since its inception. It was intended as a one-shot and because of YOU it is now a complete (and somewhat long) story. I love all of the reviews even though some of you doubted that Dimitri would ever be honest with Rose (tisk tisk, ye of little faith ;] ). I love Dimitri too much… /le sigh]**

**xoxo**

**rr**

**PS: Currently contemplating 'No Time to Heal' DPOV. Is this something we want?**


	22. Chapter 22: DPOV PREVIEW

**1**

**[Stay With Me]**

I turned on my heel, looking in every direction; suddenly, a noise caught my attention and without a thought, I ran in search for it. I couldn't tell what the noise was, but then I heard it again and I was suddenly standing in front of a room. I don't know why, but I just understood that I had to get inside. Before I knew, it I was standing in the room, broken pieces of wood around me without memory of breaking the door down. I didn't need to scan the room; I immediately targeted a dark form and slammed into it. Usually, I didn't act as impetuously but I was almost blinded by the hate and rage I felt welling up inside me. I remember questioning what person could elicit such a gut reaction.

We landed hard against the wall, ducking in and out of each others' hits. He slammed my body, bashing my head into the wall with a loud _BANG! _I jumped up and threw him clear across the room into the opposite wall loudly; _BANG!_ The noise was strange because of how loud it was; however, every blow radiated though my head.

I made a move that sent my opponent flying and I jumped on top of him to pin him into the floor, his face still covered in darkness.

"…Belikov!"

A strange echoing voice stirred from somewhere behind me and I turned.

Nothing. No one was there.

Regaining focus, I turned back to look into the face my adversary when the voice beckoned me again.

"Belikov!!"

I sat up suddenly in a haze and I looked around cautiously, but no one was there any longer. I blinked trying to clear my head. I wasn't in that strange room now, I was in my own room. Slowly I realized that it was just a dream; however, it had not been just any dream. This one was recurring. They always started the same, I would fight Strigoi and eventually I would fight one-on-one with someone. The strangest part was that I had an odd feeling that I knew who that '_someone_' was, but the dream always ended before I could catch a glimpse of the face. The only difference in that dream was the loud banging.

_Bang!Bang!Bang! _

"Guardian Belikov! Wake up!" The echoing voice from before was now piercing my ears through the heavy wooden door.

I jumped up and pulled a sweatshirt over my head, leaving the hood over my head, as I walked to the door. Luckily I had been wearing pants instead of just boxer briefs due to the chill left in the air from winter.

I opened the door and looked down; Guardian Hathaway stood about a foot in front of me. Despite her size she was one of the most highly respected guardians; whatever reason she had for waking me was presumably a good one.

"We've found them! Be ready in ten minutes, we are boarding the plane for Spokane," she said walking away quickly.

I stood there momentarily stunned by the orders I had just been given, but then I realized what it was that she was telling me.

They found them.

They had found_ her._

_

* * *

_**Check out the rest: **http:// www .fanfiction .net /s/5131475/1/ Without_You (take out the spaces)


	23. Chapter 23: Daydream

**23**

**Daydream**

Life was seemingly getting back to normal after the situation with Kozlov. I knew that his death would not be the end of Victor Dashkov's attempts to use Lissa, but I figured it might slow him down for a little while at least.

When Christian found out that Lissa had come close to "the enemy", as he called him, he refused to leave Lissa's side. Despite his attention making me feel a little better about Lissa's safety, it also meant that slipping into Lissa's head would be too graphic for my taste. I liked being close to my best friend, but not _that_ close.

Tasha Ozera had gone back to wherever it was that she came from. She said that she had some sort of business to take care of, but I knew that she was leaving because of Dimitri. I hated to admit it … _okay that was a lie_… I actually like to admit the fact that Dimitri had denied her because of me.

After telling me how he felt, I figured things between us would get complicated; but like usual, Dimitri shifted into his mentor state quickly and training sessions were back to normal. We worked pretty well together, considering everything. I could tell that there were times when we got a little too close or maybe he brushed up against me a certain way that I could tell that the fire lingered between us.

I used every bit of will power to maintain distance and keep my head in my training.

My will power had been proven weak as of late…

"Rose!" Lissa called across the cafeteria.

Anytime of the day that required food was one of my favorites, second only to training.

I sat down across from Lissa and Christian who had already demolished most of their food.

"We would have waited for you, but you're twenty minutes late…" Christian said grabbing his milk and chugging half of it down.

"Sorry, training ran late this morning," I said shrugging.

Lissa took her napkin out of her lap and scrunched it up before she tossed it onto her plate.

"Well, I guess it shouldn't be a big surprise…seems like the last few weeks Belikov has been riding you pretty hard…"

I looked up at her. "What?" Lissa's comment caught me off guard, but luckily, Christian cut in.

"-Yeah, I've seen you running the track. Seems like you should be able to take on every Strigoi by yourself by the time Belikov is done with you… hah… or at least out run them…"

_Heh…_ I smiled.

"Yeah … well … all part of being Lissa's kickass guardian…" I said trying to brush it off and push the images of Dimitri and me, together, out of my head.

"-well, I seriously doubt Rose needs _that_ much training, but what do I know?" Adrian said as he sat down next to me. He slid close to me in the bench and threw his arm around me. As usual, he smelled slightly of smoke and alcohol; today it was more of a beer-y smell.

"Have some beer for breakfast, again? What was it, Beerios?" I joked.

Adrian ignored my quip, "Something seems a bit … wrong… about it. I don't quite know why…"

"…I don't think we can really judge the training Rose does. We can't really put ourselves in her shoes; she has been doing this her whole life…" Lissa said somewhat absently as she sorted through her book-bag.

I gave Adrian a smug smile, which he returned.

"Oh, I'm sure I could speculate…" he started and smiled more cantankerously.

I kicked him silently in the shin, causing his teeth to grit and his eyes to close.

"What was that?" I said with a wider smile.

He exhaled and managed to forge a similar smile. "Nothing…" He took his arm down from around me.

"… By the way, they have doughnuts and chocolate milk today. I figured I would come over here and tell you before …"

But I was up and moving across the cafeteria as he trailed off. Breakfast was the most important meal of the day, after all.

Last one, mine. I grabbed the last chocolate, sprinkled, doughnut and stuffed it into a napkin.

"Aren't you afraid those are going to make you fat?"

I looked over to see Jesse Zeklos staring at the empty tray and then back to me.

"No. I do what I want… got a problem with that?" I said raising my voice slightly.

Jesse exhaled loudly through his nose, "No, I guess I don't…"

"Good," I said somewhat surprised. I eyed him suspiciously.

Jesse and I had not got along since he and Ralf told the entire school that I had slept with them. Mason had even gotten in a fight with Jesse and Ralf over me; however, to make things worse, Jesse came to my room to threaten me after Mason was killed.

Let's just say he had a long conversation with Dimitri's fists and hadn't really said a word to me since.

"Well," he said grabbing an apple and throwing it into his backpack, "see ya later…".

He turned and walked away, just like that.

He had said it as if nothing had transpired between us in the last few months. I shook my head.

'_See ya later'?_ I mouthed to myself.

"Rose?"

A silky voice startled me out of my daze and I looked up.

Dimitri stood more than three feet away from me, which was standard for public spaces.

"Rose?"

I shook my head again.

"I… uh… yes…I mean… what?" I let my eyebrows knit together.

He smirked slightly, letting his hands fall into the pockets of his duster. "What's wrong?"

"What? Nothing. I'm perfectly fine. Just momentarily distracted…"

"I can see that… you were talking to yourself and you have an uneaten doughnut in your hand…" he nodded his head toward the pastry.

I looked down to see the chocolate doughnut slightly melting onto the enveloping napkin.

"Oh!" I said, "No worries… …" I picked off a huge chunk and threw it into my mouth, licking my fingers and smiling. "Nothing will keep me from this", I smacked, still licking my fingers.

Dimitri rolled his eyes, "Well, thank God for that. I was _thoroughly_ worried that you would go without a doughnut today and then who knows what would happen…"

I shook my head trying to maintain a serious face, "No one wants to know what would happen … trust me…"

I picked off another huge piece of my doughnut.

"I guess not… Now you don't have any excuses for practice later." he said lightheartedly. He turned and started to walk away, but I stepped into stride with him.

"I'm sure I can come up with something if I had to," I said derisively.

I could tell Dimitri was trying to hide the smirk playing on his lips. It felt good that Dimitri was more of himself around me as of late.

Plus, his smile basically made me melt into puddle.

"Where we off to, Comrade?" I said throwing the remnants of the doughnut into my mouth.

"_We_, are not going anywhere. _You_, are going to class. I have some paper work to do…" He said as we walked out of the dining hall and outside.

"Paper work? Since when are you a desk-job-guardian?"

He eyed me, "All guardians have to do research once in a while. Keeps us up-to-date with other guardians, Moroi, Royals… things of that nature…"

"That sounds awful… I'll just hire me a secretary to do all of that stuff. I just want to protect Lissa." I said brushing crumbs off of my jacket.

Dimitri stopped and I looked back at him.

"Rose, I am protecting Lissa…I am trying to prevent further incidents like the one with Dashkov and Kozlov," he said a little more seriously.

"Guardians do a lot of work behind the scenes… and behind a desk…"

I made a sickened face, "On second thought, I think I am going to class".

"That's what I thought," he said as he walked passed me.

The rest of the day was a giant yawn as usual. Classes dragged by and I was finally at lunch a few hours later.

Christian recounted his day, so far, to Lissa, who listened intently. I, on the other hand played with my food, staring outside.

It had started to rain earlier in our day, which meant that training with Dimitri would have to stay in the gym. As of late, indoor trainings were great.

"My stance isn't too open, you're just being picky!" I jabbed in aggravation.

Dimitri had been so nit-picky today it was making me crazy.

"It is my job to be picky, Rose." Dimitri helped me off the mat and settled into attack stance once again. I eyed him indignantly and folded my arms across my chest.

"Well, you don't have to be quite so annoying about it…" I said harrumphing loudly.

Dimitri didn't change his stance; however, he gestured for me to come at him with his fingertips.

I charged.

I let my emotions get the best of me and I spun into a kick and threw my body into his. He deflected easily, but I was relentless. Blow after blow we deflected each other's moves. Dimitri ducked a right hook, but did not foresee my left jabbing upward into his ribs. Slightly staggering, Dimitri seemed to finally understand that I wasn't going to play nicely and he pulled his hair back into the tie he had around his wrist.

Lowering his body he stared at me through the depths of his eyes.

He smirked just before he pounced. He didn't make contact with his first hit, but the second, third and definitely fourth pounded into me. Just as I had been relentless, he was showing me what endurance really meant.

The few hits I made seemed like a small gnat running into a window. I was not making any progress, but Dimitri was. I blocked a lot of his punches, dodged and even matched a few of the blows he sent my way. He was getting a lot more hits, but I wasn't going down without a fight.

I landed a kick to the same side as before, which made him wince slightly.

Finally, I saw my moment. Dimitri then missed a blow that I assumed to be his finishing move, which left me a moment to counter it.

I lunged forward striking with my right arm.

Dimitri let my momentum carry me long enough for him lift me, and to slam me into mat behind him.

"Ow…"

The bright gym lights blinded me as I looked up from the floor, so I closed them. More likely I closed them in defeat.

"Dimitri: 5 million; Rose: 10 … okay 2, but I was close a bunch of those times…" I said flailing my arms next to me in frustration.

My voice echoed across the gym and when I didn't hear anything I opened one eye and peeked over to Dimitri.

He was leaning against the wall with both hands, breathing deeply. His breath was ragged.

I sat up, pushing myself off the ground and slowly walked over to him.

I leaned my head against the wall next to him so I could see his face. His eyes were closed.

"Dimitri?" I said in a small voice.

He exhaled and started to laugh lightly.

Baffled I continued to stare at him as he laughed a little more.

"Hey … Lzhedmitriy! Earth calling…" I said a little worried.

He turned to look at me with a look of bemusement.

"How do you know who Lzhedmitriy is?"

"He was a guardian from Moscow who turned Strigoi back in the 80's-"

"-90's…"

"Whatever… He went crazy and killed like ten people before they caught him," I said satisfied that I had retained something from my European Guardian History class.

"… and you think I went crazy?"He asked, his face still slightly amused. "Rose, I was pretty sure you had me just then. If you hadn't opened your stance up, like I have been saying, you probably would have…"

"Oh," … _Well, that sucks._

Dimitri turned to face me, but he hunched over making a hissing sound through his teeth. He wrapped his arm around his side and looked up at me.

"You did manage to crack a rib or two, I think…"

My eyes got wide.

Dimitri lifted the side of his shirt slightly, just enough to see the redness of his skin.

"Yeah, it's pretty swollen," He prodded lightly with his finger. "… and tender" his voice cracked. Damn sexy.

I took a step into him turning my head to look at it, but my eyes started to wander.

Ordinarily, Dimitri's body was something to behold, but with his shirt off it was hard to ignore the perfect build of him. His abs were perfectly cut and led down to the amazing muscles that protrude just above the start of his track pants. Drool.

I reached up slowly and placed my thumb just under the redness of his chest.

"Does it hurt a lot?" I asked letting my mouth bend ruefully.

Dimitri was looking down at me, some of the hair falling in front of his face.

"No, I'm fine," He said gruffly.

I started to trace the indentations of his muscles, "I'm sorry".

All Dimitri did was shake his head.

Taking my other hand, he pulled me closer to him so that there was no space between us.

I felt his desire in his gaze as my hand caressed his skin again.

I could feel the reverberations of his heart booming in his chest when he lifted my chin and leaned down to–

-"Rose, what are you thinking about?" Lissa's voice snapped me back to the present.

"I was thinking about stuff for class. Just trying to remember what I need to do for homework…" I said without missing a beat.

Christian raised his eyebrows, "1: When do you ever think of school? B: When do you smile while thinking about school, and 3: It's Friday…"

"B's not a number, babe…" Lissa suggested scooting out of the seat.

"That wasn't the point," He said sliding out after her.

Lissa waved to me and continued listening to Christian as he followed her out into the rain.

I exhaled. Thinking about Dimitri was starting to get me into some trouble; however, I felt a little giddy hoping that I would have more to daydream about after training tonight.

* * *

**So, I was thinking that NTTH shouldn't be a completed story just yet. :] I'll add more when I can; not based upon # of reviews.**

** If you have not read my DPOV of this story, 'Without You', I suggest you check it out in the meantime.**

**Besos to the readers !**

**rr  
**


	24. Chapter 24: Distracted

**24**

**[Distracted]**

After a few days of rain, the moon finally peaked through the clouds. The streams of light cascaded throughout campus and I sighed heavily, knowing I still had hours until I could go back outside.

Waiting for class to begin, I was doodling in the margin of my notebook. This was one of the few classes that I didn't have with Lissa, which meant that I had to entertain myself. Hopefully, I would stay awake.

I heard the person in front of me sink into the desk, but then slowly turn around to face me. Looking up, I was surprised to see Jesse staring right back at me.

"Hey Rose, um …" Jesse said in a low voice as he looked around.

I eyed him questioningly, but then looked back down to the swirled lines on my paper.

"Well…" he started.

"Spit it out, Zeklos …" I said slightly monotonously, still facing my paper.

He cleared his throat and I looked back up at him.

" I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about all of the shit that happened to you before, and … that I am sorry about what I said to you about Ashford…" His face was contrite.

Suspicion filled my face and it grew into a snarky comment.

"Come up with this on our own did we? What are you getting at?"

"Look…" He said almost in a whisper, moving his head closer to my own. "… I shouldn't have said what I did about Ashford… I was just being an asshole …. and this has nothing to do with the …_discussion_… I had with the Siberian brute squad," He said slightly annoyed.

I tried to suppress a laugh, but was surprised again when Jesse smirked and laughed a little with me.

When I had told Dimitri that Jesse had threatened me after Mason died, Dimitri made it clear to Jesse that he would not be giving me any more trouble. By that, I mean he put Jesse in the infirmary for a week.

"So, like I said… I acted like a total douche-bag and I'm sorry…" Jesse let out a giant exhale.

An apology.

"…Well, thanks… I guess…" I said wishing for the millionth time that I could do that cool eyebrow thing Dimitri did on occasion.

Jesse laughed, "Don't look so weirded-out, Hathaway. I know it's not every day that someone has to apologize to _you_, but give me a little credit. We were friends at one point…"

"Yeah, but if I recall correctly, someone …. Now… I don't know who, exactly," I leaned onto my fist and looked up at the ceiling, pretending to wrack my brain. "… someone kind of ruined that by starting rumors about me…"

My derisiveness had not been beyond Jesse. He leaned back a little in his chair, nodding.

"Fair enough, but I'm trying to make amends here…start over kinda thing…" He shrugged and looked up as the professor entered the room. His smile was almost hopeful as he turned to face the front.

I sat there staring at the back of Jesse's head, feeling a little dumbfounded. Jesse apologized to me, possibly unprompted at that. Either he was up to something or he genuinely felt bad for what he had said and done in the last few months. I had no way of knowing. I didn't know what he had to gain by apologizing…

I shrugged.

Stranger things have happened. And he was right. We actually had fun together a few times. Before Lissa and I had run away to Portland, Jesse and I were close. We always went to the same parties and I could always keep up with he and his friends when they were drinking. Sometimes we just had fun talking, while other times were more of a clothing-optional kind of fun. I had admitted at one point that he was definitely hot … for a Moroi.

"Rosemarie … helloooo…"

I jerked my head to the professor standing at the front of the room, arms crossed tightly across her chest.

I blinked and smiled innocently, "hi".

Which received a few laughs from around the room.

She rolled her eyes, bringing her hand up to press on her forehead. "Were you listening, at all?"

I could tell by her exasperation that I hadn't needed to answer her, but then the words just started pouring out.

"I'll be honest with you, which I think you should consider admirable by the way, I was distracted and" I didn't have enough time to think of an elaborate story, "… no… I was not listening…"

The scowl on her face told me she was not amused; however, she turned her head back to the blackboard, starting back up with her lecture.

At the end of class, I was packing my bag when Jesse turned to me again.

"Don't worry, I wasn't listening either… shouldn't daydream about me so often Hathaway," He smiled crookedly as he grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder as he walked away.

"You caught me," I called out behind him.

Shaking my head, I finished packing my stuff.

"Rosemarie, thank you for volunteering to help me file after classes today, " I looked up to meet the gaze of my professor once again.

"I would _love_ to, but I have training," I said walked toward the door.

"Well that works for me too, I will look forward to seeing you after your training then," She smiled indignantly. My smile was less enthusiastic as I nodded and left.

The rest of my day was guaranteed to be exciting…

After classes and training AND filing stupid papers, I went to Lissa's dorm, which meant I was going to have to see Christian too.

Overall, I knew that Christian wasn't a bad guy. In Spokane he had really stepped up when I needed him to and for that I was eternally grateful. If I could just erase the times I had seen him naked, through the bond, I might enjoy his company.

I realized that it was funny that Lissa and I should come with some dating warning. If you date Lissa, Rose will know about it; one of the few downsides to our bond.

"Come in!" Lissa gushed, pulling me into a hug.

I looked over to Christian and I nodded, which he mimicked and returned his gaze to the TV.

"Jeeez Liss, it's not like I saw you for breakfast, lunch or dinner practically every day since we met… I mean, don't take it the wrong way. I'm glad you're excited to see me … but…"

Lissa glared at me and shook her head, "I'm excited to see you because I have something awesome to tell you! We get to go shopping again!" She put her hand on my elbow and moved me to the window.

"Do you see all of that snow out there?" She asked looking back at my face.

"Uh… no," I looked around slightly confused. I didn't see anything that resembled snow.

"That's because spring is coming, which means I need new clothes, which subsequently means that YOU need new clothes too!" She said grinning widely.

The expression on my face caused Lissa's to diminish substantially. I wished then that I had plastered a fake smile onto my face just for her sake.

"…Rose, what happened to you? You used to love shopping… even the last time we went you bought enough turtle necks to live in Siberia for a month without having to wear the same outfit twice…"

She looked me up and down. I realized I was wearing sweats from training and an oversized sweatshirt; one Dimitri had let me wear the night of the lust charm. One that I would never let go.

"Okay, fine. Shopping actually sounds pretty good right now. I had been eyeing this top I saw online last week…" I resigned.

Lissa's smile quickly returned and she threw her arms around my neck.

"Okay, we are leaving early next Saturday, and I cleared it with Kirova and Guardian Belikov so you can miss training-"

"-Dimitri's not coming?" I said trying not to sound completely upset about it.

"No, I guess he couldn't get the time off or something… All I know is that Alberta and Yuri are coming and we can be there all day since its Saturday," Lissa fluttered to her closet.

"- and we definitely need to get something for the spring dance coming up," she looked over at Christian with a wide smile. He returned a replica of her smile, but you could just tell he was only excited because Lissa was. I started to think Christian and I had a lot more in common that I thought.

After talking about shopping and getting dressed up for a dance I was more than ready when I realized I only had a little bit of time to get back to my own room.

The quad was relatively quiet since most students had been in their rooms for hours. The chill was still lingering in the air, but the cloud coverage made the night seem much more gloomy than necessary.

"Woah !" I slammed into a dark form in front of me; grasping toward it to keep from slipping and falling. I stabilized; the smell of cigarettes brought me out of my start.

"Little Dhampir," he said looking down at me. His arm had wrapped around me protectively to keep me from falling; it lingered momentarily, but he removed it, stepping back.

"- I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't paying attention..." it seemed he hadn't seen me coming either.

I brushed it off, "Well, I guess we should both watch where we are going when we are walking around in the dark…" I broke off. A thought crossed my mind. "Where are you going anyway?"

I could tell he wasn't quite paying attention to me, maybe he had skipped his after dinner drink.

"I was just talking a walk, like I do," He said glancing around behind me.

I looked back, expecting to see something he was looking at, but nothing was there.

"…and apparently also being cryptic and half-baked … " I looked up at him and his gaze finally held mine.

"Better question, what are you doing out here? Where were you?" He looked a little more serious.

"Jeeez, I was just with Lissa and now I am going back to my room," I turned to walk and Adrian followed.

"You didn't answer my question," I glanced over, shoving my hands in the big sweatshirt pockets.

"I did, I said I was out walking."

"I guess I never had you pegged as someone who enjoyed exercise… drinking games? Yes. Leisurely walk? No…" I mused.

He stopped just at the bottom of the stairs leading to the Dhampir dorms, "How else am I going to 'accidentally' run into you in the late evening?" He smiled surreptitiously.

"Hah…" I turned and walked the rest of the way up the stairs alone. "I should have known this had more to do with some scheme than peripheral leisure walks…"

"…and stop staring at my ass…" I called back over my shoulder.

Adrian 's deep laugh behind me diminished, "good night little-dhampir, sweet dreams".

I turned to give him another snarky remark and sarcastic expression, but he was gone.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Would love for some feedback :] Let me know if it is something I should continue or not.**

**besos**


	25. Chapter 25: Tension

**25**

**[Tension]**

The week seemed to move slower than usual and to be honest; I was starting to look forward to the trip to the mall with Lissa. It seemed like a chance to get away from classes, and actually do some real guardian work. Plus, I might get some clothes out of the deal.

After school, I was throwing my books into my locker when Jesse leaned into my peripheral.

"Hey," he said with a light smile.

"Hey, yourself…"

"A couple of us are going to watch a movie on Saturday night, and Ralf has a stash of booze he was going to break out, maybe some weed. So, I was just wondering if you wanted to come with me." Jesse pushed his hand through his hair.

"Are you … asking me out? Cuz, I don't really do _dates_…"

"Okay, fine. It doesn't have to be a date, per se. Just think of it as a kickback, with a couple of other people… and you and me"

" Plus," I cut him off, still slightly perturbed. "I don't think I have ever seen you ask someone out before. Isn't it a little beneath you to beg like this?" I said wryly.

"Maybe I haven't really been interested enough in anyone… before."

_Um, what?_

"You aren't serious," I said slamming my locker and turning to walk down the hall.

"I'm not hearing a 'no'," Jesse said next to me.

"No".

I could tell he was slightly amused by my quick retort.

"Really? You're turning me down; just like that?"

"Just like that," I stopped walking. "Besides, I won't even be around. Lissa and I are going to the mall in Missoula on Saturday, we will be gone most of the human day."

"The mall? You'd rather go to the mall, than hang out with me?" He threw his head back. "I see how it is, it's fine…" He sighed, dramatically. "I can take a hint, I'll just go mend my broken heart elsewhere," he walked ahead of me and down the hall.

"Jesse-" I laughed as I called to him, but he threw his hand up, indicating that he didn't' want to hear it.

That boy surprised me at every turn. It was almost like how we used to be. Flirty, fun, slight sexual tension…

I turned to walk down the hall to my class, but found Lissa staring straight at me.

"Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?" She asked looking me up and down.

I eyed her questioningly.

"What were you doing talking to Jesse Zeklos?" She folded her arms across her chest.

"Oh, that. He wanted to know if I wanted to hang with him and a few of the other guys on Saturday, but we're going to the mall…"

Lissa snickered, "…As if you would even consider it. Did he just suddenly come up and start talking to you?"

"Yes, well … no… I mean, we've talked a couple times in the last few weeks. Before class and stuff…"

"Seriously? I thought you hated him."

At one point, I thought so too, "Well, he sort of apologized to me and since then he's been okay… pretty normal even."

Lissa still wasn't convinced, "Well… whatever … anyway … that wasn't why I was looking for you."

She paused, and was staring at me until I heard her through the bond.

"_Have you seen the hot new guy, yet?"  
_ I shook my head.

"_He dropped in, on my Basics of Elemental Control class this morning and…" _

Lissa's eyes caught something behind me and I turned to look.

It was like a scene from a movie, minus the wind machine.

The tall figure striding down the hallway was one I had never seen before. Muscular, sandy blond hair and … Moroi?

I quickly turned back to Lissa and she waggled her eyebrows, "_Like I said", _she thought.

When I turned around he was already gone and an insane amount of girlie chatter erupted throughout the hallway. I motioned for Lissa to follow me.

I sat on top of a stone table outside, Lissa on the bench.

"So?" I begged excitedly.

Lissa laughed, "Alexander"

"You mean the future Mr. Hathaway –" I said as Lissa laughed again.

"From what I heard from the other Moroi, he's 20 and he basically has nothing to do because he is a royal. So he just came to hang out".

"Royal?"

"Yeah, he's a Zeklos. Which is why I was surprised when you hadn't seen or heard about him. You and Jesse being BFF and all…" Lissa shrugged.

I shrugged back.

"Good timing though. I bet you have more of a reason to consider going to the dance now.."

"Psh, yeah, me and everyone else," I said lightly, playing with leaves that had fallen from the tree above.

"Well, if not him who else would you go with?"

Dimitri. It was that simple. No hesitation, no second thoughts. If I could go with anyone to the dance it would be him. He would probably look amazing in a suit… he pretty much looks amazing in anything… or nothing…

"Shit!" I grabbed my bag off the table

"What?" Lissa called from behind me as I took off in a run.

"Dimitri is going to kill me!" I shouted back. I was mentally kicking myself already. I never have time to hang out after school because of practice.

I ran down the quad and across the lawn toward the gym, and rounded the corner toward the door.

Aagh! For the second time in a week, I ran straight into someone, but this time that someone felt like a brick wall and I was looking up from the ground when I realized what had happened.

"You weren't chasing me, were you?" I looked over to see Alexander Zeklos looming above of me.

"Why would you think I was chasing you?" I said trying to sit up.

Alexander quickly knelt down and helped me sit the rest of the way up.

"Well, I was being followed by a group of girls and so I ran just to get away from them. So, you could have easily been one of them, and by the way you were running…" He broke off.

I was just staring into his blue-green eyes as he spoke and I hadn't really realized that he had stopped talking.

"No" I started.

His light smile engrossed me.

"No, I mean, I wasn't chasing you." I managed.

He studied my face momentarily and his smile grew, "Well, in your case, I might not have minded." He put his hand out to me, palm up.

"Alexander Zeklos," He said bending and placing a small kiss on the back of my hand. "But you can call me Alex."

"Rose," Dimitri's voice echoed just inside the gym doorway.

I looked to Dimitri and then back to Alex, "Yeah, I'm late for practice."

Alex helped me to stand, his strong hand lingered on mine.

"It was nice to meet you, Rose" He said nodding his head slightly.

I smiled and walked toward the doorway where Dimitri still stood. Dimitri's eyes lingered on Alex as I walked by, but he simply closed the door after me.

I changed quickly into my workout clothes and started my stretches. Without a word from Dimitri I set out onto the track and ran the usual two miles, keeping a fast pace. When I was done, I went back into the gym, where Dimitri had one practice dummy set up in the middle of the room.

"While mastering your skills is one of the most important steps to being a guardian, keeping a clear head is vital. If you cannot maintain focus in tough situations, your skills will not be efficient." He said flatly.

I nodded at him and then he told me to stand directly in front of the dummy. Suddenly the lights went out in the gym, and even with good Dhampir vision, the dummy was a mix of shadows.

"Okay, so I can't necessarily see very well, but it's a dummy. He's not really going anywhere-" I called out into the large, dark, space.

"And you are to keep it that way!" Dimitri's voice called from behind me.

I turned, hoping I could catch his movement.

"What?" I threw my hands up.

"Guard him," his voice boomed again, this time from my left.

_What?!_

It was then that the echo of Dimitri's voice was drowned out by the speakers positioned around the gym.

I could barely see, and now I could not hear anything but the adrenaline pumping music, now moving in sync with my heart.

I backed up, knowing the dummy was somewhere behind me.

The back of my shoe struck something solid and I felt the frame of the dummy. I knew I had to keep it to my back if I was going to defend it, so I took a few steps forward, trying to listen, feel, whatever I could do.

Just before it struck me, I saw Dimitri's fist extend toward me, hitting me directly in the side. It wasn't a hard hit, but it definitely caught me off-guard. I reached back toward the blackness, hoping to catch Dimitri, but he was already gone.

A shove from behind me sent me sprawling forward to the ground, but I quickly pushed myself back up, trying to regain my bearings.

Luckily, I found the dummy once again and set out in front of it.

I stood, suspended in time, just waiting. Waiting for Dimitri to make a move that I could counter. I was ready. My breath stopped in my chest.

"You'd be dead already" the deep voice whispered warmly on the back of my neck. A chill ran up my spine.

I turned a low kick, trying to catch him but he was already gone.

In my position, I realized that Dimitri would be expecting me to be running around like a chicken with her head cut off. When really, he was probably just as blind as I was and he was making slower moves to find me. I went on the offensive.

Crouching lower in my stance I took a few steps one way and then the other and I realized that the floor below the mats had a slight give to them; a movement I could feel.

When I felt it again on my right, I lunged, grabbing Dimitri by the arm, then the other, trying to pull him to the floor.

Being Dimitri, he quickly slithered out of my grasp, but I moved again quickly slamming him, and me, into the floor.

The song ended, the echoes of silence returning within the darkness.

I could hear Dimitri's breathing ragged in his chest as I struggled above him, trying to pin him down long enough to pretend to stake him. Then I remembered his ribs that I had already bruised in practice. I pressed my knee bluntly into his side, making him grunt lowly.

I raised my fist before staking him, but was surprised when Dimitri threw me off of him. I landed with a crack, and he rolled over on top of me.

My arms were pinned to my side and Dimitri's torso and legs anchored my own.

Dimitri pushed his face into the hollow of my neck, pretending to bite me. Letting his teeth graze my slick skin. A Strigoi bite would likely feel a lot less hot.

Dimitri's breath heated my skin and my heart thudded below his.

"I'm sorry", I whispered softly.

"For what?" he whispered back huskily, pushing up to his hands.

"I was late for practice and then it looked like I was trying to talk to that guy."

I heard him let out a breathy laugh, "You _were _talking to that guy."

"But I mean, only because he was helping me up, because I ran into him-- because I was late --and in a hurry… not because I was trying to get his number or something…"

"hmm… I don't know…that's not what it looked like to me…"

"Plus, I'm not really on the market." I said, trying to ignore Dimitri's lower body still leaning on mine.

"No? Well, damn. Who is this guy who took you off the market?" He said leaning back down to my neck."...I'll kill him"

I inhaled deeply.

"Oh, I don't think you know him," I said as Dimitri planted lingering kisses up to my ear.

"No?" he whispered. "Well, what is he like?"

Dimitri nibbled at the base of my ear, which sent my eyes rolling to the back of my head.

"Well," I panted. "He's tall, body like a Greek god, devastatingly handsome, sexy-"

Dimitri moved his mouth onto my own, urging my tongue with his slowly.

He broke off, leaving me breathing heavily. "Are you sure I don't know this guy, sounds familiar…"

I smiled defiantly, happy he couldn't see my face in the dark.

"You guys are complete opposites, I don't know how you would".

Dimitri pushed his weight onto me. His kiss was heated as he slid his body against mine. I could feel the pressing excitement.

His hands no longer by my side, slid my tank top just above my stomach as he caressed my hips, my abs – pushing my tank top up and over my shoulders.

* * *

**Hey lovers; the song I pictured during the fight as 'Black Spider Save Your Life' - Warp Brothers Remix. If you have any suggestions for a different song, let me know :]**

**Thank you again to the readers and reviewers. I love writing and I love reading responses. Thanks for the tips, requests, and suggestions. **

**Love it!**

**besos**

**rr**

**PS: My tracker isn't working on any of my stories, so I don't even know if people are reading them :[ ugh! Please review.  
**


	26. Chapter 26: Shopping

**26**

**[Shopping]**

A rush of sharp pain exploded and I let out a small shriek.

Dimitri released me suddenly, picking up all of his weight and moving next to me.

"What?" He begged.

"My shoulder…" I grit my teeth, trying to alleviate the pain in some way.

I felt him get up; he flicked the gym lights on and jogged back.

Dimitri moved apprehensively to his knees next to me and helped me to my feet. His chocolate brown eyes were cautious as they searched mine, his cheeks slightly pink.

"When I went to raise it, the pain was just really sharp," I said still clutching my shoulder with my hand.

"Well, maybe I was a little too rough," Dimitri said apologetically.

I grabbed the top of his track pants with my good arm, pulling him closer to me.

"Well, maybe I like it that way sometimes," I leaned on my toes and pulled his mouth to mine. Through the kiss, I felt him smile.

"I'll keep that in mind," he pulled away.

He grabbed my bag and said that he would walk me to the clinic.

The broken collarbone turned into just a sore arm after Lissa heard about it. She decided to heal me once she thought it might hurt our chances of going to the mall. She even told me to 'suck it up' when I said it was still sore. Apparently, Lissa's love for the mall was not something one should mess with.

Friday night finally came, which meant I had to get to sleep earlier so that we could be at the mall during part of the human day. This made a Strigoi attack much less likely and it meant that Alberta and Yuri could relax a little, letting Lissa and I talk.

The next morning I was sitting on the curb waiting for the van; I had forgotten how hard it was for everyone to get up so early. Even Alberta looked like she could use more sleep as she downed her large cup of coffee. Yuri pulled the van up looking equally as tired. I probably accumulated two hours of sleep as I rolled around uncomfortably during the night.

At least I would get new clothes out of this.

At the sound of approaching footsteps, I looked up.

"What is _he_ doing here," I growled.

"Well good morning to you too, sunshine!" Adrian smiled as he and Lissa approached.

Lissa rolled her eyes at me, "Oh please, you always act like you can't stand him, but I know you don't actually care enough to be that mad".

"Plus," Adrian started. "I need to get something for the dance as well".

I frowned as Adrian smiled at me again. Lissa and Adrian jumped into the van, but Adrian peaked his head back out.

"Come on, stop sulking in the gutter," he said quickly ducking back in.

I stared ahead of me, trying my hardest not to take off my shoe and bean him with it.

_Count to ten_…

I took a deep breath as I got all the way down to 1.

"I was fine until you got here…" I said as I conceded. I got in the van and slid across the bench in front of them.

Missoula wasn't too far of a drive, but it was long enough for me to slink down in my seat and start to fall asleep.

"Rose, was Guardian Belikov mad yesterday about you being late? I'm sorry about that… I should have remembered…" Lissa's voice woke me out of my lulling, but I didn't move.

"Yes, and no" I replied, trying to remember what I actually did at practice besides make out with Dimitri. It was hard to block it out.

Adrian interrupted my thoughts, "I'm sure Guardian Belikov could never get mad at our little Rosemarie".

At this, I sat up and turned in my seat.

"Well, he was mad because I was actually later than I should have been… You know, since I stopped to talk to Alex along the way and everything…" I said smiling suggestively.

"Alex?" Adrian started.

Lissa's eyes widened, "Alexander Zeklos????"

I nodded.

"Shut up! Tell me everything he said!" Lissa sqeaked. What she had said was an oxymoron, but I knew that she was excited.

Adrian looked over at Lissa with a small glare, but she ignored him.

"Well, I was late to practice so I was running and we basically ran into each other…"

"…Habit of yours?" Adrian quipped.

"ANYWAY…" I continued. "He told me that he was trying to get away from some girls that were following him around campus, but get this," I paused, making Lissa lean forward in her seat.

"He said that he wouldn't have been running away if _I_ had been the one following him around," I smiled widely again.

"He said that, did he?" Adrian rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, Alex is kind of amazing actually".

Lissa and I laughed. She didn't know about Dimitri and me, so playing up the Alex thing was likely a relief to her. Since I started getting into Dimitri, it probably seemed like I was a total social hermit. Pretending to like Alex was going to work to my benefit. Moreover, it didn't hurt that he was freaking gorgeous.

Adrian shook his head and made a scoffing noise at us, but Lissa and I went back to talking about what our future kids would look like and what awesome guardians they would make.

Plus, making Adrian jealous was hilarious.

At the mall, Alberta, Yuri, and I separated into positions to let Lissa and Adrian walk together. The plan was to make it seem like they were a couple on a date. The guardians usually try to blend in with the scenery; however, since I was still, technically, a novice, I was allowed to walk a little closer to Lissa.

"Rose, I'm going to try on dresses here. Are you going to try anything on?" Lissa asked, throwing a few pastel garments over her arm.

"No, I can't," I shook my head as we passed a few I would actually have tried on, if I weren't on duty.

"Well, then I'll buy you a few in your size. Easy peasy!" Lissa said heading to the dressing room. Lissa wasn't short on money and always seemed to find things that I would like. I trusted her fashion judgment.

She came in and out of the little room several times, showing off the dresses; some with sparkles, some with floral print, some with a dreamy layer of chiffon. They all looked great against her opalescent skin, which made me a little jealous. My skin would never look that great in those colors.

She finally chose an off-white cocktail dress and went back into the dressing room to change, and that's when Adrian broke his silence.

"You aren't going to the dance with him."

"Who the hell put you in charge?" I demanded.

"Sorry no, I meant that as a question…"

I eyed him with confusion.

Adrian scooted closer to me on the fuzzy neon couch.

"Alexander is …charming on the surface and"

"-dead sexy?" I cut him off.

Adrian glared, but continued.

"Alexander projects a very good image of himself, but I don't think he is someone you should get cozy with. He plays head games and he knows exactly what he is doing, everything is super calculated."

"Sounds like someone else I know," I interjected again.

Lissa came out of the dressing room, carrying her dress and a few others that I assumed were for me.

"I can pay and then we can go," she said walking toward the register.

Adrian and I followed Lissa to the register and when she was done paying, we stopped off at the food court, mostly for me.

Lissa and Adrian started talking about using spirit, which meant I was out of the loop for the next twenty minutes. Looking around the food court it was strange to think that everyone else was probably human and just enjoying a leisure Saturday, wandering around stores and eating soft pretzels and ice cream; something I would never get to do. Any leisure time would be in the walls of the academy, which would not be much longer.

Besides, being Lissa's guardian was engrained into my mind. Anywhere she went, I was there and I was thinking about her safety.

I sighed when I thought about the fact that I might never feel at ease in public spaces, especially at night. I knew much more than most would ever know in their lifetime.

Suddenly, everything around me seemed to go blurry. I blinked, trying to clear the picture but it only got worse when my head started to pound.

"Rose…"

Lissa's cool hand pressed onto mine.

"Rose?"

I shook my head, still a little fuzzy.

"…you look really pale, do you want to get some air?" Lissa's voice was calm, but I could detect the small amount of urgency in her voice.

"- or we could just leave," Adrian said, studying my face.

I inhaled deeply; my head was throbbing.

"Yeah … I feel like I'm getting a migraine or something…"

Lissa told Alberta and Yuri that we were ready to go and they gladly followed us out.

Once inside the vans, Yuri and Alberta immediately turned to face us in the back.

"I think this is the shortest trip to the mall I have ever been on, from the Academy," Yuri smiled.

"Are you sure you got everything, we aren't coming back before the dance next weekend," Alberta said starting the car.

We all nodded, my head already feeling ten times better. As soon as I breathed the fresh air from outside the mall I knew it was going away.

"WAIT! No !" I shouted. Alberta hadn't even put the car in 'drive' yet, but she turned back.

"Adrian didn't get to pick up anything," I looked at him apologetically.

"Nope, I'm all good. We can go," he said without hesitation. Alberta took that as her cue to leave before anything else came up.

I turned back to Adrian, lowering my voice.

"You didn't get anything for the dance, what do you mean you're 'all good'?" I said suspiciously.

He leaned forward so only Lissa and I could hear him.

"I didn't actually need to buy anything. I can have things shipped to me… if you recall."

I did remember. On the ski trip, he had a box of 100 bottles of perfumes shipped and sent to my room within the first few days of meeting me. I doubted he would have trouble getting clothes that fast now that I thought about it.

"So, you just like following me around?" I shot.

Adrian smiled, "You must think pretty highly of yourself to think that the only reason I would want to go off-campus is to stalk you… maybe I just wanted to get away for the day and you two presented me with an adequate opportunity…"

"Doubtful," I shook my head as I turned back to face the front.

"…Besides, I was hoping you would try on a dress or something sexy, but much to my displeasure, you were all-responsible and boring," he said humorously.

"Are you scolding Ms. Hathaway for doing her job, Mr. Ivashkov? Next time we can assign you to someone else. Maybe Mr. Castille would like to accompany you to the mall…" Alberta jibed.

Adrian didn't answer.

Point: Petrov.

Back at the Academy it was dark, which meant plenty of Dhampir and Moroi were around campus enjoying their Saturday night. I, on the other hand, was looking forward to catching up on my sleep.

I assured Adrian and Lissa that my headache was gone, and that it was likely due to being up so early. Lissa said that she would come and check on me the next day.

I was finally in my room and it was pitch black for once. Usually when I was falling asleep the sun was starting to come up, which made it difficult to sleep at times.

I skirted the books and clothes in the middle of the floor, discarded my clothes and grabbed boxers and an extra large t-shirt. I was feeling pure bliss as I hit my pillow and shoved my legs under the covers. I was out like a light.

"Oh c'mon Adrian… I seriously just want to let my brain sit on the dream lazy river while I sleep tonight," I begged. Adrian was sitting on a bench staring straight at me with those thoughtful eyes, but then his expression changed and he was just … gone. He disappeared without a single argument.

I looked around and I was finally alone in my dream.

"Well, that was easy…" I said aloud.

Sighing, I went and sat on the bench where Adrian had been sitting. It was surrounded by tall-grass and shaded by a large tree.

I lay down, taking in the warmth of the day but still enjoying the slight breeze toying with small wisps of my hair.

A crisp crunching noise made me squint an eye open. Adrian had walked through a large patch of grass and was now standing where I had been only minutes ago. He looked over at me.

I sat up. "I don't know why you are here… I don't want to have a conversation about the dance, your strange Alex jealousy, or whatever you came to talk about… just let me sleep, please? If it makes you feel any better, I probably won't ever see him again…" I said sitting up.

I didn't really know how this dream walking thing worked. Like, if I walk away, does it matter? If he is in my dream can't I lock him out or something?

Suddenly, Adrian's face changed drastically. At first it was just a small smile, but then the grin began to race higher on his cheeks. Now I knew what the stories meant when they said someone was 'grinning from ear-to-ear'.

Adrian looked like his face could rip in half; his smile was so big.

Then it did. The line where Adrian's mouth was, split apart and his jaw unhinged with a terrible low hum. His eyes focused menacingly on me.

Those eyes.

I couldn't stop staring at those eyes. The eyes that had once been Adrian's were suddenly red, ringed with blood.

My heart stopped. My body numbed. My breathing stopped.

I couldn't do anything as the crazed figure in front of me began to charge at me, laughing, like gravel rumbling low in his chest.

I couldn't make my legs move, all I could do was stare in pure horror at the monster about to eviscerate me. Then I screamed.

The sound of my own sharp scream pulled me out of my nightmare and back into my bed.

My head was pounding again. This time the dizziness was overwhelming.

Sweaty and shaking I threw off my covers and tumbled onto the floor, crawling away from my bed as if it were the source of my fear.

I breathlessly rolled onto my back trying to slow my heart.

In my life, I have had a million bad dreams. Most of the time it was me fighting Strigoi or trying to hide Lissa; however, this dream was different.

A nightmare so lucid that I spent the rest of the night trying to stay awake while lying in the middle of my floor. Every time my eyelids dared to close I would spring them open. I tried several times to crawl toward the bathroom, hoping for a glass of water; however, I only made it a few feet before giving up.

Sometime around noon, the pain radiating through my head evaporated and my exhaustion took over. That is why I spent the better part of Sunday sleeping, sprawled face down across my floor.

* * *

**Luckily, my traffic counter is working again. I was worried for a few days that no one was reading my story at all; however, you guys gave me some good reviews, so thank you !**

**There will be more steaminess between R & D, don't worry !**

**besos !  
**


	27. Chapter 27: Jealousy

27

[Jealousy]

My eyes sprung open as a knock echoed into my room. I blinked several times trying to center myself, but when I heard the knock again, I reluctantly shoved myself to my feet.

"Good mor-" Lissa's bright voice started when I opened the door. She looked at my face and then peered into my room behind me; a tentative look on her face as she walked passed me.

She eyed my blankets strung out onto the floor and leading toward the bathroom door.

"Long night?" She asked, picking up my blankets and throwing them back onto my bed.

"I guess you could say that…" I said walking to the bathroom to splash water on my face.

She came in and leaned on the doorway, "Are you okay? You still look awful."

"Thank you, thank you very much…" I eyed her from the mirror.

"Sorry. Hey, I am just trying to be a friend… besides, I actually didn't come here to call you a hot mess. I actually have something pretty juicy for you."

I dried my face and turned, "Okay, now you have my attention."

"Okay, I was working with Adrian this morning-"

Before she could say anymore, I turned and gave her an annoyed look.

"-Oh just let me finish… jeez! So, we're working and out of nowhere, he like looks over and stares at Alexander. Like, he is seriously staring him down. Alexander doesn't really seem to notice, so it's not like they were about to fight or anything… but Adrian would NOT look away and Alexander left the quad. It was like he forgot I was even sitting there…" Lissa had her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, Adrian doesn't like him. He was trying to tell me to stay away from him, basically." I plopped down onto my bed and Lissa followed, listening intently. Her eyes widened.

"Really…" It was a question, but it sounded more like the excited 'really' that Lissa used when we were being gossipy.

"Yeah, but I think Adrian just sees Alex as a roadblock on his delusional route to Rose-ville. I mean, who could blame him, right? I'm pretty freaking cool." I mused and Lissa giggled.

"I have to hold myself back at times," she smiled.

"So, you're really okay? You're not feeling sick or anything?"

"I'm fine. I just think I had a migraine and then I just couldn't sleep well. Maybe it was something I ate."

Lissa nodded and then looked around my room. "Maybe something died in here, and its rancid smell is making you sick. Seriously, Rose, I know I probably sound like your mom, but it looks like a bomb went off in here. If something died in here, it would take weeks to find."

"First of all, nothing is dead in here. Second, my mom has never been in my room long enough to say anything."

Lissa shook her head and stood up. "Well, I'm going to meet Christian before I have to go back to my dorm. Do you want to come?"

"As much as I like to watch Christian drool all over you, I will pass. I already get enough of that through the bond."

Lissa hugged me and we said our goodbyes.

Finally, I was alone in my admittedly messy room. I looked over to my bed, blankets in complete disarray. I looked at my books, clothes and homework, which left a very small path to walk through. My head flashed into the night before. My head throbbed with the memory of my nightmare. The image of Adrian's face contorting and making the horrible sound.

Suddenly, I felt just as unsafe as I had in the middle of my dream. The silence of my room made my heartbeat echo through my body.

I had to get out of there.

I barely pulled the brush through my hair before I threw my clothes on and left. I rushed outside and the night air felt like it lifted me directly out of my haze. I exhaled and my headache seemed to leave with my labored breath.

I walked across the campus aimlessly until I thought about Dimitri. I hadn't seen him in, what felt like, forever. So, I turned and headed for the gym. If he wasn't on patrol or in his room, he would be working out in the gym. We had agreed that I shouldn't go to his room unless it was important, like I had when Lissa was in trouble. If someone found me wandering the faculty dorms, people might get suspicious.

The gym lights were on and the door was cracked open. I smiled as I stepped inside.

Muscles curved and pulsed as the man in front of me supported his whole body with just his forearms. His legs bent high and over his head. I had seen this pose once before when Lissa and I tried (and failed) a yoga video. I think it was called 'the scorpion'.

His stomach flexed perfectly down to his chest below him. Then I realized the man in front of me was not Dimitri at all.

"Alex?" I shot before I could stop myself.

He jerked at the sound of my voice and crumpled to his side. Looking up, his face deigned recognition.

"Well, you finally caught me," He said standing and rubbing his shoulder. His gaze was somewhat serious and unreadable.

"Caught you? I wasn't… I don't …" I stammered uncontrollably.

He laughed and raised his eyebrows at me.

"I wasn't trying to catch you…" I amended.

"Well, then what do I owe this pleasant surprise, Rose?"

At the sound of my name, I mentally blushed. It just sounded so much cooler when he said it. Moreover, there was a hint of an accent, just like Dimitri.

"Oh, I was looking for Dimitri. Well, Guardian Belikov."

Alex moved to the floor and put his legs in front of him to stretch.

"Guardian Belikov did not like that I was using the gym around the same time as your-" he looked up at me, -"training?" There was a hint of amusement.

"We train every day at that time."

"So he told me. He said that I could use this time to train and no one would bother me."

"Oh," I said slightly embarrassed. "Well, I didn't know… I wasn't trying to bother you. I can go."

"No," He said quickly. "Stay. I like a little company. Besides, I'm just cooling down, here. No worries." He smiled and patted the mat next to him. I smiled and agreed to sit.

It was quiet for a few minutes, while Alex stretched. So, I broke the ice.

"So…did you come to St. Vlads to do the whole post-grad-royal-thing?"

He smirked, "Well, that depends on what you think that is…"

"Well, if you're like Adrian Ivashkov, you're here to wander the campus, partake in illicit activities, and to fill the campus with cigarette smoke," I eyed him, mocking skepticism.

"Ahh, well… I wouldn't dare wander the campus… just so the girls won't think I am looking for that kind of attention. I don't smoke cigarettes, or anything else, and I have no illicit activities that I intend to partake in … " At that he eyed me back and gave me a small wink.

Oh my god.

He continued copying my sarcasm. "I am somewhat offended that you would immediately compare all royals to Mr. Ivashkov. He is not what I would call an ideal type. I could take that as an insult."

"Well, I hadn't meant to offend you. It's just that he's the only one I've known as well," I said off-handedly.

"So, you know him well, do you?"

"I didn't mean it like that…" I could tell by the look on Alex's face, he was slightly unhappy.

"Of course not. You wouldn't get mixed up in lost, drunken, smokers..."

"Sounds like you don't care very much for Adrian…" I prompted.

Alex stood and motioned for me to follow him as he walked over to the lockers. I suspected he would grab his stuff.

"It's not so much that I don't like him as much as he vehemently hates me. I just try to stay away from him since I seem to just get in his way." He said in a tone that sounded regretful.

Alex sat down next to me on the slab bench in the middle of the row of lockers.

"Do you mind telling me what happened?"

He threw his towel around his neck and straddled the bench to face me. I had my knees pulled into my chest.

"It's not really that big of a deal. We were friends once, but let's just say that we had a falling out and Adrian does not want to fix it."

"But why?"

Alex exhaled and shook his head, "Adrian and I were friends since… well… forever. Royal families get to know each other pretty well and so we spent a lot of time playing as kids. We went to the same schools… you get the drift"

I nodded, hoping he would go on.

"After school was done, I wanted to travel and learn the family politics. I encouraged Adrian to do the same, but he was more into girls, partying … that whole scene. You can see things have changed very little…"

I nodded to him again.

"… I talked to Lord Ivashkov hoping he would convince Adrian to join me, and that's when it all happened. His father had said that he wished Adrian was more like me, so that he would have faith in the royal line continuing and prospering. Adrian accused me of trying to turn his father against him and while I can see how he felt that way, he had to have known I would never intentionally do that to someone I considered like a brother. He also accused me of trying to get into his father's graces to take money from the family…" Alex looked down and absently rubbed his forehead with his towel.

I exhaled loudly, "Sounds like he was just jealous of your good relationship with his family… seems like he is just super jealous about your relationships with people."

Alex looked up, eyes questioning.

"Well, he was jealous of your relationship with Lord Ivashkov, and he told me to stay away from you."

Alex's eyes widened. "He's insane… I'm sorry you had to get involved in any of this. I guess I shouldn't have come here. Adrian just cannot see clearly with me around. Honestly, I came to see if I could get Guardian Belikov to consider training me for just few weeks while I am on vacation, and since he does not have time for that…"

"I could help you!" I guess I just blurt things out now. It's become an increasingly bad habit of mine…

He smiled, but shook his head. "Rose, you're a student. You train twice a day. You don't have time for that. Besides, I don't want to strain any more of Adrian's relationships. You guys are good friends, no?"

"No… well … sometimes. When he isn't trying to get into my pants, we actually have a good relationship."

"See, that's not something I should get into. I really like talking to you, but I am not going to jeopardize your friendship with him. I'll leave in the next few days and he can go back to chasing you around…"

I opened my mouth again to argue, but he scooted forward on the bench and put his hand on mine.

"I would have probably enjoyed training with you. I still haven't seen you in action yet, but I'm sure you could show me a few things," He smiled and winked at me again as he got up from the bench.

Alex left the gym, but he also left me slightly irritated… not that I needed Alex to stay, but the fact that Adrian's jealousy had extended all the way to me. To someone he had no hold over.

I shook my head, got up, and left. I stalked across the campus and back to my room. One thing I knew to be completely true: Adrian was lucky I hadn't run into him that night. I was beginning to think that my bad dreams had little to do with migraines and everything to do with Adrian Ivashkov.


	28. Chapter 28: Fine

28

[Fine]

I woke up about ten minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off. It was the first time in a few days that I had actually gotten a good night's rest, which meant no nightmares or creepy dreams. I actually felt good.

I got up and went to training a little early to get my laps out of the way.

"So, are you super impressed with me and that's why you are making that face?" I asked Dimitri when I finished the last lap.

He eyed me grinned, "Impressed… shocked… words like that."

"Shocked? You didn't think I would do my laps without you telling me to?" I looked up at him, eyes suspicious.

"That and the fact that you are early… At first I wasn't even sure it was you," he jerked his head, telling me to follow him to the gym.

"How could you possibly think that I was someone else? I too amazing to make that mistake!" I made a scoff noise, playing off the humor in his voice.

I saw him glance over at me.

Just before we were inside the gym he took my hand, pulling me into the doorway in front of him. He grabbed me with both hands and pinned me up against the wall just inside.

His face inches from my own.

"How could I really make that mistake?" He breathed with a small smile.

He looked directly into my eye. His smile was, basically, everything I lived for. He never used to let me see it, but when we were alone, he seemed to let it slip more freely.

Before I realized it, Dimitri had let go of me and walked over toward the free weights to stretch.

My head was in a sexy-Dimitri daze.

"Na-ah… no way… you can't do that to a girl and then just walk away." I stomped across the room.

"What would you have me do?" He asked, his voice still light.

_Oh the things I would have you do…_

"Well…uhm…" I could tell Dimitri found my stammering comical.

"_Well, uhm" _He imitated, "… if you can't tell me, you can think about it while you get to work," he motioned toward the weights.

"Trust me, if I do that I won't get anything done. I'll just have to think about something else…"

I tried to keep my mind off how excruciatingly hot Dimitri was and get some work done. Time seemed to tick by amazingly slow, but eventually training ended.

Dimitri had been walking me to the Dhampir dorms after training sessions sometimes, so I wasn't completely safe with my thoughts just yet. Luckily he started the conversation.

"So, how was shopping?" he asked.

"Well, let's just say that shopping isn't my favorite thing to begin with, and when you take away the actual 'buying' part, it's actually pretty awful…" I admitted as we shuffled slowly across the campus.

"So, you didn't get anything?"

"Well, Lissa bought some things for the dance this weekend and I think she bought a dress or two for me to pick out. I don't even know if I am going, since it will look like I am flying solo…" I shrugged.

"Well, I will be there, if that's any consolation."

We had made it to the Dhampir dorms. As we stopped in front of the building, I turned to him.

"I see, so are you saying that I should go and stare at you from across the room all night? Sounds like a total blast." I said mockingly.

"Well, that's what I planned on doing," he said a little more quietly.

I blushed, "…Well, Comrade, you will just have to hope it works out for ya". I winked and Dimitri smiled back at me as we went our separate ways.

It was hard being so close to Dimitri every day. While hiding our relationship from everyone was a little fun, I honestly wished it didn't matter so much. I would be eighteen soon, and it would be a lot easier.

The school day seemed to go on forever, even for a Monday. Every class seemed to buzz with talks of dresses and dates. The guys tried to brush it off like it was just an excuse to party and get wasted, but they were just as worried about getting dates as the girls were.

"What time should I pick you up on Saturday, Hathaway?" I turned to my left to see Jesse Zeklos staring at me with a large grin. My heart suddenly sank in my chest. It was probably the same line that Mason would have used, had he still been around for this. Anytime someone referred to me as 'Hathaway', I got a dull ache in the pit of my stomach. Mason would have asked me during novice training and I would have shot him down a thousand times until I was either won over by his charm or by annoyance.

"Sorry," I said, shaking my head with a jerk. "Are you saying that- you think that I would go with you to prom?"

"Obviously... the Prom King and Queen should go together," he sat back in his seat proudly.

"King and what! Oh hell no! I'm not going with you, I am definitely not going to be even nominated for prom queen… I don't even know if I am actually going…"

"There's someone else … isn't there?"

"Sad to say, but get in line there, Zeklos. You're one of many…"

"I can take it. I should have asked sooner…I guess the tattoo of your name was a terrible idea…" Jesse looked down the front of his shirt.

"What!" I said stepping closer to him to look.

Jesse laughed, "Seriously? You thought I really had a tattoo with your name on it? Jeez, Hathaway. I know you probably already have a date. I just wanted to see you squirm here."

Jesse laughed again and I socked him in the shoulder teasingly.

"Who are you going with, anyway?" he asked, now changing books in and out of his locker.

"I haven't made up my mind just yet. I might just say 'fuck it' and go with Lissa, or not at all... I don't really care about the whole dance thing."

Jesse was about to say something when the bell rang in the hallway. He shrugged at me and darted off.

I hadn't really thought about the dance so much. Maybe it would be easier to not go so that I didn't have to deal with everyone else asking me who I was going with… I could just say I had other plans.

Cooler plans.

The rest of the day was weighed down with more crap about the dance. At lunch, Lissa, Christian and I were sitting at a table staring at all of the couples forming.

"Bleh … this dance business is getting annoying… I can't wait until it is over," I grumbled as I shoved food into my mouth.

Through the bond I felt Lissa's pity tug at me. She probably thought no one had bothered to ask me.

"Dances are okay," Christian said. He leaned forward and lowered his voice. "It's not every day that I get to see this gorgeous thing in a short dress," He waggled his eyebrows and looked to Lissa.

She blushed and socked him in the arm, "Quit it, or I will wear a long-sleeve turtleneck and slacks," she smiled.

"Hah!" Christian laughed. "You'd still be most beautiful girl on the dance floor." He leaned in and Lissa granted him a long kiss.

"Like I said," I grumbled, wadding up my napkin and throwing it on my half-eaten lunch.

"Oh, please. Rose would look great in a turtleneck too, wouldn't she?" Christian taunted.

Lissa slapped him playfully on the arm again and she snuggled into his side.

Don't get me wrong, Lissa and Christian were as cute as they come, nauseatingly so. It would be fine if the entire school wasn't acting like they were all getting ready for some mating ritual…

I glanced around the room; people still getting all googly-eyed and attempting to act slick while walking through the food line. Eddie Castille was even sitting with one of the novices a grade lower than us. It was strange to see such a tall figure look so shy when the girl spoke to him.

On the farthest wall, Alex was sitting; he looked like he was doing homework. The way he was so intensely reading, he could have been studying for an exam… which made me curious.

I would have bet money that he wasn't even thinking about the dance. He was probably the only one, besides me right now, thinking about anything else.

"Hey," I called as Adrian walked passed our table, toward the exit.

I jumped up out of my seat and hustled outside.

"Adrian, hey! Wait!" I said reaching for his arm.

"What?" He turned around quickly. Eyes glaring down at me.

"Dude, what is your problem? I know you heard me… and I've been looking for you-"

"-well maybe I don't want to talk to you, did you ever consider that?" He pushed his face closer to mine, but this was not the fun-loving Adrian I knew. This was someone else entirely. He looked angry.

Still aghast, I shook my head trying to clear it. "What… You've been avoiding me? Like, me specifically?"

"Look," he lowered his voice, but the harshness was still there. "I am done playing these games with you. I just want to move on. Don't make this hard on yourself."

"Ookayyy," I said almost a bit awkwardly as Adrian turned and marched away from me.

Admittedly, Adrian's words hit me a lot harder than I thought they ever could. I wasn't crushed, per se, but I'd never had someone tell me that they wanted me to go away. The typical process included boys giving me compliments, me swatting them down like flies … rinse and repeat. This was unfamiliar territory as far as I was concerned. I was so bewildered I had forgotten why I wanted to talk to him in the first place.

"Jeez Hathaway, everywhere I look you're breaking hearts. What did Ivashkov do, try to ask you to the dance too?"

I didn't have to turn around to know Jesse had just exited the cafeteria.

"It's like I'm some sort of dude magnet… can't be helped," I smiled crookedly to myself.

Jesse pat me on the back casually as he walked by.

Glancing back he called, "You know if you shoot everyone down, you won't have to bother thinking about who to go with… no one will ask you anymore! … Dude magnet or not!"

"That's actually my grand plan!" I shouted to him, now further away.

Jesse moved across the quad until he saw a Moroi I didn't know; he seemed to know her VERY well and they took off together in a different direction.

I rolled my eyes and went back into the cafeteria.

Lissa and Christian absently talked about their dance plans when I slid back into my seat.

"Rose, please come to the dance with us. It will be a lot of fun, and I bought you a dress. All you really have to do is put it on and show up," Lissa begged.

"Liss, don't give me puppy-dog eyes…" I rolled my own.

"You don't have to go with anyone… it isn't a rule. If it makes you feel any better you can take Lissa and I'll just tag along…" Christian said smiling, and then looking back to Lissa for approval.

Her smile grew and she looked over to me.

It wasn't the worst idea ever… and technically it wasn't even different than me tagging along with the two of them. However, Christian was doing a lot of work to make Lissa happy. I could get on board with something like that.

"…okay fine. I will go… but I am not staying very long and those dresses you picked out for me better be drop-dead gorgeous…" I leaned a little across the table, giving her an even look before sliding off the seat myself.

Lissa made some sort of squeal noise, but I was off to my next class before she could pierce the sound barrier.


End file.
